NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from LazarusintheSanatorium. Show LazarusintheSanatorium's posts

    NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    To ALL:

    Alright, I ain't NOT having a girlfriend Is sorta new to me...  I hate this male ego thing, but I'm not ugly or fat and I have no open head wounds; In highschool and in college (again I hate this bragging sh#t), But I DID have girlfriend after girlfriend after girlfriend...  In the latter college years and for 8 years after, I settled down and moved in with the same girl, and became well- pretty complacent (and unhappy).  WHEN this ultimately ended, roughly 5 years ago, Initially I was pretty happy not havin ANY girlfriend; Yet sheez, half a' DECADE now?  So I now gotta ask ANYone and EVERYone thesame Overall Question:


    HOW DOES ONE GET A GIRLFRIEND, Because- I believe that I've forgotten how?


    HERE's what I kinda I know...

    Foremost, The Obvious: There ARE factoors beyond my control.  A huge one, Is Regional Locale...  Living in Florida 2 seperate times and for extended periods, A guy would get women hitting on them anywhere and everywhere: Beaches, Clubs, Gas Stations...dear god, you name it.  In Ct however, there's roughly 3 or 4 single women at any given time in the entire state, NOT to mention far less places to meet these in total 3 women, AND NOT to mention I don't party any longer, So man- My odds are even further decreased exponentially.  Still however, I've been hoping to see at least 1 outta these 3 theoretical women, At my cigar shop when I'm pickin up a nice VS Padron or an aged Ashton, AND although I don't reallly want a girl that smokes cigars, It becomes the larger principle of actually SEEING 1 of the 3...sorta like seein a Unicorn.  But onwards...

    HERE'S what I sorta know...

    Now, you ALL have heard the simple age-old analogy: "Men are like dogs, Women are like Cats."  So let's take a minute to analyze this axiom:  Many of you posters know that I have a Bengal hybrid cat myself (no dogs allowed in particular complex).  Yet see, idk IF it's the wild hybrid aspect of my cat or what, BUT she does NOT act like a domestic cat...and thus, A Woman.  I sorta wish that either My hybrid acted like a Woman, BUT sadly moreso- I reallly wish that every human woman acted like my hybrid bengal...Here's Why:  My bengal differs from a domestic breed with so many of her actions:  She knows up to 20 words (tuna, chicken, outside, birdey, sit, toys, AND 4 different toy names, etc., etc.)- And she'll act accordingly; She plays fetch, She tackles me, follows me around the house, goes to the door and cries when I leave (she's pretty much a dog).  
        
         There's something about regular Domestic Breeds that as a male, or as ANY male, It becomes idk How to say this, ahh- CONFUSING (probably the best word).  Domestic cats are much more like regular women.  Using the best terms in which I won't get slammed=Domestic cats like A Woman, ARE more confusing for Most Guys:  Distant, Independant, Solitary, and even Capricious (wayward at times in personality and actions). 

         Now, DOES this mean that I'd like a girlfriend that's a kow-towing slave embedded to my every action and command...  C'mon...= No.  But really, let's not discount ALL the benefits of having a girlfriend which you pay $900 from a Breeder for, Buy a few toys for, Buy'em some Food & Throw a couple balls at every so often- AND they're YOURS for Life.  Maybe, ahh maybe this particulr paragraph should be somewhat ignored...  Anyway, taking off on the PRECEDING Paragraph's Point and moving along now...  

    HERE'S what I kinda know....

    From Past Experiences mainly:  I found out early on with my HS sweetheart and my College sweetheart (both women I fell head over heells for)- THAT merely LOVING and ADORING a Woman, for some oddity with the female species, IS NOT good enough.  WHY?  WhoTH knows WHY?  It's far more reaching than a woman does NOT want simply an adhoring male companion who'll do everything she asks on a whim....no, no, nono-noooo... 
         Idk, It's even far more reaching than a woman wanting a guy who's Independant.  See, THIS would make actual sense:  As a woman wanting a male who CAN provide for them-strong, virilent, sturdy, successful.  ALL these, to me at least, ARE underlying basic themes of nature-A male who's strong enough (in all varying ways within a human society as well)-Strong Enough- TO produce good offspring And protect both his female companion AND their offspring...  Again, these make sense.

