Birthday party anxiety-I don't want gifts brought

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from maryl730. Show maryl730's posts

    Birthday party anxiety-I don't want gifts brought

    Hi:  My son's 8th bday is next month and we are having it at Coco Key.  The issue is:  I will be mailing out the invites this weekend and want to request that no gifts are brought.  My son has so many toys already.  However, my son & husband insist I not do this.  What should I do...this is causing me anxiety.  thanks for letting me post here.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Birthday party anxiety-I don't want gifts brought

    Hi:  My son's 8th bday is next month and we are having it at Coco Key.  The issue is:  I will be mailing out the invites this weekend and want to request that no gifts are brought.  My son has so many toys already.  However, my son & husband insist I not do this.  What should I do...this is causing me anxiety.  thanks for letting me post here.
    Posted by mary_laux


    Your husband is 100% correct.  You cannot reference gifts on any invitation.  If people wish to give your child something, let them and then have him write a prompt thank you note.  A gift is just that - a gift.  If you don't want the gifts, then have your child donate them to a shelter or to other kids who don't have toys.  But you can't tell people in an invitation not to give your child a gift. 

    If people ask what your child wants, just say tell them [only when asked] that gifts are not necessary.  Chances are, they are still going to bring something since the child is still young.  Getting gifts at that age is fun!  If you want to cull out the toys b/c your child has so many, have your child cull them out and then teach him the value of giving to the less fortunate, as I've mentioned above.  Good luck and HTH!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Birthday party anxiety-I don't want gifts brought

    I agree with ALF, you are in the wrong.  If your son has too many toys, how about creating an object lesson in giving - round up the ones he doesn't play with anymore and give them to charity!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from faulknmi. Show faulknmi's posts

    Re: Birthday party anxiety-I don't want gifts brought

    Hi:  My son's 8th bday is next month and we are having it at Coco Key.  The issue is:  I will be mailing out the invites this weekend and want to request that no gifts are brought.  My son has so many toys already.  However, my son & husband insist I not do this.  What should I do...this is causing me anxiety.  thanks for letting me post here.
    Posted by mary_laux


    I had the same issue when my son turned 6... he wanted to have a big party with a lot of friends. I gave him a choice: big party but no gifts, or small party with gifts. He chose big party.

    So then I asked him what he thought about asking people to bring food pantry donations instead of gifts. We regularly make donations to our town's food pantry, so he was already familiar with the concept. He actually liked the idea. So on the invites we put, "In lieu of a gift, please consider bringing a donation to the Reading Food Pantry. They are particularly in need of... [inserted list of kid-friendly stuff]."

    Of course some people brought gifts anyway (I realize that a lot of people get joy out of giving gifts, and don't want to take that away from anyone!). But most simply brought food pantry donations. My son was perfectly happy, no tears on the big day over the lack of gifts. We brought 6 huge boxes of donations to the food pantry after the party, and helped put everything away. The food pantry volunteers made a big fuss over him and he was very proud. They also sent him a nice letter which we included in all the thank-you notes (yes, everyone got one whether they brought a traditional "gift" for my son or a food pantry donation).

    I got the feeling a few of the parents thought it was a little preachy (including his father, truth be told). But that might be just be my own paranoia talking. The bottom line is, my son had a great time at his party and learned a great lesson about sharing. I'd do it again if he was willing, but would not force it on him.

    If your son *wants* gifts at his party however, this would be a hard sell for you.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from CordeliaP. Show CordeliaP's posts

    Re: Birthday party anxiety-I don't want gifts brought

    I've suggested the "in lieu of gifts please bring a donation to the humane society" to my kids but they reject it and I don't press it.  Now my kids are at the age where gifts are mainly gift cards.  When they were younger, however, we had a rule that after the gift was unwrapped, it couldn't be opened until after the party.  Then I would cull out several gifts (they wouldn't even notice) and tuck them away in a closet for Toys for Tots.  These were usually TV or movie tie-in toys or things I knew they wouldn't be into or things similar to what they already had.  I would also put a sticky on it with the name of the giver in case I needed to raid the stash for a regift. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Birthday party anxiety-I don't want gifts brought

    OK, I guess I don't know what the issues is with receiving birthday presents. Did you invite 100 kids and you're worried that you don't have shelf space?  Whether you have a big party with lots of kids or a small party with just a few kids, why gifts at one and not another?  Because you feel your child has enough/lots of toys and gifts already? Perhaps that's true, but children grow out of toys quickly, what was a challenge 10 months ago isn't anymore, so I'd think a great idea would be to have the birthday child go through his/her gifts 2-3 weeks before his/her birthday and take out all the toys he hasn't used in the last 2 months.  Because, honestly, if you haven't used something (other than swimming toys or a winter sled) in 2 months, you're not that into it anymore. And all those toys would go in a big box and you and your child would take them to the local shelter or wherever and give them to kids, who just don't have many/any toys.

    Then your child would get toys that would be age appropriate at his birthday, but wouldn't have "too many."

    Now, I'm not against the concept of a child choosing to do no gifts - everything goes to the food pantry, as long as the child is OK.  BUT even if the child wants gifts, I totally think culling your toys twice a year (once in November before xmas/hannukah and once 2 weeks before your birthday) is a good and healthy thing, you get rid of the extra and unused stuff on the shelves to make way for new toys, and children who have nothing get something.  Of course, you have to teach your children not to give away only broken things, and in fact that's also a good way to have them keep their things in good working order - "you need to put your toys away carefully, you don't want to lose pieces to this puzzle, because someday someone else will want to use this and he/she will want all the pieces"

    So I guess I would always do the cull and give away and then whether you do presents at your party or not would be up to the child.
     
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