Notice: All Boston.com forums will be retired as of May 31st, 2016 and will not be archived. Thank you for your participation in this community, and we hope you continue to enjoy other content at Boston.com.
TTCing and Friends
TTCing and Friends
posted at 9/1/2009 1:11 PM EDTHi BTCers! My husband and I recently decided that it was TTC time, but I have 2 friends who have been trying for a few months and are very intent on having that baby. Not that it's necessarily going to happen, but have any of you either been the one "left behind" or what happens if you end up pregnant before they do? Anyone have any good coping suggestions either way? I'm afraid of just a little friendship strain that could be caused by one conceiving before the others when we're really all in the same game. KWIM?
Re: TTCing and Friends
posted at 9/1/2009 2:01 PM EDTIt may be easier said than done, but you need just to concentrate on yourself and your and your partner's TTC journey. As you noted there are no guarantees for anyone in this process (just look back on some of the old posts on this board for evidence of that), so there's no point in adding additional stress over "who's first", "who's left behind", etc. TTC is only one part of each of your and your friends' lives. You still continue to be the same kind of friends you always are--supportive, understanding, interested in each others' lives beyond babies, etc.
For what it's worth, I am 37 and expecting my first (got married when I was 34). I have good friends who have tween children and other friends who are in the adoption process after 3 years of TTC hell (and I don't use that word lightly). I've never felt left out or looked down on by friends who became parents earlier in life and I can still have open, honest conversations with the friends who have/are struggling TTC. Is it always easy or comfortable? No. But, that's the great thing about good friends--you're allowed to be a little "messy" with each other. That's what you hold onto at the end of the day.
Good luck with the process. It's not like anything else you'll ever go through in life.