Ok, I am always up for a good laugh so lets hear your best clean or semi clean joke.....(lets try not to offend folks unless they are Jetsfans) Here is an oldie but a goodie...
How do you keep a Jets fan from masterbating?
Paint his weiner New England Red White and Blue and he won't beat it for 2 years!
A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
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A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 10:41 AM EDT
- Quagmire3
- Posts: 1849
- First: 12/4/2010
- Last: 5/19/2013
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Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 10:58 AM EDT
- PatsEng
- Posts: 9145
- First: 2/11/2009
- Last: 5/21/2013
It was a little boys 10 yr birthday and his family, living in NY, decided to go to the mall and let him pick out anything he wanted for his present. They made their way to a sports store and the little boy immediately ran over to the Jerseys.
He grab a Brady jersey and went to his sister and said "how about this". His sister came back saying "what are you nuts why would you want an ugly thing like that, Brady's gay anyways. Get a Tebow jersey, he's hot". The boy saddened said back "but Brady and the Pats are the best and I want to root for the best"
The boy disheartened but determined went to his mother next with the jersey. "Mom I want this". The mother looked shocked and said "put that dirty thing back before your father sees it, there a bunch of losers anyways. How about a nice football instead"
The boy determined now went to his father thinking, well the others were women they don't understand a mans connection to sports. "Dad I want this". His father turned bright read and said "no son of mine is going to root for that j@ck@ss team of cheaters. They haven't done anything special and in this family we are Jets fans, the only true worthy team. Now grab a Sanchez jersey and be happy"
On the drive home the father looks back at the son and says "So, son did you have a good time today, what did you learn?
The son replied back "I've been a Pats fan for only 30mins and already had my team called gay, cheaters, and losers from a bunch of people who haven't won anything in the last 40yrs. God, I hate Jet fans" -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 11:16 AM EDT
- CaptainZdeno33
- Posts: 2308
- First: 8/2/2009
- Last: 5/20/2013
All of my best jokes are wildly inappropriate so I'll stick with the football theme.
Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees are visiting Heaven. God, sitting on his magnificent throne, asks each of them what they believe in. Drew Brees starts off by saying I believe that the Saints are the best team in the league and the city of NO has the best fans. Manning says I believe that I will bring a winning tradition back to the Denver Broncos and make John Elway proud. And finally, God says, and you, Tom? What do you believe?
Tom Brady looks at God and says, "I believe you're in my seat." -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 11:30 AM EDT
- Sam-Adams
- Posts: 2191
- First: 9/29/2009
- Last: 4/1/2013
This is the best joke I know
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Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 11:38 AM EDT
- SANPAT
- Posts: 363
- First: 2/11/2010
- Last: 5/12/2013
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Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 11:47 AM EDT
- tanbass
- Posts: 721
- First: 8/11/2005
- Last: 5/21/2013
How do you circumsize a Jets fan?
Kick his sister in the jaw..... -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 11:57 AM EDT
- Sam-Adams
- Posts: 2191
- First: 9/29/2009
- Last: 4/1/2013
How do you circumsize a Jets fan?
Kick his sister in the jaw.....
Is that what happened to Firemaggot Ed? -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 12:00 PM EDT
- BostonSportsFan111
- Posts: 1123
- First: 12/5/2008
- Last: 5/19/2013
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
Always loved that one... -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 12:01 PM EDT
- nyjoseph
- Posts: 2391
- First: 4/28/2007
- Last: 2/12/2013
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Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 12:39 PM EDT
- ChasaB
- Posts: 895
- First: 9/4/2009
- Last: 9/21/2012
my favorite joke is this really good knock knock joke..But someone else needs to start it. -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 1:19 PM EDT
- dmcpatsfan
- Posts: 697
- First: 1/4/2010
- Last: 6/21/2012
I was talking with a farmer who happen to be a Jets fan...he brought me out to his barn & said look at all these beautiful animals...there were horses, goats, cows, ducks, pigs etc...I said, wow, you have quite an assortment here...he then proceeded to tell me how he has sex with them on a regular basis...shocked, I said all of them??!! OF COURSE NOT he exclaimed, not the pigs, they'd squeel on me!!!! -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 1:26 PM EDT
- NYPat
- Posts: 295
- First: 8/26/2010
- Last: 4/27/2013
Awesome!
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:It was a little boys 10 yr birthday and his family, living in NY, decided to go to the mall and let him pick out anything he wanted for his present. They made their way to a sports store and the little boy immediately ran over to the Jerseys. He grab a Brady jersey and went to his sister and said "how about this". His sister came back saying "what are you nuts why would you want an ugly thing like that, Brady's gay anyways. Get a Tebow jersey, he's hot". The boy saddened said back "but Brady and the Pats are the best and I want to root for the best" The boy disheartened but determined went to his mother next with the jersey. "Mom I want this". The mother looked shocked and said "put that dirty thing back before your father sees it, there a bunch of losers anyways. How about a nice football instead" The boy determined now went to his father thinking, well the others were women they don't understand a mans connection to sports. "Dad I want this". His father turned bright read and said "no son of mine is going to root for that j@ck@ss team of cheaters. They haven't done anything special and in this family we are Jets fans, the only true worthy team. Now grab a Sanchez jersey and be happy" On the drive home the father looks back at the son and says "So, son did you have a good time today, what did you learn? The son replied back "I've been a Pats fan for only 30mins and already had my team called gay, cheaters, and losers from a bunch of people who haven't won anything in the last 40yrs. God, I hate Jet fans"
Posted by PatsEng -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 1:35 PM EDT
- Iceman4
- Posts: 1581
- First: 9/11/2008
- Last: 5/21/2013
What did the Pat's fan father say to his son who was going off to be a Buffalo fan?...