    As usual (yet again...), I really have NO idea where I'm goin' again on this one.  Maybe it's something to the affect of: "Do I REALLY have to play this insane mating game, In oorder to get the chick...WhatTH IS the mating game, I forgot in this half a decade's time...", I mean, Does it go like THIS?:

    ~Wooh and Woww the woman with your effrontery, ego, maleness, YET ALL that independant ego suddenly thrown HER way (maybe beat up someone, idk).
    ~Spend LAVISHLY on material possessions thrown her way (here, maybe hit a pedestrian with your porsche).
    ~Express your undying OBSESSION with her and show you ARE caring (down the road after hitting the pedestrian, Steer your porsche outta the way of a squirell then stop in the state park in order to compose an ad lib love poem for her).
    ~Tell the woman to go back IN your porsche to get some beverages in the center console for your park picnic right now (SO she can find another girl's p#nties IN that center console).
    ~When she comes back INsanely mad and screaming (...and also JEALOUS), Tell her that SHE's the TRUE one that you want, and that you'll break up with the other girl.
    ~Repeat: Spending lavishly on her by stopping at a Gem Jewelry on the way back from the park, and end the nice day with a completely pointless verbal disagreement.

    ~REPEAT process until Wedding Day.


    Do I have this correct, Can someone tell me how to come across one of these three women in state, and IF I follow this guideline to keep them?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from oklahomapatriot. Show oklahomapatriot's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    get a little puppy and take it out to the park and roll around in the grass with it and wait till the honey's come over and ooh and ahh over it, then shed some tears about soem sensitve subject, and listen to them talk for a couple hours , shake your head and say i understand, look them in the eyes and smile, and they'll probably ask you out, and pay for itWink 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ricky1554atl. Show ricky1554atl's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Laz
    #1--Do you have to play this insane mating game?
          YES. YES YOU DO!
    #2--Repeat process until wedding day---after a few years---get divorced---start process all over again.
    #3--Keep cat.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from mountainmonkey. Show mountainmonkey's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    In Response to Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?:
    Laz #1--Do you have to play this insane mating game?       YES. YES YOU DO! #2--Repeat process until wedding day---after a few years---get divorced---start process all over again. #3--Keep cat.
    Posted by ricky1554atl
    That's the way it is....heavy emphasis on #3 is wise.....
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from HRK103. Show HRK103's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    spend less time here, more time with real people.... like girls.....I've been married for 27 years so I don't have a clue.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from LazarusintheSanatorium. Show LazarusintheSanatorium's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    First, GREAT stuff on here so far you guys...  Ya definately keepin' the bengal, mountain, And Kansas's post is pretty classic.  Harley and Rick, See NO WAY do I wanna get married after livin' with a girl for @ 8 years...So I'm wonderin': Do I when I DO come luckily across 1 of the 3 women in this state, Should I BEGIN the very first conversation with-
         "Alright <fill in name />, Before ya say ANYthing, You HAVE to understand that in ZERO way do I wanna get married, or even LIVE together; Although, it's certainly not because of some money issue-For I have no money...even though I'm pretty sure I have a bank account somewhere, but there's zero money it, and again I don't know exactly which bank chain even.  So again, It isn't that; It's more of a commitment phobia- No, no, not your commitment to me, Because THAT really has to be an immediate certainty in my eyes.  It's far moreso, My commitment to you.  I mean it has a little to do with the fct that I'm a clingey attachment guy, But 10 X more has to do with Me keeping my options open if a hotter & cooler girl randomly comes along...".  

    Tell me honestly now people, This is a pretty good & pretty impressive first liner, right?  Hope she plays a lil' hard ta get after that line, and I don't have to beat her advances off with a proverbial stick, ya know? 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ewhite1065. Show ewhite1065's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    I usually just leave a trail of money leading to my door.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from sportsbozo1. Show sportsbozo1's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Be careful what you ask for you might just get it.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from BubbaInHawaii. Show BubbaInHawaii's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    entertaining post Cool

    hmm,

    1) don't treat women like cats...
    2) IMHO, younger women like "bad boys", older women like to be woo'd, unless she's a cougar - in which case she will have her way with you...lol

    If all fails, i think u can mail order a girlfriend from Russia or China Tongue out
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Paul_K. Show Paul_K's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Women who like football aren't as frequent as men who like football, but at least those particular women get to pick and choose among a big pile of men.

    To increase your odds, you're going to have to schedule more away games for yourself, sometimes into places where men fear to go.  A sports bar just isn't going to maximize your chances. 

    I know a guy who, as a teen, got dragged to folk dancing by his sister.  He soon liked dancing.  What's more, he discovered that the dancing scene was full of frantic young sweaty women who laugh and smile.  He got quite good at dancing and had entire zip codes of lovers, somehow managing two or more of them in the same office or apartment at times.  Folk, swing and contra dancing isn't an expensive habit at all, although if you get hooked up with a woman that part can get pretty expensive. 



