2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

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    2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    When does MLB officially start?  Opening Day? Truck Day?  Wrong and wrong!

    The official start is when notin releases his annual season Baseball Predictions.  And for being such good boys and girls, this year, I am including 10% more bias than usual AT NO EXTRA COST!

    After last season's debacle I do feel the need to add the disclaimer that these predictions are for entertainment only.  Do not go out and place bets in Vegas on my word.  These are all very, very likely to be wrong.  Go back and look at last year's and see how bad I am at this.  (Although, if you do look - Ryan Braun as NL MVP, Jeremy Hellickson as AL ROY.  Hmmmm.  Vegas?)

    Anyway, the fine folks here at Notin, Inc. have worked day and night to show you just how bad they are at predictiing the future.  And the past.  Seriously, these people have problems.  Anyway, now that I have gone into a record-breaking intro and undoutedly built them up waaaaaaaay beyond what they are worth, I give you the 2012 MLB Season, upfront, up close and up y...rs...

    AL East

    1.    1. Yankees – So the Yankees plan to reduce payroll and control free agent spending involved hiring Jim Hendry?  That’s like bringing on Lindsey Lohan to be the Designated Driver.

    2.    2. Rays – In an effort to double lagging attendance, the Rays adopt a new policy to charge admission to visiting teams, their own bullpen and any Rays’ players not in the starting lineup.

    3.    3. Red Sox – In the past, I’ve had them first or second and they kept coming in third.  So I’m going to try to jinx them back into the post-season.

    4.    4. Blue Jays – Jays’ fans hope for a resurgence of Colby Rasmus.  This won’t happen unless the mysterious center field “man in white” is revealed to be his dad.

    5.    5. Orioles – Dan Duquette starts his tenure in Baltimore by signing Wei-Yin Chan and Tsuyoshi Wada.  This was only after negotiations failed with Jin Ho Cho, Tomo Ohka and Nintendo RBI Super-Ace Robinson Checo.

    AL Central

    1.    1. Tigers -  At some point in 2013, the Tigers will discover that replacing Brandon Inge’s glove at 3B with that of Miguel Cabrera is like replacing your microwave with an Easy Bake Oven.

    2.    2. Indians – After Faux-sto Carmona debacle, the Tribe managements starts investigation whether or not Matt LaPorta is his real name.  Futher research shows his .247 / .299 / .412 batting line positively identifies him as Brian Daubach.

    3.    3. Royals – Fans get less impressed by the high strikeout rate of Tiny Tim Collins when they realize that he is not actually small, but is simply just very far away.

    4.    4. Twins – We all knew they weren’t as bad as last year, but only Kenny Williams did anything about their finish in the cellar.

    5.    5. White Sox – I guess we know from whom Kyle Williams inherited that ability to drop the ball.

    AL West

    1.    1. Angels – By May, Vernon Wells abandons plans of hitting his weight and aims for more realistic goal of hitting his shoe size.

    2.    2. Mariners – The deal of Michael Pineda highlights their “Anyone Can Pitch in Safeco” philosophy.  Bringing in Kevin Millwood shows how far they will go to prove it.

    3.    3. Rangers – The Rangers made a big splash this offseason by signing Japanese import Yu Darvish, whose name leads to a series of bad internet jokes that all end with the soon-to-be-tiresome punchline “Did you just call me a Darvish?”

    4.    4. A’s – Pitching and defense wins championships.  Or is the backbone of last place teams.  Or anywhere in between, really.

    NL East

    1.    1. Phillies – Ryan Howard and Placido Polanco begin the season on the Disabled List, where they sit awaiting the annual arrival of Chase Utley. 

    2.    2. Nationals – Jayson Werth vows to bounce back from his dismal 2011 and live up to his contract.  In a related story, the moon vows to outshine the sun.

    3.    3. Braves – The rotation features many new young future stars, but will hopefully never be dubbed as being “Beachy Keen.”

    4.    4. Marlins – Much like Tommy John, Carlos Zambrano is made famous by having a new surgery named after him.  The procedure for CZ surgery involves having one’s head physically removed from one’s rectum.

