For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Tangerine - your story sounds very familiar! At 17.5, my mom brought me to the doctor, as I had only gotten AF twice, seven months in between. I was thin and an athlete, so my pediatrician and mom were kind of waiting me out, to see if nature kickstarted itself. 
    My doc(already a RE specialist) has told me I would only have to wait the 6 months, which is required for my insurance. My hormonal/ovulation issues are well-documented, so clomid/injections can happen whenever. They just wont attach a "fertility issue" label to me until we actually start trying. Sounds beaurocratic, doesnt it? 

    Thanks for all the responses!! It helps to have other people's thoughts. 
    Kar - we definitely want to have kids, but I can see why you would think that based on my comments. We really have no reason to wait other than being emotionally ready, which many people read as fear. We both cant imagine our lives without kids, and have already discussed adoption if biological kids dont work out. I think we spent almost all our of mid-late 20s working like dog, between law school, bar exams, getting married, new jobs, renovating a house, etc - we just want to relax and dont want all the responsibility of a kid right now. 
    You guys all said it - a kid changes your lives completely, and then everything revolves around them for a long time! you should not do it until you are ready, it's a big step! 

    I think its just like Kar said - what if i got pregnant the first time? It could happen, unlikely but still. I need to be ready then. Then that contrasts with Tangerine's advice to go off BP a little earlier to see if my cycle kickstarts. That is something i was seriously considering. Then, it's back to Kar's point. 

    It's a circular argument! 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    ETA: We are not thinking of bumping up the TTC timeline to now by any means, the plan was 3-4 years, which puts me at 32-33. I was thinking up bumping it up to 31, still 2 years away. 
    DH simply says to let him know when I am really ready. All his friends are starting their families, and he is getting a little itchy. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from betty7. Show betty7's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Sounds like you have a good plan.  I have TWO friends with diagnosed PCOS who both anticipated a long TTC struggle and they both got pregnant right away.  On the other hand, I've always have regular periods and have no health problems, and it took us a year.  I was 32 when we started, but I wouldn't have changed anything if I had known it would take a little while. 

    Enjoy spending time with your husband, travel, go out to dinner and to concerts, be spontaneous!  I still wistfully think of our lives before we had our daughter, but would never in a million years wish we never had her. She is the best thing in the world! And I guarantee you will think the same thing of your future child, no matter when you have him/her. Good luck! 

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    If you're sure you want kids, I'd say go for it, now.  You'll never be perfectly ready - I mean, what does that even feel like??  Do you know?  Would you recognize "readiness" when you woke up one day ready?  

    I think if you both are sure you want kids, 9 months would be plenty of time to ready yourself emotionally if it were to happen right away.

    If you can't imagine life without kids, the fact that every year your fertility (even without problems) goes down means you better get crackin' in my mind.

    ETA:  This might sound harsh, but imo, if you're old enough to be married, you know you want kids, and there's nothing particularly wrong with you, you're as emotionally ready for kids as you'll ever be right now.  There are plenty of non-emotional reasons to put off having kids, but really, what is a legitimate emotional reason for a married couple (not a teenager hoping to be unconditionally loved by a baby) who is in a stable relationship, can support a child, etc., to put it off?  I imagine that you're getting up every day, looking in the mirror, and examining your forehead for a green light to know for sure that this is the time, but you KNOW life isn't that concrete or obvious, and if you want kids, try to have them while your chances are the highest they'll ever be of conceiving - Right Now.

    If this produces serious anxiety clearly beyond what anyone would feel about bringing a child into the world, ask yourself why.  Something you've called "emotionally unready" is holding you back and I can't imagine what it might be, but you need to figure it out.

    (Unless you are talking about a particular "emotional problem" that one or both of you has that needs to be taken care of first by a professional, but it doesn't sound like you mean that.)
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from siena09. Show siena09's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    kar--I think you have distilled what I was thinking (maybe more about myself than about ilovebeagles) and said it better.  our biology makes fertility an uncertain gamble and the odds are better for us the earlier we start. if the rest of the pieces are ready and we have the necessary resources available, and feel pretty certain that we would prefer having children at some point to never having children, then moving forward with that plan makes sense.  thanks for the clarity. :)  

