posted at 11/29/2011 4:51 PM EST
…went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.
posted at 11/30/2011 3:03 PM EST
I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "No one drag is enough."
posted at 11/30/2011 4:53 PM EST
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
posted at 11/30/2011 6:26 PM EST
Tell a friend to spell santa
then say "you forgot the f"
they say there's no f in santa
you start to cry
posted at 12/5/2011 1:39 PM EST
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
posted at 12/6/2011 10:42 AM EST
Boy, is my wife stupid! It takes her an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughter's no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
posted at 12/7/2011 12:26 PM EST
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
posted at 12/8/2011 3:49 PM EST
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
posted at 12/9/2011 3:39 PM EST
My wife isn’t very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, “Did you see the guy that did it?” She said, “No, but I got the license plate.”
posted at 12/12/2011 2:28 PM EST
Once when I was lost and I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we’ll ever find them?" He said, "I don’t know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
posted at 12/15/2011 11:31 AM EST
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn't met me yet.
posted at 12/21/2011 1:41 PM EST
I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps… from moving cars.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
posted at 12/27/2011 2:45 PM EST
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
posted at 12/27/2011 3:01 PM EST
Went to see my shrink and told him I keep having the same dream: I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. Teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam.
Shrink said, "Think we found the problem. You're two tents."
posted at 12/27/2011 4:23 PM EST
posted at 12/27/2011 4:24 PM EST
Remember Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag?
"Uncy Moe? My fries are too hot."
"Yeah, well that's just too damn bad."
posted at 1/5/2012 11:39 AM EST
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
posted at 1/5/2012 12:59 PM EST
i had a feeling this topic would be around all season when i saw it in the preseason lol
posted at 1/5/2012 2:36 PM EST
If you post about nothing, does it actually count as a post?
posted at 1/5/2012 3:34 PM EST
In Response to Re: Nothing
[QUOTE]i had a feeling this topic would be around all season when i saw it in the preseason lol
Posted by flutie66[/QUOTE]
I cannot believe it is still going. How about nothing...what the Jets will be doing in the post season.