August TTC

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Alto2. Show Alto2's posts

    Re: August TTC

    I've learned that it's really easy to psych yourself out in the bedroom while TTC. DH and I are fairly active, and we totally ran into some performance issues on both our parts early on in the process. It helped us to focus on the pleasure of the act, rather than the potential results.

    Definitely talk to a doctor, but you can also examine and talk about your behavior as a couple to see if you can change your approach to getting your groove on.

    A few things that work for us: remembering to make each other feel attractive and desired even at non-fertile times, sending suggestive emails/texts throughout the day, doing it in different rooms of the house, keeping non-baby-producing acts in the repertoire, cultivating an sex-friendly enviroment (no TV, computers, or cellphones in the bedroom), making a conscious effort to eat well and get some exercise (to ease stress and improve body-image).

    We're now into cycle 12. No pregnancy yet, but we've managed to eliminate any performance issues and stay well-covered during our window and throughout the rest of the month.

    Hope this helps...
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Great post, Alto.   Even affectionate, loving couples can forget and get out of the habit of taking it to the erotic/sexy level.

    Just remembered something else.  We recently learned that taking more than 1 mg per night of melatonin is not only not more effective for helping you sleep, but it wipes out sex drive.  That knowledge has helped us tremendously; DH was taking 3 mg per night!  WHOOPS! 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from snapdragon79. Show snapdragon79's posts

    Re: August TTC

    This has all been so hopeful! Thank you! We had a really great discussion last night, when I got to ask all sorts of questions, and he felt really comfortable talking about it. I think people do have a range in libido, and he's on the low end, but it definitely sounds like we can do things to carve out time and space for our physical selves, just like you all recommend. I think that the whole TTC process might end up having a really positive effect on our relationship, whether or not we end up having a child at the end of it all.


    Here's to a "positive" month for the group.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Dottie, what is the status of posts being misdirected?

    P.S.  Did it get purposely fixed, or was it a transient problem?  Very strange.  Right above this was a post from JaySev2010 from another thread that was obviously plunked here by accident.  I asked Dottie about it in "Talk to BDC," and now it's gone.  But, she didn't see another example I pointed out last week.  So, maybe it happens momentarily and then goes to the right place by itself?  WEIRD!

    Did anyone else see the political post that got put here by accident?
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Tc - I hear your frustration.  Definitely, vent away.  On a positive note, I am sooooo excited about you doing the donor route.  It was the best decision we ever made.  Plus, I know that when we try and have sib, I won't have to go through the same process again.  It definitely took about 4-5 months for us start to finish in the donor process I think.  Our fresh transfer didn't work but the frozen did.   The only time I even think about it being a donor is when sweet people say things like "oh I hope she will look like you"  (and then I think, well the donor is prettier, more petite) or when my husband talks about what the baby will be like I like to joke that I have nothing to do with any potential bad characteristics - all in jest of course.

    It was a huge leap for my husband, but since going this route I don't think he has looked back for even a microsecond.

    Snap - I replied on your other post but and wish the best for you guys.  TTC absolutely brought us together as a couple!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from tc95. Show tc95's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Thanks to all for your kind words. I vented last night, AF arrived today and things are already starting to look up just a little bit. Ok, one more little vent- AF every month like clockwork for 30 years now (yes, I'm 42) and for what exactly??? ok... better.

    Luck, your experience and your willingness to share it has been a huge help to me.   I'm just impatient so want the donor process to speed up!  Was your 4-5 months including both the fresh and frozen transfers? 

    In terms of timing, I had to wait to see my PCP, as did DH, then wait for test results. I confirmed the results were all in but the donor coordinator is now on vacation so I can't schedule an appt with the RE.  And this is all before we select a donor. Oh well.  We've been trying to find a donor with similar coloring to me but I figure why not go with someone taller... no need to try to duplicate my lack of height. My husband thinks I'm crazy.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Tc - I think the 4-5 months was pretty much for the fresh transfer.  After that though, things go quickly.  And odds are in favor of the fresh transfer working.  I have definitely learned that no one is interested in rushing the process other than yourself.  Boy did I have to advocate for us.  Have you done a donor seminar/orientation through your clinic?  Do you have an RE now?  I ask because you mentioned you saw your PCP.  I am not sure what donor place you are considering but the Donor Source was extremely helpful and fast on their part.  Also my donor was amazing and didn't hesitate in anything.  The donor place you choose may be able to help you in deciding the donor - they have met most of them.
    Please let me know if you have any questions.  It can be an overwhelming process but as long as you push, it can be done in an expedited fashion.  They also made us see a counselor which was VERY helpful for my husband as was the orientation because I think he thought in his mind we were the only ones in the world going through this.  It helped normalize the process for him.

