A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Quagmire3. Show Quagmire3's posts

    A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    Ok, I am always up for a good laugh so lets hear your best clean or semi clean joke.....(lets try not to offend folks unless they are Jetsfans) Here is an oldie but a goodie...

    How do you keep a Jets fan from masterbating?

    Paint his weiner New England Red White and Blue and he won't beat it for 2 years!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from PatsEng. Show PatsEng's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    It was a little boys 10 yr birthday and his family, living in NY, decided to go to the mall and let him pick out anything he wanted for his present. They made their way to a sports store and the little boy immediately ran over to the Jerseys.

    He grab a Brady jersey and went to his sister and said "how about this". His sister came back saying "what are you nuts why would you want an ugly thing like that, Brady's gay anyways. Get a Tebow jersey, he's hot". The boy saddened said back "but Brady and the Pats are the best and I want to root for the best"

    The boy disheartened but determined went to his mother next with the jersey. "Mom I want this". The mother looked shocked and said "put that dirty thing back before your father sees it, there a bunch of losers anyways. How about a nice football instead"

    The boy determined now went to his father thinking, well the others were women they don't understand a mans connection to sports. "Dad I want this". His father turned bright read and said "no son of mine is going to root for that j@ck@ss team of cheaters. They haven't done anything special and in this family we are Jets fans, the only true worthy team. Now grab a Sanchez jersey and be happy"

    On the drive home the father looks back at the son and says "So, son did you have a good time today, what did you learn?

    The son replied back "I've been a Pats fan for only 30mins and already had my team called gay, cheaters, and losers from a bunch of people who haven't won anything in the last 40yrs. God, I hate Jet fans"
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from CaptainZdeno33. Show CaptainZdeno33's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    All of my best jokes are wildly inappropriate so I'll stick with the football theme.

    Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees are visiting Heaven. God, sitting on his magnificent throne, asks each of them what they believe in. Drew Brees starts off by saying I believe that the Saints are the best team in the league and the city of NO has the best fans. Manning says I believe that I will bring a winning tradition back to the Denver Broncos and make John Elway proud. And finally, God says, and you, Tom? What do you believe?

    Tom Brady looks at God and says, "I believe you're in my seat."
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sam-Adams. Show Sam-Adams's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    This is the best joke I know

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from SANPAT. Show SANPAT's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPwsiMItsoc&feature=youtube_gdata_player
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from tanbass. Show tanbass's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    How do you circumsize a Jets fan?


    Kick his sister in the jaw.....
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sam-Adams. Show Sam-Adams's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    How do you circumsize a Jets fan?


    Kick his sister in the jaw.....


    Is that what happened to Firemaggot Ed?
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonSportsFan111. Show BostonSportsFan111's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPwsiMItsoc&feature=youtube_gdata_player
    Posted by SANPAT[/QUOTE]

    Always loved that one...
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from nyjoseph. Show nyjoseph's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlIrI80og8c
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ChasaB. Show ChasaB's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    my favorite joke is this really good knock knock joke.. 

    But someone else needs to start it.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from dmcpatsfan. Show dmcpatsfan's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    I was talking with a farmer who happen to be a Jets fan...he brought me out to his barn & said look at all these beautiful animals...there were horses, goats, cows, ducks, pigs etc...I said, wow, you have quite an assortment here...he then proceeded to tell me how he has sex with them on a regular basis...shocked, I said all of them??!! OF COURSE NOT he exclaimed, not the pigs, they'd squeel on me!!!!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYPat. Show NYPat's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    Awesome!


    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]It was a little boys 10 yr birthday and his family, living in NY, decided to go to the mall and let him pick out anything he wanted for his present. They made their way to a sports store and the little boy immediately ran over to the Jerseys. He grab a Brady jersey and went to his sister and said "how about this". His sister came back saying "what are you nuts why would you want an ugly thing like that, Brady's gay anyways. Get a Tebow jersey, he's hot". The boy saddened said back "but Brady and the Pats are the best and I want to root for the best" The boy disheartened but determined went to his mother next with the jersey. "Mom I want this". The mother looked shocked and said "put that dirty thing back before your father sees it, there a bunch of losers anyways. How about a nice football instead" The boy determined now went to his father thinking, well the others were women they don't understand a mans connection to sports. "Dad I want this". His father turned bright read and said "no son of mine is going to root for that j@ck@ss team of cheaters. They haven't done anything special and in this family we are Jets fans, the only true worthy team. Now grab a Sanchez jersey and be happy" On the drive home the father looks back at the son and says "So, son did you have a good time today, what did you learn? The son replied back "I've been a Pats fan for only 30mins and already had my team called gay, cheaters, and losers from a bunch of people who haven't won anything in the last 40yrs. God, I hate Jet fans"
    Posted by PatsEng[/QUOTE]
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Iceman4. Show Iceman4's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    What did the Pat's fan father say to his son who was going off to be a Buffalo fan?...