    i love the freedom and just-the-two-of-us time with my husband too, but I figure that what I take now, I'll be giving up when I'm in my early 50s. I forecast I will enjoy that time at least as much then as I do now. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from thistleflower. Show thistleflower's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    I'm not necessarily going to say to start trying immediately--but I do agree with those who say to consider trying sooner rather than later.  I'm also a type A personality (and also a lawyer) and TTC made me crazy.  I had no reason to expect problems ahead of time, but I did have problems, and it took about 15 months to conceive (plus of course 9 of pregnancy!) so now I'm looking at having a baby about 2 years after we decided we were ready for one.  Especially during the period when I couldn't seem to get successfully pregnant, it was incredibly stressful and I felt like my life was just stalled--I didn't feel like I could try to switch jobs while we were trying for example, or plan for any other major changes, and I was really grief-stricken about the ectopic pregnancy I had early on, and really afraid of either never having a baby or of having interventions I really didn't want go on and on.  And I wished that we had started to try sooner, and came up with some nasty feelings of resentment that we hadn't gotten married sooner than we did (we dated for many years first) and so on.  (Now that I am pregnant and almost due, those feelings are really gone, but I'm still glad we didn't wait any longer.)  Those were really among the worst months of my life.  I do think that's a personality problem on my part--plenty of people are able to relax and just see what happens--but it sounds like you and I may be similar types.  So my best advice is to start trying on the early side, so that when you do start you aren't feeling like you need it to happen right away.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Either you want kids or you don't.  What does "sooner rather than later" really mean other than "start trying now" except that it sounds a lot nicer and less pushy.

    Yes, you can get pg as soon as you start trying, but chances are good you won't.  And, if you do, so much the better because you know you want kids (although, the more consternation you express about this the less I believe you're that sure - but, I'm not the one that needs to be convinced hence this being a parenthetical thought).  What would be the problem if you were to get pg right away?  Would you honestly see the + and say, "Darn, we're pregnant.  I was really hoping it would take a year or two...or more even.  Shoot.  Well, what can ya do, we knew this could happen.  I guess we'll have to live with having a child 9 months instead of three years from now."
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Especially during the period when I couldn't seem to get successfully pregnant, it was incredibly stressful and I felt like my life was just stalled--I didn't feel like I could try to switch jobs while we were trying for example, or plan for any other major changes,

    Exactly, thistle!  This is the most frustrating part for me right now - feeling like I can't plan any major changes.  I keep telling myself not to hold up the rest of my life while we try, but its always there in the back of my head (what will the ramifications be if I get pg right when/after we do _____?).


    Beagles - sounds like you have a good plan and are really thinking it through.  I think its perfectly legitimate to know you definitley want kids, just not right now.  If you don't want kids right now, don't start trying right now. True that as you age, it becomes harder, but waiting until you are 31 isn't going to ruin any and all chance you have of concieving.  Especially given what technology is available out there.  My 2 cents -  Plan to start at 31, and if you feel it before then, start earlier.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    The fertility rate for ages 25-29 is 78% and for 30-34 it's down to 63%?  Yes, 63% isn't 0%, for sure, but neither is it 78%.

    For someone with PCOS the rate of decrease in fertility by age is even greater than that. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    If you are THAT concerned about fertility decrease if you wait a year or two, see about getting a test to determine your ovarian reserve or some other test to test your fertility [not your chances of getting pg, since you can't do that until you actually try].  If you don't like the results and you are both on board w/ trying now, then try now.  But asking a bunch of people whether it makes sense to wait or try now, when you aren't even sure whether your fertility is a real issue, or w/o defining what 'husband in the middle of a career change' actually means, there is no way we can tell you if you are in a good situation to start trying now.  Only you can decide whether, when or if you want to attempt to bring a new life into the world, and one that you will be responsible for for the rest of yours.  Talk to your doctor or get a referral to determine if your fertility is really an issue.  PCOS is treatable, but if you don't have the ovarian reserve to start w/, not ovulating regularly is the least of your worries.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    In Response to Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?:
    [QUOTE]Especially during the period when I couldn't seem to get successfully pregnant, it was incredibly stressful and I felt like my life was just stalled--I didn't feel like I could try to switch jobs while we were trying for example, or plan for any other major changes, Exactly, thistle!  This is the most frustrating part for me right now - feeling like I can't plan any major changes.  I keep telling myself not to hold up the rest of my life while we try, but its always there in the back of my head (what will the ramifications be if I get pg right when/after we do _____?). Posted by Novembride[/QUOTE]

    Thistle and Nov - this is something I deal with constantly.  Every decision that we make for the future I have this little thought of "but what if I'm pregnant" or "If I get pregnant now/next cycle/this fall then I will be X months along so could we still do that?"  It can drive you crazy! 

