Funny Bengals story

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Evil2010. Show Evil2010's posts

    Funny Bengals story

    Now here's how to entice your season ticket holders into re upping after a terrible season.

    I hope my boss doesn't read this article. It may give him ideas for next year's Christmas bonus.
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from patsfaninpa420. Show patsfaninpa420's posts

    Re: Funny Bengals story

    I'd be fine with that, as long as it wasn't kettle corn, then I would riot.
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from p-mike. Show p-mike's posts

    Re: Funny Bengals story

    You know what's sad about this?

    Both times Cincinnatti managed to make it to the Super Bowl, they acquit themselves well against San Francisco juggernauts.

    It's kind of a shame that this team can't seem to get its sh*t together. Every team has its turn as a laughingstock, but really . . .   there should be a limit.

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Funny Bengals story

    Oh my, thats an offer that would be hard to pass up!  Aew you kidding me?  That is seriously almost as bizarre as this whole Rex Ryan foot fetish stuff being posted on youtube.
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Patriots1970. Show Patriots1970's posts

    Re: Funny Bengals story

    So with your Jests season tickets you get foot warmers? haha
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    Re: Funny Bengals story

    I can see it all now, 1 day (not far off) 2 angelic do-gooder longtime Cincy Season Ticket Holders covertly make their way inside the gates of Bengals stadium and sneaking past the guards and Bengals's Execs, the 2 coyly work their way down to the bottom depths of some side corner of the Cincy Players Lockerroom...

    Without being seen, they're finally able to flag down Philip Rivers to make his way on over to their corner...  
    1 of them thus speaks
    on behalf of ALL of whom are the heavenly loyal & decent Cincinnatti Fans throughout The Bengals plagued stay in their City:
    "Alright, gather up your family, friends, and your cr#p, 'Cause you guessed it: The good city folk are finally raining fire and brimstone down on this s#cker come nightfall".

    Philip Rivers:  "I beg you. Can I take Jordan Shipley & Jermaine Gresham.  Gresham's just an Okie--...".

    1 of the Season Ticket Holders: "Muskogee?"

    Philip Rivers: "Well, Ardmore.  But BOTH are rookies!!  They never knew, they never Could Know...they never knew, they never knew...".

    Season Ticket Holders: "Sure, look we're wasting critical ti--."

    Cincinatti Owner
    (WhomeverTH that is) <flanked by security, execs, jersey sales vendors, T.O. (no explanation), OchoCinco (no explanation), Rey Maualuga (b/c I once saw a USC sideline vid of him being behind a girl dancing & mocking her for the 80,000 people in the audience, then whatever soul he still had was lost by fate through the evil capricious draft day gods), Evan Mathis (b/c the 1 true god is a jealous god & already has his chosen people <re: patriots>, and he can't have Mathis gettin' out & further upping the contract $ on great guards, messin' w/ Logan Mankins free agency status), and finally (with the resta the team sacrificing an ark fulla animals in the name of Baul from the Cinci Zoo)-Kevin Huber (because he's from Cincinnatti, Grew up in Cincinnatti, Went to College in Cincinnatti, Plays for the Bengals...oh, and he's a Punter. How many opportunities do you offer some people?).

    Cincinnatti Owner:  "Rivers, get outta the way of Fred & Paul, 2 of the 7 humans whom are still Cincinnatti Bengals season ticket holders.  We would like to rape-them...  At least, well-metaphorically, Yet- (whispering) -we haven't entirely ruled out the other thing.  Some fresh-popped delicious popcorn boys?"
    Philip Rivers:  "I'll give you my virgin daughters- who, well- Are engaged.  Yet this should simply make the deal more enticing...  Just leave us be, Please."

    Cincinatti Owner:  "No way.  Because you have hope beyond these walls of sin (and alota cheap thrills), We're takin' them down & ropin' you in for good...with a contract extension signed in blood."

    Angel Fred & Angel Paul (b/c they're Cinci Fans, so they answer directly to God):  "Get Back DEMONS (throwing the now blessed popcorn in the faces of the Bengals dominions)."

    T.O.: "Hey ah- Ocho, you ah- you blind?" 

    OchoCinco: "Beats me, my moves make guys break their ankles in my sleep."

    T.O.: "Rey, ahhh- You blind?"

    Maualuga: "Not really sure, Last week I got comped at my ink shop & sorta went overboard...hindsight's 20-20 & I went to USC, but really I shoulda stopped before the tattoo needle reached my eyelids."

    T.O.: "Imbec#les...Please, Evan-  Are  You  Blin-..."

    Mathis: "Blin'-as-a-bat, blindamundo, blindarooskie...blind...really, really blind."

    T.O.: "Not cool, Hopefully we'll get this figured out before gameday, Ya J#rks! And even though it won't affect the actual outcome, we'll be back for all'a you!"  

    <Rivers, Gresham, Shipley, & Fred & Paul (the 2 Saintly Cinci Season Tix holders) make their way up, out, and into the stadium parking lot>

    Season Ticket Angel Fred: "Look, there's still hope for each & all of you...Make your way up into the mountains. Personally, I recommend an extremely cap-friendly deal to some great team in the northeast...and if you're thinkin' jets, we'll smite ya right here & now. The ONLY thing ya gotta remember is NEVER look back, NEVER turn around, NEV--...".

    Jordan Shipley: "Ya know, Man- as a rook I already had myself 600 yards; Come ta think'a it, wasn't there a contract clause @ 800 for the season? 2 games to go, hmm- If--.." <WHAMO>.

    Rivers: "Where's Ship...ah man. WhatTH are ya doin' Gresh <walking backwards>?"

    Gresham: <snapping off Shipley's pinkie> "Really, there's no excuse for them to skimp out on the salt as well. I mean look at this?! No salt, no butter...pssh, I'm sure it's margarine."

    Rivers: "I know, thhey really shoulda thought 'bout kettle corn."

    Gresham: "Oh I luv me some kettle doubt." 

    Rivers: "Who doesn't?"