    5.    5. Mets – After much deep exhaustive baseball research into current news, MLB  regulations, rules, and historical archives, it turns out that yes, the Mets are still technically an actual baseball team.

    NL Central

    1.    1. Reds – Two years ago, Orlando Cabrera.  Last year, Edgar Renteria.  Julio Lugo anxiously waits by his phone.

    2.    2. Brewers – If Nyjer Morgan had been the Brewers OF to test positive, would alter ego Tony Plush be allowed to play those 50 games? 

    3.    3. Pirates – Why?  Why not, I say?  (And you would not believe how long it took to come up with that.)

    4.    4. Cardinals – At the last minute, the Cardinals bail out on Roy Oswalt, realizing from his demands and wishy-washiness that he is a prime candidate for CZ surgery.

    5.    5. Cubs – Epstein starts rebuilding process, knowing full well Mayan apocalypse predictions cannot be fulfilled without the Cubs finally winning.

    6.    6. Astros – Jumbotron features new disclaimer “Obejcts on Screen are Crappier Than They Appear.”

    NL West

    1.    1. Diamondbacks – Gerardo Parra wins a Gold Glove and is relegated to bench duty in favor of defensive klutz Jason Kubel.  Teammates take note of the clear message – good defense will not be tolerated.

    2.    2. Rockies – How could they break up the college backup QBs for the Manning brothers?  That is so annoying.  Have they no fondness for irrelevant trivia?

    3.    3. Giants – The desperate search for offense lead them to Melky Cabrera and Angel Pagan, a pair of switch-hitting outfielders with one good season each at the plate in their careers.   Was the cost of dealing for Reggie Willits too high?

    4.    4. Dodgers – If you take Kemp and Kershaw off this team, they would still be better than the ‘61 Mets.  Although to be fair, a lot of those guys are in their 70’s now.

    5.    5. Padres – This team will get fewer hits than website for the Casey Anthony Fan Club.  Too soon?  OK, how about “this team will score less often than a frat boy in a convent”?  Too stupid?  OK, let’s try “this team will be less of an offensive force than Yo Gabba Gabba Live.”  You get the idea.

    AL Wild Card – Tampa

    NL Wild Card – Colorado

    AL Champion – Tigers

    NL Champion – Reds

    WS Champion – Tigers

     

    Awards – As always, Red Sox players are ineligible for reasons related to extreme bias

    AL MVP –  Jose Bautista, Blue Jays

    NL MVP – Justin Upton, Diamondbacks

    AL Cy Young – Dan Haren, Angels

    NL Cy Young – Matt Cain, Giants

    AL ROY – Addison Reed, White Sox

    NL ROY – Devin Mesoraco, Reds

    Score along at home if you like, but if you lose money betting like this, we are not responsible.

    We are responsible for winning bets, and all rewards can be properly negotiated...

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from BurritoT. Show BurritoT's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Wow I have to give you credit here - very good.  I know you will sleep better have gained my approval.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from jesseyeric. Show jesseyeric's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    And this is why you are constantly in the top 3 year end posters of the year. Well done.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from TheExaminer. Show TheExaminer's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    If you're gonna put the Reds in the WS, at least let them win! They're my NL team.....Dad is a Reds fan, I was too growing up, and still am to a large extent.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from WesternOregon. Show WesternOregon's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Are you serious? Referring to yourself by your screen name?
    Now that's funny (pathetic spelling) and bordering on self-importance.


     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from hankwilliamsjr. Show hankwilliamsjr's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    3. Red Sox – In the past, I’ve had them first or second and they kept coming in third.  So I’m going to try to jinx them back into the post-season.

    I actually would like to see them flounder into the summer, so they can start sellling off some of the bad contracts and bad contract seekers. Given the half a billion dollar payroll of Inepstein's futility over the past 3 years, their is still a ton of prima donna talent on this team. Thus, it is capable of a playoff spot, though a minor miracle will be needed for any kind of post season success. Much better to blow up InEpstein's work, after Luchino allowed him to ruin what Luchino and Duquette had put in place. Retain the few good parts, and plan on an accountable and fundamentally sound group of players with plenty of talent for the 2013 to 2014 season. 