    Sorry to go off on a tangent, Beagles.  I think you're getting some great advice and several viewpoints but it sounds like you know what will work for you and DH. Wishing you both the best with whatever decision you make!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Yes, ALF, the OP has gone to some decent lengths to imply that it's very simple, but isn't because of a nebulous "not ready" reasoning.  How are we supposed to help?
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Tangerine5. Show Tangerine5's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Beagles, I can understand where you're coming from - you and DH have worked hard for the past several years, and now you want to take a breath and relax for a little while before jumping into parenthood. I had one more thought - by the time I started up with my RE and fertility treatments, I was very motivated to get pg, and TTC quickly consumed my life. My emotions were all over the place, and just the amount of appointments and medications to keep up with could be overwhelming. At times it was really hard on me and DH, and being a more Type A person, I'd get very frustrated when things didn't work.

    I'd say that it's important to really, really want to get pg in order to handle the IF stuff. I used to joke with my RE that she probably had very few problems with medication adherence among her patients, despite the sh*tty nature of all the injections, side effects, blood tests, ultrasounds, etc, since her patients were among the most motivated in the world.  Sometimes I'd have 4 appointments in a week, and felt so sketchy having to constantly make up excuses to miss work yet again. It's a PITA, and I absolutely hope you don't have to go down that road. But it's worth considering that as you think through the options. Whenever you start to feel "kind of ready," it might be worth getting off bcp and starting that 6 month period in a more casual way. When you hit the point of "reallyreadygottagetpgrightNOW," as I had by the time I stopped bcp, it could be a long and frustrating road. Hopefully not! But just something to consider.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Thanks guys!
    Sorry Kar and ALF - I dont mean to be nebulous. I was trying to be clear that "now' is not on the table at all. I am 29, DH is 30. Our plan has always been 32-33ish. 
    DH is working at his usual job, but is going to school at night to get his teaching license. He will be done by January, hopes to find a job then or at the very least, by September. He has no intention of quitting his usual job until he switches.
    I already did followup testing - and my doc's plan for me is 6 months of old-fashioned trying, followed by chlomid pills, upgrade to injections for 6 months, then off to IVF. Hoping of course, it works sooner rather than later. 

    My main question - although I value everyone's opinions - was mainly from other people with fertility issues - did they wish they had started earlier in the process? It seems everyone had different stories, and thoughts, which I anticipated. Everyone knows people who thought they would have trouble and got pg right away, and people who were 100% healthy but had tons of trouble getting pg. It's always up for debate.
    Like Tangerine said, I dont want to get to the point of "i gotta get pg right now!" because I know how frustrating TTC can be for anyone, let alone someone who may be facing pills, specialists, shots etc.  

    But, it is comforting to hear other people's opinions and not live in my own head. 


     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    I hope your plan works out according to your preferred time table and am pleased to know that discussing it with us did help even if we missed some marks with your situation.  

    Hopefully, people who were in a similar boat will weigh in and you can glean what you expect to get from it.

    Best,
    ~kar
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from tomarra. Show tomarra's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    ilove, I don't think starting our TTC process would have made a difference for us.  We started the TTC process when I was 32 and DH was 37.  It has been 22 months (17 cycles) and we haven't been sucessful yet.  The RE diagnosis me PCOS (and maybe endometriosis) and they found no issue with DH.  We have tried Metformin (still on it), 6 cycles of Clomid the last with combine with IUI.  Our next couse of action will be IVF in January 2012.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    GL, tomarra!  You've been through a lot already for a long time.  Keep the faith - you've got 3 more tries between now and January.  Although, I know it's hard to pass another year mark of TTC.  Our 3rd is next month.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from tomarra. Show tomarra's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Thank you kargiver you and your DH are often in our prayers.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Thanks, tomarra, that means a lot to me.   May you be blessed for all your efforts soon.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Best of luck in all your efforts to you both, I will be thinking of you both and sending you good baby-making thoughts!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: For people who knew they would have issues conceiving - how much extra time to add in timeline?

    Ilove - Just my two cents . Polycystic ovaries may decrease your chances of spontaneous pregnancy but in my experience, I  think that even if you needed additional help people tend to do very well. 
    Alf's suggestion of checking ovarian reserve is an interesting one. I suppose if I had a FSH that was elevated on day 3 (simple blood test) I would be more likely to start trying.  However, at your age I think decreased ovarian reserve would be quite unlikely.   Additionally, day 3 FSH and antral follicle count is predictive of success with IVF more so than success with natural pregnancy.

    So, that all being said, I would not sweat a couple of years at your age. 

    Tomarra - six cycles on clomid is so draining.  I remember being so ready to go to IVF but having to do my time after I think 6 IUIs. Odd are quite a bit higher with IVF so I am excited for you for January! 
     

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