    My thoughts are with you!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August TTC

    snap, I am hopeful for you and DH since you said he's so willing and open to talking about it.  I'm sure that will carry over to what he needs to do medically from here.  Yup, I see a surge in closeness and intimacy in your already great marriage; people will mistake you for newlyweds! ;)
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: August TTC

    (Kar--I saw the JaySev2010 post too and clicked on "report abuse," labelled it as "other" and just asked why it was posted to a Parenting TTC thread.  I could see that it was probably a glitch given the header and wasn't really abuse...but they're usually quick to respond to abuse complaints.  At any rate, it eventually disappeared, so either someone took care of it or it took care of itself.)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August TTC

    (Thanks, Daisy.  What an odd bug.  It's happening all over the boards...)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Anyone else in the 2ww?  I am half way through..this week is going to be rough!  I have my pg strips from Amazon that was $5 for 25 strips..so I don't care if I waste them! 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Alto2. Show Alto2's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Stay strong, ajuly! Put the strips back in your medicine cabinet, go out and enjoy the summer weather while you can, and the week will fly by.

    Just got my +opk this weekend, so I'm still in GOF land... woohoo! Had a clear HSG on Friday, and am looking forward to getting some preliminary bloodwork done on my next CD3. I don't have high hopes for this month, but it feels good to be starting the investigation process, at least.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: August TTC

    good luck ajuly! I know the week will drag on, I hope those are your magic sticks!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Good luck ajuly and alto!  I'm in the 2ww, too.  Gotta check the calendar.  I'm feeling bitchy so I must be in the second half.  Poor DH.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Good luck to you too alto and Kar!    Alto whats GOF? 

     I just got my teeth cleaned and they almost did x-rays and I had to say, I may be pg. It was weird telling someone, since only DH knows that we're even trying.  They made me set up a 3 mon. appointment incase I am pg since they fill up fast, saying that I could cancel it if I need to...kinda strange, hope I don't have to cancel it! Thought they would have said, call if you need a 3mon. Seems like that would work better over calling and saying well I'm not pg. so I don't need a 3mon afterall.. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostongrl. Show bostongrl's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Hi everyone... so DH and I are just getting on the baby-making train and he is SOOO nervous about the whole process.  I mean, not that I am not nervous, but he is worrying about EVERYTHING.  From finances, how we'll be able to juggle work, not being able to travel, how our parents will react, to whether or not he really even wants kids.  How have others dealt with this?  Do I just keep reassuring him that people do this everyday and that we'll be good parents?  I think part of the issue is that he really likes to be in control of his life and this is something that has so many possibilities and you can't be in control.  Does this sound familiar? 

    I am finding this difficult because I feel like I am always trying to calm him down and therefore I am afraid of sharing my own fears/nervousness becuase it might make him worse.  I truly feel like everything will work out and this is really what we want, but it would be nice to be able to feel like I can share my fears as well.  :o(  baby making should be a happy time, not one full of fears and doubts.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: August TTC

    I'm right there with you Bostongrl.  We are going to start trying this fall, and these same conversations keep coming up!  I keep reminding him that there will never be a perfect time, and that you can't control everything, but that people have babies everyday and things always seem to work out.  I know what you mean though about your own fears  as I tend to downplay my own nerves too.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Alto2. Show Alto2's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Thanks, guys. Good luck, kargiver and ajuly and everyone else in the 2ww - I'm rooting for you!

    GOF = Goal Oriented F*cking
    I picked up that acronym from another discussion board I'm on, and I like it waaay better than BD. The phrase "Baby Dance" really squicks me out; it's a little too cutesy-poo for my taste. Hope it catches on here... ;)
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August TTC

    boston, sounds totally normal to me, but I hope you'll not shut down yourself to "protect" him.  He can handle your fears and it will probably HELP him deal with his own knowing you can relate.  How much does it mean to you when someone GETS you?  He wants that...he needs that from you.

    There is a chance he really doesn't want kids, though.  That has to be explored FULLY before you start TTC.  Once you get that BFP he has to want them whether he really does or not.  And, all this balogne about it not mattering once the baby comes is phoey.  No one wants to admit it, but I know 2 people who admitted to me that they made a mistake having kids.  If 2 people in my little old life admitted it, how many more are out there?  They can't be the only two in the history of the earth.

    It's kind of like wedding jitters.  There are normal butterflies, and then there are serious misgivings about the decision being wrong...and it very well could be the biggest mistake of their lives.  No one can tell a person which it is; only your husband can know (or figure out) which it is with the baby thing, and you have to be open to the idea that maybe this actually isn't what he wants, and he has to be unafraid of being totally open with you and, actually more importantly, with himself.  If he thinks he might TRULY not want kids (not just "kid jitters") OR if he really can't sort it out for himself, I'd suggest personal counseling for him to work it out now.  A professional counselor not only knows how to draw out what is really in a person's heart and mind helping them verbalize and solidify their own thoughts and feelings, they are also impartial - they have no personal stake in how he feels about having children like you do.