    Bison
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Salcon. Show Salcon's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPwsiMItsoc&feature=youtube_gdata_player
    Posted by SANPAT[/QUOTE]

    That's a classic.

    But to be honest, I'll laugh at almost anything that has chimps in it.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from stewart7557. Show stewart7557's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

     

    You know, dear, she says, I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my booobs are barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.

     

    She turns to her husband and says, Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.

     

    He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice. Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.

     

    Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at The First Universalist Chursh. Female friends of the family are invited.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from LazarusintheSanatorium. Show LazarusintheSanatorium's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]my favorite joke is this really good knock knock joke..  But someone else needs to start it.
    Posted by ChasaB[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely NO- one wants to be made a fool of?!?

    Alright then, I have no issue with it:

    "Knock-   knock..."

    <and it's too late...I'm already fully expecting no reply />
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from LazarusintheSanatorium. Show LazarusintheSanatorium's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.   You know, dear, she says, I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my booobs are barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.   She turns to her husband and says, Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.   He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice. Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.   Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at The First Universalist Chursh. Female friends of the family are invited.
    Posted by stewart7557[/QUOTE]


    I fully stand by this creed...  There are 2 Groups, in which it almost NEVER- never, never, never, never, Ever- pays to be completely honest & give full discolsure to:  Police & Women. 

    They say they trully want you to...And they actually do.  But it will never even once benefit you, even in the slightest degree.  That "respectable candor" WILL be used to bury you in a pit so deep, that you will never be able to clime out of it, given an hour...a week, a year...or until the end of time.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from stewart7557. Show stewart7557's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke.... : Absolutely NO- one wants to be made a fool of?!? Alright then, I have no issue with it: "Knock-   knock..." <and it's too late...I'm already fully expecting no reply />
    Posted by LazarusintheSanatorium[/QUOTE]

    Knock Knock....

    Whis is there?

    Doris......

    Doris Who?


    The Doris is locked Stupid - That's why I Knocked.......


     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from LazarusintheSanatorium. Show LazarusintheSanatorium's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke.... : Knock Knock.... Whis is there? Doris...... Doris Who? The Doris is locked Stupid - That's why I Knocked.......
    Posted by stewart7557[/QUOTE]

    Wait- Was I the one at the door, or the one answering it?
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from stewart7557. Show stewart7557's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke.... : Wait- Was I the one at the door, or the one answering it?
    Posted by LazarusintheSanatorium[/QUOTE]

    Laz ? Do they have doors in the Sanatorium? I thought you lived in a padded cell....
    ====================================


    There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They
    lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
    The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said,
    "Mmmmm, I smell sausage.
    The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said
    "Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes."
    The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but
    couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, "The
    only thing I can smell is molasses."

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Stommpper. Show Stommpper's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    A Bear and a Rabbit are in the woods next to each other taking a shiet,
    The Bear looks down to the Rabbit and says, Excuse me Mr. Rabbit,
    Do you have any problems with shiet sticking to your fur?
    The Rabbit looks to the Ber and says, Hellll no,
    So, the Bear wiped his azzz with the Rabbit! Surprised
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from BoisesBiggestPatsFan. Show BoisesBiggestPatsFan's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    Did you hear about the peanut who got mugged in the park? He was a salted.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from anonymis. Show anonymis's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    one day at the bar, Rusty and Babe was having a civil conversation about football over a drink and.....
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ddimaria. Show ddimaria's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
    [QUOTE]Did you hear about the peanut who got mugged in the park? He was a salted.
    Posted by BoisesBiggestPatsFan[/QUOTE]

    What do you call an illegally parked frog?  Toad

    A man is driving across the Golden Gate Bridge in his BMW 7 series... he is in ragged clothes..dirty nasty.... grungy stuff.... looks like he hasnt showered in a week.  He looks in the rear view mirror and sees flashing blues...

    He pulls over... the cop comes up to the windows and says "License and Registration"... the guy hands over all his documents to the cop.  The cop responds "How do you afford this BMW?  You dont look like you could afford this... what do you do for a living?" 

    The guy responds... "I'm a hole stretcher"

    Cop responds "What's a hole stretcher?"

    Gentleman responds "Well, I start with a finger... then another .. until I get my whole hand in there.... pretty soon with a little work, you have a six foot hole"

    "What in the hell do you do with a six foot hole?" asks the cop.

    "I give it a badge and a gun and call it a cop" replied the man.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Quagmire3. Show Quagmire3's posts

    Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....

    Jetsmangione is going thru airborne school and calls home to his buddy. "Man this is tough! The drill seargent took three of us way up in a plane. He opened the door and told the first guy JUMP! and the guy did. He grabbed the next guy and said JUMP! and he did. He looked at me and said JUMP! I told him no I'm a sissy i can't. The drill sergant dropped his pants and said, "Jetsmangione if you dont jump I'm gonna take my manhood and stick it where the sun dont shine!" His buddy said did you jump? and jetsmangione said "yeah, a little bit!!!!!"

     
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