Bison -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:09 PM EDT
- Salcon
- Posts: 1163
- First: 8/31/2008
- Last: 5/20/2013
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:
That's a classic.
But to be honest, I'll laugh at almost anything that has chimps in it. -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:13 PM EDT
- stewart7557
- Posts: 168
- First: 6/24/2009
- Last: 5/14/2013
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
You know, dear, she says, I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my booobs are barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.
She turns to her husband and says, Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice. Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at The First Universalist Chursh. Female friends of the family are invited.
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Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:15 PM EDT
- LazarusintheSanatorium
- Posts: 4082
- First: 6/4/2008
- Last: 3/2/2013
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:my favorite joke is this really good knock knock joke.. But someone else needs to start it.
Posted by ChasaB
Absolutely NO- one wants to be made a fool of?!?
Alright then, I have no issue with it:
"Knock- knock..."
<and it's too late...I'm already fully expecting no reply /> -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:19 PM EDT
- LazarusintheSanatorium
- Posts: 4082
- First: 6/4/2008
- Last: 3/2/2013
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. You know, dear, she says, I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my booobs are barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby. She turns to her husband and says, Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself. He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice. Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight. Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at The First Universalist Chursh. Female friends of the family are invited.
Posted by stewart7557
I fully stand by this creed... There are 2 Groups, in which it almost NEVER- never, never, never, never, Ever- pays to be completely honest & give full discolsure to: Police & Women.
They say they trully want you to...And they actually do. But it will never even once benefit you, even in the slightest degree. That "respectable candor" WILL be used to bury you in a pit so deep, that you will never be able to clime out of it, given an hour...a week, a year...or until the end of time. -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:26 PM EDT
- stewart7557
- Posts: 168
- First: 6/24/2009
- Last: 5/14/2013
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke.... : Absolutely NO- one wants to be made a fool of?!? Alright then, I have no issue with it: "Knock- knock..." <and it's too late...I'm already fully expecting no reply />
Posted by LazarusintheSanatorium
Knock Knock....
Whis is there?
Doris......
Doris Who?
The Doris is locked Stupid - That's why I Knocked....... -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:34 PM EDT
- LazarusintheSanatorium
- Posts: 4082
- First: 6/4/2008
- Last: 3/2/2013
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke.... : Knock Knock.... Whis is there? Doris...... Doris Who? The Doris is locked Stupid - That's why I Knocked.......
Posted by stewart7557
Wait- Was I the one at the door, or the one answering it? -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:41 PM EDT
- stewart7557
- Posts: 168
- First: 6/24/2009
- Last: 5/14/2013
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke.... : Wait- Was I the one at the door, or the one answering it?
Posted by LazarusintheSanatorium
Laz ? Do they have doors in the Sanatorium? I thought you lived in a padded cell....
====================================There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They
lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said,
"Mmmmm, I smell sausage.
The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said
"Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes."
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but
couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, "The
only thing I can smell is molasses." -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:45 PM EDT
- Stommpper
- Posts: 213
- First: 12/14/2011
- Last: 8/26/2012
A Bear and a Rabbit are in the woods next to each other taking a shiet,
The Bear looks down to the Rabbit and says, Excuse me Mr. Rabbit,
Do you have any problems with shiet sticking to your fur?
The Rabbit looks to the Ber and says, Hellll no,
So, the Bear wiped his azzz with the Rabbit!
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Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 2:55 PM EDT
- BoisesBiggestPatsFan
- Posts: 58
- First: 1/6/2011
- Last: 4/8/2013
Did you hear about the peanut who got mugged in the park? He was a salted. -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 3:18 PM EDT
- anonymis
- Posts: 1756
- First: 9/25/2010
- Last: 5/20/2013
one day at the bar, Rusty and Babe was having a civil conversation about football over a drink and..... -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 3:23 PM EDT
- ddimaria
- Posts: 86
- First: 11/17/2010
- Last: 5/17/2013
In Response to Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....:Did you hear about the peanut who got mugged in the park? He was a salted.
Posted by BoisesBiggestPatsFan
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad
A man is driving across the Golden Gate Bridge in his BMW 7 series... he is in ragged clothes..dirty nasty.... grungy stuff.... looks like he hasnt showered in a week. He looks in the rear view mirror and sees flashing blues...
He pulls over... the cop comes up to the windows and says "License and Registration"... the guy hands over all his documents to the cop. The cop responds "How do you afford this BMW? You dont look like you could afford this... what do you do for a living?"
The guy responds... "I'm a hole stretcher"
Cop responds "What's a hole stretcher?"
Gentleman responds "Well, I start with a finger... then another .. until I get my whole hand in there.... pretty soon with a little work, you have a six foot hole"
"What in the hell do you do with a six foot hole?" asks the cop.
"I give it a badge and a gun and call it a cop" replied the man. -
Re: A break from football, tell the forum your best joke....
posted at 5/25/2012 3:28 PM EDT
- Quagmire3
- Posts: 1849
- First: 12/4/2010
- Last: 5/19/2013
Jetsmangione is going thru airborne school and calls home to his buddy. "Man this is tough! The drill seargent took three of us way up in a plane. He opened the door and told the first guy JUMP! and the guy did. He grabbed the next guy and said JUMP! and he did. He looked at me and said JUMP! I told him no I'm a sissy i can't. The drill sergant dropped his pants and said, "Jetsmangione if you dont jump I'm gonna take my manhood and stick it where the sun dont shine!" His buddy said did you jump? and jetsmangione said "yeah, a little bit!!!!!"