Delicate issue

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from CookieM. Show CookieM's posts

    Delicate issue

    Hi All,
    I've also moved over from the wedding boards, and have been more of a lurker than a poster.  I did have to change screen names, due to the sensitive nature of my questions.  Now that DH and I have been TTC for six months (obviously unsuccessfully), and I just turned 36, I'm starting to realize we'll need to begin the whole process, work-ups, etc. 

    Now, there's one more monkey wrench:  As we've been unsuccessful, DH is now feeling the pressure, and having a bit of "stage fright."  This month, we missed our best day because of it.  I know he's in excellent health, and this is a stress response.  Just wondering if there are any seasoned veterans who've had to tackle this one.  His ego's taken quite the hit.  Any ideas? 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Delicate issue

    That is more common than you or he realize. :-)  The simplest thing to do is not to tell him when your window is.  Just put the moves on him.  It will take all of the pressure off him and will work like a charm.  :-)  This worked wonders for me.  I'm still not pg yet [and I've been trying for almost a year longer than you have], but we don't have performance issues anymore.  If that doesn't work, ply him w/ a few drinks, candlelight and his favorite meal.  Good luck. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lesal. Show lesal's posts

    Re: Delicate issue

    in general, you shouldn't have to worry about the exactness of timing as much as we think we do.  maybe just tell DH what week you should be BDing every other day, rather than stating 'today I'm ovulating'.  for this pregnancy, I know we didn't bd on my peak day, but had the day before.  so if your cycle is pretty regular, bding every other day for a week should cover it.  that will probably be more relaxing for both of you.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Delicate issue

    There are things DH's don't need to know-I never told DH I was charting, or when peak time was. All he knew was he was getting lucky. Especially since stage Fright is quite common in this situation. I know the exact day we BD and when I o'd. Probably because we were on the far end of our window so I was surprised when I was late and thought I had a problem, not that I was pregnant.

    My advice, unless you start more medical intervention, keep the mystery alive in how conception timing actually works. DH assumes that we got pregnant when we were on vaca weeks before I o'd.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from CookieM. Show CookieM's posts

    Re: Delicate issue

    Thanks, everyone. 

    DH happened to see the OPK and asked me what it meant.  I didn't have the forethought to lie, but from now on, I'll make sure he's kept a little more 'in the dark.'  Now, if I could just get him to stop brooding!  Men can be so sensitive when they think their masculinity is challenged.  Ugh.  Thanks for the help.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Delicate issue

    In Response to Re: Delicate issue:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, everyone.  DH happened to see the OPK and asked me what it meant.  I didn't have the forethought to lie, but from now on, I'll make sure he's kept a little more 'in the dark.'  Now, if I could just get him to stop brooding!  Men can be so sensitive when they think their masculinity is challenged.  Ugh.  Thanks for the help.
    Posted by CookieM[/QUOTE]

    If you are new to TTC, something you may not realize.

    Healthy sperm live and do their swim for at least 3 days, can be 5.  And ovulation occurs when your egg starts on down the tubes- the egg is healthy and able to implant for a while.
    Maximum chances of getting pregnant occur it you open the doors for the sperm show a full 3 days before you are due to start ovulation, for the 2 days it shows by temp and other methods, and at least 3 days after.  For some the egg is around longer  but the opportunity to fertilize the egg is there commonly at least 3 after ovulation.

    So do not say 1 or 2 days is make it or lose the chance.
    Give yourself at least a six day window starting 3 days before ovulation (something you do not know the first month, but can predict there after)  and up to 8 days.  Every other day is as good as every day - men's bodies only make so much sperm, so doing it every day you  get more each shot- not worth pressure on you 2 to keep an every day pace if it does not suit you.
    Good luck!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from austengirl. Show austengirl's posts

    Re: Delicate issue

    Yup, made the same mistake with my dh - he started asking questions and I shared...then in the first month he had performance anxiety, not once but twice!  He has never ever had that before except when it was alcohol induced.  And that was only once.
    Now my wechsler book is hidden and my charts are stuffed under my shoes in the closet.  He is not even going to know this time around!  I may even fib and tell him that it is still a week away when it is really time. I should not have become so analytical about the whole process this early on but that is my personality...I should have known to hide it from him though!

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from CookieM. Show CookieM's posts

    Re: Delicate issue

    Thanks, Wag.  I do understand the mechanics.  We started the every-other-day a couple of days in advance.  So, there's a (small) chance.  However, once the performance issue came up, the rest of the week was pretty tense, so there was no more trying.  I'm planning on being more careful about keeping him out of the loop.  But, now I've just got to manage his ego.  It's been impossible to even discuss.  So, right now I'm taking the ever-popular "ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away" approach.  Fingers crossed....
     

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