    Putting Wastefiled and Varitek in a landfill has started the process, but a lot of old baggage needs to be shipped out before a team with strong character can emerge.  
     
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  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from legion12941. Show legion12941's posts

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    In Response to 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way:

    3. Red Sox – In the past, I’ve had them first or second and they kept coming in third.  So I’m going to try to jinx them back into the post-season.
    Posted by notin


    So we'll know who to blame if the Red Sox finish 4th this year, huh?

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kimsaysthis. Show kimsaysthis's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Although I don't know some of those teams, I still laughed. Very creative. Well done.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Hfxsoxnut. Show Hfxsoxnut's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Good, funny stuff. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from parhunter1. Show parhunter1's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Excellent read, notin.

    Hey, are you going to upgrade to the new Moe, now that there is a new Three Stooges movie coming out?
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThefourBs. Show ThefourBs's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Great job, Notin.  Very funny!!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Alibiike. Show Alibiike's posts

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    In Response to Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way:
    And this is why you are constantly in the top 3 year end posters of the year. Well done.
    Posted by jesseyeric


    Bootlicking prohibited!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Alibiike. Show Alibiike's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Look good until you get to the ALW. Rangers 3rd?
    The NLE will see the Marlins taking that flag just ahead of the Braves with the Phillies finishing 3rd.
    The NLC is a crap-shoot. The brewers without Fielder and Braun for 50 games will finish 4th, and the Cubs will be 3rd. I agree that the Reds take it ahead of the Cards.
    The NLW will be a shoot-out between LA and AZ with LA prevailing in a one game playoff.

    AL pennant - Detroit
    NL Pennant - FL (now that they have the gay vote, that will give them the edge)
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from attic-dan. Show attic-dan's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

        Just a little nit-picking here. The Mets didn't start playing until '62.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from notin. Show notin's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    In Response to Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way:
    Are you serious? Referring to yourself by your screen name? Now that's funny (pathetic spelling) and bordering on self-importance.
    Posted by WesternOregon


    It's just some silliness.

    I think someone needs to remember those timeless words from Sgt. Hulka - "Lighten up, Francis."
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from notin. Show notin's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    In Response to Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way:
    Look good until you get to the ALW. Rangers 3rd? The NLE will see the Marlins taking that flag just ahead of the Braves with the Phillies finishing 3rd. The NLC is a crap-shoot. The brewers without Fielder and Braun for 50 games will finish 4th, and the Cubs will be 3rd. I agree that the Reds take it ahead of the Cards. The NLW will be a shoot-out between LA and AZ with LA prevailing in a one game playoff. AL pennant - Detroit NL Pennant - FL (now that they have the gay vote, that will give them the edge)
    Posted by Alibiike


    MLB is really much tougher to predict than many sports, and while either of us could be right, and these picks are more made to make jokes at the expense of all of the clubs than anything else, I suppose I could try and defend them.

    The Rangers could be anywhere from first to third in that division.  The offense can be deadly when it is on, but Hamilton has shown himself to be a part time player among his problems and fragile nature.  Nelson Cruz is also pretty fragile; the guy goes on the DL when he gets soapsuds in his eye.. I don’t like their pitching staff as much as most, and wonder if Holland and Harrison can repeat, and what Darvish will be, and how feliz translates as a starter, and how that bullpen will hold up especially Joe Nathan.

    The entire NL East is tough, except the Mets.  I actually like Washington better than Florida.  I find the faith the Red sox fans have in the Braves a little hypocritical.  Sox fans think the Sox are in trouble after a historic collapse and a lack of activity this off-season, especially when compared to their division.  The Braves collapsed just as badly, and been less active in a division that has seen much, much more off-season activity than the AL East, yet somehow the Braves are fine.