     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sam-Adams. Show Sam-Adams's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Laz, find a 40+ club or bar, keep taking them home until you find one with a good looking single daughter.

    This way you stay busy on your search 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Philskiw. Show Philskiw's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Wait till her sister gets killed by that house.  then the funs over.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from jimijazz. Show jimijazz's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    I don't know, maybe you should talk with Rick Pitino
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from CablesWyndBairn. Show CablesWyndBairn's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    I've been in a relationship too long to offer any good advice.  Haven't had to chat up a person of the opposite sex in a decade, at least not in the search for love.  I do know that sometimes women, like most men, like a challenge and as soon as they think you're all theirs for the taking they sometimes lose interest.  In my experience, feigning disinterest or playing hard to get makes you only that much more irresistable.  So when you find her at the bar, church, library, on-line, at the grocery store or what have you, take it slooowwww. 

    If all of our advice fails, just look to these cutsie little ads that Boston.com has provided for our convenience:


     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from 49Patriots. Show 49Patriots's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    1.) Don't get born ugly. Women don't like that.
    1b.) If God hates you and made you 1, learn to be funny. 
    2.) Work out and get stronger. Women like men who can protect them.
    3.) Make a lot of money. 


    Number 3 is the most important (see Tiger Woods). If you're rich you can have any woman you want even if you're ugly, fat, lazy, weak, weird or Underdog. Yes, money buys happiness. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from HRK103. Show HRK103's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

     
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  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sam-Adams. Show Sam-Adams's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    In Response to Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?:

    Posted by HRK103


    I can't figure out who's getting the club?
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ATJ. Show ATJ's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Let me get this straight - you're looking for advice on women in a NE Patriots chat/blog/post/stay-stupid-sh*t forum??

    As the engineer who's beheading was delayed by a faulty guillotine said:  "I think I see your problem."

     
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  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from MarcW1. Show MarcW1's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Laz,  As pathetic as this sounds...  I would suggest creating a profile on a dating website.  You can see pictures, read about their likes and dislikes, and quickly narrow down who you might have an interest.  Since they too have a profile, one would assume that they are single and looking for romance.  Since you have stated that you "Are not fat, ugly and have no open head wounds" you should have some luck.  Withing a matter of minutes you will find a beautiful Patriot loving footbll fan who also adores cats.  Send her a few witty emails recognizing her inner beauty & intelligence and she'll be your in weeks.

    Note:  Dump the fist women 1 month later as their are many more women looking to be romanced.  For the months of September thru February, date the woman who has season tickets to the Pats.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from CablesWyndBairn. Show CablesWyndBairn's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?



    "Or...if you prefer the quicker, trasshier technique, get to a hotel bar in a suit and hang around while drinking high end booze like you are on a business trip."

    As someone who used to travel a lot for work before I was attached, this is a good ploy.  But I've also found that some of the women that are attracted to suits lounging in the bar drinking Laphroaig are oftentimes looking to be paid for their company, which is flat out disgusting.   Frown
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from tommythetulip. Show tommythetulip's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Gotta GTL before you go creep, or you'll end up smushin' a grenade.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from themightypatriotz. Show themightypatriotz's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    Play more video games.  Lots and lots of video games.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from TheFantasyBaron. Show TheFantasyBaron's posts

    Re: NON-Football Thread for ALL: How DOES One Get a Woman, I forgot how?

    You need to drink lots of alcohol and hang around places where women are also getting intoxicated. Every hook up I ever had was drunk off my behind. Don't worry about why it works it just does.

    Start crying and start drinking. You might end up with a phone number tonight.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/alcohol-can-boost-womens-sex-drive-1425970.html
    "Relatively small amounts of alcohol can cause a temporary surge of the male sex hormone testosterone in women, boosting their libido."

    "The findings, published in Nature, show the effect is most marked in women taking the contraceptive pill, probably because they have low background levels of testosterone to begin with.Dr Peter Eriksson, a researcher with Alko, the state alcohol company in Finland, said women need not be alarmed. Although a couple of drinks is enough to cause 'dramatic' rises in testosterone, women can still remain in control, he said. 'Many of them instinctively know alcohol can do this and so they learn to be careful.'

    Get out there, get drunk and start hitting on all the women in all the cliques you're familiar with. I got more play than a toilet seat when I was a college drunk.
     
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