1. After watching Miami and Jax duel it out during a preseason game, if the Dolphins plan on using uber-athlete rookie Vontae Davis as their nickel corner - which they showed by releasing veteran Eric Green this week – they are going to be in deep, deep trouble against New England. Very deep. Like abyss deep.
2. A hurt toe? Really? I mean I liked watching the TO show as it was quite entertaining – but they didn’t call it the TO show for nothing. That was all, is all and will be all that man ever cares about. Buffalo, what if you circle the wagons – but the real enemy is inside the circle?
3. Rex Ryan. You remind me of your dad. Lots of junk talk, bounties for injured players and a big ego. Oh and a better defensive coordinator than head coach. By the end of this season you will be dressed in a black leather full body suit with a zippered mouth slot and chained up inside a cage in Bill Belichick’s basement.
4. Favre. God I loathe you. Here’s hoping for nothing but failure for you. You pant load.
5. Mike Vick. You are a detestable person being that you pissed away your god given ability. You literally barely had to work to become a millionaire – just play a game that you were blessed with amazing ability to play. And you pissed it away. Now you know what you lost. You will be judged by what you do from here on out.
6. Sleeper team? Honestly who knows? Every year it is a freaking crapshoot. My guess. Green Bay Packers.
7. In my unemployed, living in my parents basement pursuit to watch every pre-season football game and promptly incorrectly select all 12 playoff teams - I happened to catch the Raiders vs. Cowboys game. Darren McFadden is fast through the hole. Like lightning fast. I don’t know if he will stay healthy, if he can break tackles or be worth a damn this year. But no one shoots through the hole like him that I have seen in the last couple of years. Maybe DeAngelo Williams.
8. Losing Stewart Bradley at middle linebacker is an under the radar injury that will really hurt the Iggles. Lurking out there somewhere over the next two months is a cataclysmic injury waiting to happen to a superstar player. Brady part deux.
9. Is Julian Edelman for real? Has it all been a flash in the pan? Good news is that he worked his magic against first teamers on the Eagles. An intriguing and frightening proposition for other teams is facing two Wes Welkers…yikes.
10. What a zero Brad Childress is. He constantly tries to big time Belichick in the press (“I stole Percy Harvin”) or on the waiver wire – but now the constant lying to his own team about Favre. Talk about a guy who has lost his clubhouse before the season even started. Look the Vikes are talented and will do some good things this year – but when push comes to shove they will be on the shoved side.
11. Coaches that will be fired by the end of the season: Jack Del Rio, Brad Childress, Lovie Smith, Dick Jauron, Jim Zorn.
12. The Tampa Bay Bucs are going to be terrible this year. Absolutely horrible. Mail it in. John Gruden will be shown to be an excellent coach holding together that stew of players they have down there. Raheim Morris (loved him in the movie Juice) is in way over his head. If I could right now, I would bet $50K on the Patriots giving whatever the line is for that London game over the Bucs. That is the lock of the century.
13. I don’t know why, but for some reason I think Matt Ryan is going to have a really outstanding offensive season. Like 4000 plus yards and 35 scores. Gonzo opens things up over the middle for Ryan and Turner cannot handle another 400 touch beating of a year. Matty Ice is locked and loaded.
14. Miami was 11-5 last year with the “wildcat” formerly known as the Wing-T. Unless they are going to reinvent the forward pass in 2009, I am guessing they will be 5-11. A classic overachieve in year 1, perform under expectations in year 2 Parcellsian masterpiece.
15. Teams that scare me: Pittsburgh – nobody is talking about them. They are loaded and loaded up with some solid rookies. San Diego – adding Merriman is the second biggest offseason acquisition after Sir Thomas. Dallas – they have serious potential for Ewing theory (homage to Bill Simmons) by losing TO. Cutting out cancer is better than trying to cure it with chemo, right?
16. I have no idea what will happen with Denver – they could go 1-15 or 15-1. Seems like a total crapshoot. I know one thing though – Jay Cutler isn’t a winner. Too many whispers about the guy. The rumors about him and Urlacher squaring off. His obvious disdain for the owner of his former franchise (Pat Bowlen). When the scouting report coming out of college reads, “rocket arm, solid instincts, but petulant” – shouldn’t a million red flags go up. Do you think the scouts had to look that word up or what?
17. Al Davis is senile. Can’t we all agree on this? I mean the guy is 80 years old going on 800. He makes draft selections that don’t make sense; he can’t hold onto a coach for more than 1 year and he wears black sweat suits with eyeglasses on a chain. He is the living breathing incarnation of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.
18. Plaxico got 2 years in the clink. Doesn’t he deserve more? Not for gun possession or evading the police, but for reaping glory for the Giants victory in Super Bowl 42. Didn’t Tyree and Manning make that happen? And Belichick for blitzing 10 guys and putting Ellis Hobbs on an island. I mean come on – he beat Ellis Hobbs and has been an icon since then. That deserves two more years in prison if you ask me.
19. My recent scientific study of the NFL revealed that 95% of the players are on HGH. This is not really a study but a complete fabricated guess. Isn’t this the truth of all truths? The only ones who get caught are the ones that mail it to themselves through the mail. All Mensa members take one step forward, not so fast Rodney Harrison. I mean Rodney is going to provide insight to us fans on Sunday Night Football as some sort of football literati. This is the same guy that got caught cheating by taking HGH. By mailing it to himself through the mail. I think I am good on tidbits from this genius. He’s a fraud. And a dope.
20. I hope Tyree gets cut and ends up working for the Post Office delivering HGH packages for current players. That is the fate that should befall the man who was a pawn in God’s game plan to show the world that cheaters need to pay a price via a karmic intervention of one sort or the other. I hate Tyree.