    The NL Central looks like the Reds’ division to lose, despite the lack of faith in the Brewers and the possible excess of faith in the Cubs and Cards (who are without Pujols right now).  But the one team you believe in that confuses me is the Dodgers.  After Kershaw, the starting pitching is weak.  Billingsley has not lived up to his 2008 hype,  Lilly is stable, but unspectacular.  Capuano is a joke, and Harang will gte by on his “pitcher park” stats, but that won’t make him a better pitcher even though it makes him look like one. Their bullpen is full of undefined roles.  Is Javy Guerra closing?  Can Kenley Jansen throw a strike someday?  How good are Bellisario and Troncoso and Elbert?  We know Grabow is awful.  After Kemp, their lineup is complete mush.  Ethier can hit, but who else?  This offense finished in the bottom four in all of MLB last year, and have done absolutely nothing about it except lose Jamey Carroll in favor of Mark Ellis.  I’ll take the Rockies SP depth and the Giants as better overall teams, all behind Arizona, of course.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from georom4. Show georom4's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Notin I give you credit for even caring about anyone outside of our division....The Red Sox look like they might have a hard time competing against the elite AL teams.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from craze4sox. Show craze4sox's posts

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    In Response to 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way:
    When does MLB officially start?  Opening Day? Truck Day?  Wrong and wrong! The official start is when notin releases his annual season Baseball Predictions.  And for being such good boys and girls, this year, I am including 10% more bias than usual AT NO EXTRA COST! After last season's debacle I do feel the need to add the disclaimer that these predictions are for entertainment only.  Do not go out and place bets in Vegas on my word.  These are all very, very likely to be wrong.  Go back and look at last year's and see how bad I am at this.  (Although, if you do look - Ryan Braun as NL MVP, Jeremy Hellickson as AL ROY.  Hmmmm.  Vegas?) Anyway, the fine folks here at Notin, Inc. have worked day and night to show you just how bad they are at predictiing the future.  And the past.  Seriously, these people have problems.  Anyway, now that I have gone into a record-breaking intro and undoutedly built them up waaaaaaaay beyond what they are worth, I give you the 2012 MLB Season, upfront, up close and up y...rs... AL East 1.     1. Yankees – So the Yankees plan to reduce payroll and control free agent spending involved hiring Jim Hendry?  That’s like bringing on Lindsey Lohan to be the Designated Driver. 2.     2. Rays – In an effort to double lagging attendance, the Rays adopt a new policy to charge admission to visiting teams, their own bullpen and any Rays’ players not in the starting lineup. 3.     3. Red Sox – In the past, I’ve had them first or second and they kept coming in third.  So I’m going to try to jinx them back into the post-season. 4.     4. Blue Jays – Jays’ fans hope for a resurgence of Colby Rasmus.  This won’t happen unless the mysterious center field “man in white” is revealed to be his dad. 5.     5. Orioles – Dan Duquette starts his tenure in Baltimore by signing Wei-Yin Chan and Tsuyoshi Wada.  This was only after negotiations failed with Jin Ho Cho, Tomo Ohka and Nintendo RBI Super-Ace Robinson Checo. AL Central 1.     1. Tigers -  At some point in 2013, the Tigers will discover that replacing Brandon Inge’s glove at 3B with that of Miguel Cabrera is like replacing your microwave with an Easy Bake Oven. 2.     2. Indians – After Faux-sto Carmona debacle, the Tribe managements starts investigation whether or not Matt LaPorta is his real name.  Futher research shows his .247 / .299 / .412 batting line positively identifies him as Brian Daubach. 3.     3. Royals – Fans get less impressed by the high strikeout rate of Tiny Tim Collins when they realize that he is not actually small, but is simply just very far away. 4.     4. Twins – We all knew they weren’t as bad as last year, but only Kenny Williams did anything about their finish in the cellar. 5.     