Re: Handling baby showers and other events
posted at 1/29/2013 8:30 AM EST
I totally admire ALF and Kargiver and they are completely correct about what a total crapshoot parenthood and life is, however I am shallow and selfish and found baby showers unbearable when I was unsuccessful in my TTC journey, so I'll just give you some solid, practical tips. I'm a mom of one now (LOVE IT, so worth the wait), wish I could have more, so baby showers are still a little dicey for me.
Baby showers in people's homes are easier, because you volunteer to help in any and every way, you get people drinks, clear tables and help pick up, help set ups, take out trash - you can stay very busy at an at home baby shower, and I do remember crying in the sink at my (younger and alcoholic) sisters baby shower. Present opening and the ohhing and ahhing over cute baby things takes place at the same time as table clearing and dish washing. I help out with these things, it gives me something to distract myself with, and I look helpful and enthusiastic.
If they are at a restaurant, volunteering to make the list for the thank you notes is a good distraction, or arranging the gifts after opening can be distracting (otherwise, hang to the edges so you can step away).
Acknowledge to someone - not the quest of honor or the host or someone petty, but someone you love and trust, that this is hard for you and you are doing your best. Sometimes, just being able to give someone else a glance helps. This same person should step up and shut down any "when will it be your turn..." comments. For me, the family network shuts down most of this. Everyone knows you do not say anything to me about pregnancy, pretty much ever.
Trust me on this, do not think you'll feel better if you have a few drinks at the shower. You will not, not in any way, shape or form.
Make plans for immediately after the shower, a place to go and something to do. Otherwise, you will go home and sulk and cry, and that is not productive.
HTH, believe me there are alot of people out there who have a hard time with baby showers. Know you are not alone, I think that's the most important thing to remember.
Edited to add: My gosh, I sound SO pathetic! It's really not that bad!