    All that being said, it's probably just "kid jitters" if he's talked about having kids your whole relationship and now that push is coming to shove he's nervous.   The fact is, if you aren't nervous at all you wouldn't make a very good parent.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostongrl. Show bostongrl's posts

    Re: August TTC

    I am almost certain he just has the baby jitters.  He still talks about how we'll raise our kids, etc, etc.  He just sometimes goes off on tangents sometimes about how we could afford to travel so much more and get nice cars if we didnt have kids... but it is in a joking manner. 

    I was just wondering if me reassuring him that all will work out was a good approach.  Though it is a good point that maybe I should be more open about my own fears.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August TTC

    That's good; your gut feeling is probably right. :)  And, when you consider spilling your guts, not only will he feel you get his feelings because you can relate, but a few more things will come of sharing, I think:

    You'll feel closer to each other - all the better for baby making.

    He'll probably feel more confident knowing you're nervous - like I said, if you aren't nervous about having a baby there's something off about your expectations of how easy it will be.

    And, the more open you are, the more open he'll be - there can't be too much information shared about this topic between you.

    We're all scared, believe me!  If you don't tell him that, he'll either assume you are hiding it or that you're totally nuts.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: August TTC

    bostongrl - my husband has expressed similar fears about how our life will change after the baby, and I will admit I sometimes have them too, and I find the most helpful conversations are the ones that problem-solve how we can still do the things we want to do. 

    For example, we would like to go back to Italy (where we honeymooned) and he used to say, "Now we can't do that." (we have a baby due in October).  So we started talking about how we might make it happen, as opposed to "we can't".  Whether it's waiting until the kid is old enough to enjoy going and bring them along, or making it a family trip and bringing the grandparents who can help with childcare but also  enjoy the trip themselves... Coming up with these types of solutions makes us both feel better... even if we never end up making it back to Italy!  It's empowering to come up with these solutions and really makes us feel like a team. 

    I find specific conversations about *how* it will all work out are more helpful for him (and ultimately me) than giving him general reassurances that it will all be fine.  Also, I think if he felt like I wasn't worried at all it would have made him *more* worried that there was something wrong with him or he wasn't fit to be a father.  It actually reassured him that I was having some of these thoughts too.

    Good luck!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Poppy, that's so true - men are very process and solution oriented.  Any specific ideas about how it's all going to work, to whatever extent is practical to discuss beforehand will be particularly helpful to the husbands, generally speaking.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from tomarra. Show tomarra's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Boston,

    It's normal to have fears, worries, nervousness and questions during the TTC process.  In your case it's been a rollercoaster of emotions filled with allot of ups & downs.  I was like you at first where I let DH vent and I held it all in in hopes it would make him feel better.  Therefore I made the first few more difficult on myself.  I'm now more opened and will talk it more with him.  In his case he was worried about disappointing me ...which is kinda funny because I was worried about it too!  Now that we are seeing RE he mention that if they recommend anything that may effect me cause serious unwanted medical issues or death...he would not being willing to go for it.  He feels it took him 36 years to find me and he wouldn't want lose me over a child.  This whole process is scary but exciting and I believe it will make us a stronger couple in the end.

    Wishing you all the best of luck. 

    AFM I wish I was in 2ww at least I would have a chance.  Right now I'm at day 56 and no sign of OV or AF....lucky me the waiting game is still on!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from tc95. Show tc95's posts

    Re: August TTC

    Boston, could it be that your DH just needs a little more time?  No personal experience yet but from the friends and family I've seen, having kids really does change everything and both people need to be ok and ready for that.  Plus, it sounds like he might be focusing on what you'd be giving up (ability to travel, extra spending money, etc) and perhaps overlooking what you'd be getting - and I think (hope?) the vast majority of parents would say they get back far more from having children than they gave up.

    Luck - to answer your question from a few days back, we went to the donor seminar a few months ago while still trying to decide whether to move forward. Since we decided, there's been a lot of hurry up and wait. Had to see the PCP just for routine annual stuff before going back to the RE.  You're so right about this being urgent only for me... the donor coordinator got all my info together then called to say the RE is on vacation so we can't see him until the end of this month- ugh.  I've heard good things about Donor Source from the people at Boston IVF so we'll likely go thru them. That's encouraging that you had a good experience with them. It's interesting, I've only talked to one other woman who has used a donor egg and she also had success with the frozen transfer but not the fresh - I'd thought that was less common (though I suppose 2 women doesn't make for a trend exactly...). 
     

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