Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Tangerine5. Show Tangerine5's posts

    Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    I know we have wedding boards for this, but...I don't know those ladies like I know you! :) And I know I'll get some great advice on this....so here goes:

    DH and I are attending the out-of-state wedding of one of his (not super-close) college buddies next month. I've never met the bride-to-be. I was invited to her shower last month, and I declined - I was busy, and it was clearly a "invite every female guest" situation, since, again, I've never met her. I did not send a gift, since I didn't think it necessary - I would never expect a shower gift from someone I've never met who didn't attend my shower (nor would I invite someone I'd never met, but that's a different story).

    So fast-forward to a couple weeks ago, when I ordered what I thought to be a fairly generous wedding gift off their registry and had it sent directly to them. Just to provide context, I used coupons and sales to buy a roughly $200 gift for about $150, which I thought was just fine. Yesterday, I got a thank-you note in the mail, addressed to me, thanking me for the "shower gift" and expressing gratitude for my gift despite the fact I hadn't been able to attend the shower.

    What would you do? That was definitely the wedding gift, and I ain't buying another one. Should I (or DH) get in touch with the groom-to-be and let him know that it was in fact the wedding gift, and not a ridiculously over-generous shower gift? (WHY would she think I'd send her a $200 shower gift when I've never met her?) Or should I just let it go, and let her figure it out for herself when she realizes that an even more expensive wedding gift is not forthcoming?

    Thanks, ladies! Argh, just when I thought I'd escaped wedding etiquette h&ll for awhile....
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    Do nothing.  Attend the wedding and give them a card with nothing in it but your congratulations.  Your DH's buddy isn't going to care whether the gift was for the shower or the wedding.  They'll figure it out after the fact.  GL.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    oooohh, awkward!  Interestingly presumptious of the bride (faux pas on her part) - in her shoes (doesn't know you, you didn;t go to the shower, and presumable the wedding gift was signed from you and DH)  I think I would have just sent a "thank you for the gift" w/o any qualifier, but that was not the question...

    I'd not bring it up.  Just give a card at the wedding - congrats, glad we could be here to share your happy day.  Maybe they'll figure it out then.  If not, and they ever bring it up to you, you can explain then and say that you didn't want to embarass her by bringing it up before the wedding and before you had ever actually met her.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    Who knows, she might have been doing a pile of shower thank you notes and just added you to the bunch.  I wouldn't get too worked up about it.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    Don't say anything. If they are stupid enough to ask you about it, you can always say it was a combination shower/wedding gift.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    Like the others have said, I think you are just fine to leave it as is.  Just out of curiosity, what kind of card did you send with it?  Just thinking that if you had the gift directly shipped, perhaps there wasn't a card that said "Congratulations on your wedding . . " or something like that.  Again, no bigge, and I wouldn't worry about it.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Tangerine5. Show Tangerine5's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    Thanks, everybody. Nov, I totally agree - I would never make the assumption she did...but who knows, maybe she was "showered" with all sorts of pricey goodies! To me, shower gifts are more along the lines of kitchen utensils and baking sheets, but hey. Princess-cal, yeah, I had it sent directly with a message that probably said "Congrats, X&Y! Can't wait to celebrate with you next month. Love, Mr. & Mrs. Z" or something like that. So it didn't say "Happy Wedding!" but it also didn't say "Happy Shower, sorry I missed it!" Anyway, I will take everyone's advice and just stay quiet and drop off a nice card at the wedding. Thanks for talking me down!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Krystabel. Show Krystabel's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    Hi Tangerine,

    You already got your answer, but I wanted to add that this spring I was in a similar situation where I was invited to an out of state shower for a friend of DH's family that I had met once for 20 minutes over 10 years ago... I too was a little put out being invited... and didn't attend or send a shower gift... we gave money in a card at the wedding though, so I didn't have the same sticky situation with the weird thank you note.  I agree with everyone else - let them figure it out.  :-)
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    fwiw, I agree with everyone else.  You are not responsible for correcting her or doing anything about her assumption.  I actually considered my shower and our wedding gifts all "wedding gifts" in the end, anyway, even though I wrote shower and wedding thank you notes.  She'll figure it out and if she ever brings up her gaff, just laugh it off graciously as no big deal.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    I'm late to the game but I agree with everyone else. Would it be out of line to include a little note in the wedding card saying "Hope you guys get lots of use out of your new (insert gift)!"?  That seems to me like one way to point across that your gift was actually their wedding gift without pointing out that her assumption was wrong.

    I will say that this situation actually happened to me, kinda.  We received a gift at our house that was all twelve of our requested dinner plates prior to my shower.  I wasn't sure if it was for the shower or wedding (or honestly both considering the price).  I sent a card just thanking them for the wedding gift rather than specifying the shower.  A few weeks later at the shower I received a shower gift from this woman at which point I figured out that it was their wedding present to us.  At the wedding they just left a card wishing us a happy marriage.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from MichelleandtheBoys. Show MichelleandtheBoys's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    You could write a note in the card that says, "We're so glad you liked the  ____ ", and leave it at that.  
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    Oh, yeah, mention it in the wedding card - I love that idea, Michelle!!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Tangerine5. Show Tangerine5's posts

    Re: Totally OT - wedding gift etiquette?

    Ooh, great suggestion, you guys - that's exactly what I'll do. Thanks!!
     

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