5. White Sox – I guess we know from whom Kyle Williams inherited that ability to drop the ball. AL West 1.     1. Angels – By May, Vernon Wells abandons plans of hitting his weight and aims for more realistic goal of hitting his shoe size. 2.     2. Mariners – The deal of Michael Pineda highlights their “Anyone Can Pitch in Safeco” philosophy.  Bringing in Kevin Millwood shows how far they will go to prove it. 3.     3. Rangers – The Rangers made a big splash this offseason by signing Japanese import Yu Darvish, whose name leads to a series of bad internet jokes that all end with the soon-to-be-tiresome punchline “Did you just call me a Darvish?” 4.     4. A’s – Pitching and defense wins championships.  Or is the backbone of last place teams.  Or anywhere in between, really. NL East 1.     1. Phillies – Ryan Howard and Placido Polanco begin the season on the Disabled List, where they sit awaiting the annual arrival of Chase Utley.  2.     2. Nationals – Jayson Werth vows to bounce back from his dismal 2011 and live up to his contract.  In a related story, the moon vows to outshine the sun. 3.     3. Braves – The rotation features many new young future stars, but will hopefully never be dubbed as being “Beachy Keen.” 4.     4. Marlins – Much like Tommy John, Carlos Zambrano is made famous by having a new surgery named after him.  The procedure for CZ surgery involves having one’s head physically removed from one’s rectum. 5.     5. Mets – After much deep exhaustive baseball research into current news, MLB  regulations, rules, and historical archives, it turns out that yes, the Mets are still technically an actual baseball team. NL Central 1.     1. Reds – Two years ago, Orlando Cabrera.  Last year, Edgar Renteria.  Julio Lugo anxiously waits by his phone. 2.     2. Brewers – If Nyjer Morgan had been the Brewers OF to test positive, would alter ego Tony Plush be allowed to play those 50 games?  3.     3. Pirates – Why?  Why not, I say?  (And you would not believe how long it took to come up with that.) 4.     4. Cardinals – At the last minute, the Cardinals bail out on Roy Oswalt, realizing from his demands and wishy-washiness that he is a prime candidate for CZ surgery. 5.     5. Cubs – Epstein starts rebuilding process, knowing full well Mayan apocalypse predictions cannot be fulfilled without the Cubs finally winning. 6.     6. Astros – Jumbotron features new disclaimer “Obejcts on Screen are Crappier Than They Appear.” NL West 1.     1. Diamondbacks – Gerardo Parra wins a Gold Glove and is relegated to bench duty in favor of defensive klutz Jason Kubel.  Teammates take note of the clear message – good defense will not be tolerated. 2.     2. Rockies – How could they break up the college backup QBs for the Manning brothers?  That is so annoying.  Have they no fondness for irrelevant trivia? 3.     3. Giants – The desperate search for offense lead them to Melky Cabrera and Angel Pagan, a pair of switch-hitting outfielders with one good season each at the plate in their careers.   Was the cost of dealing for Reggie Willits too high? 4.     4. Dodgers – If you take Kemp and Kershaw off this team, they would still be better than the ‘61 Mets.  Although to be fair, a lot of those guys are in their 70’s now. 5.     5. Padres – This team will get fewer hits than website for the Casey Anthony Fan Club.  Too soon?  OK, how about “this team will score less often than a frat boy in a convent”?  Too stupid?  OK, let’s try “this team will be less of an offensive force than Yo Gabba Gabba Live.”  You get the idea. AL Wild Card – Tampa NL Wild Card – Colorado AL Champion – Tigers NL Champion – Reds WS Champion – Tigers   Awards – As always, Red Sox players are ineligible for reasons related to extreme bias AL MVP –  Jose Bautista, Blue Jays NL MVP – Justin Upton, Diamondbacks AL Cy Young – Dan Haren, Angels NL Cy Young – Matt Cain, Giants AL ROY – Addison Reed, White Sox NL ROY – Devin Mesoraco, Reds Score along at home if you like, but if you lose money betting like this, we are not responsible. We are responsible for winning bets, and all rewards can be properly negotiated...
    Posted by notin


    Good funny read notin, hoping to jinx the Sox back into the top position is a good plan.  I personally feel "Mr Beckett" will be the one to watch, along with the entire staff again.  We signed a lot of arms but any good ones to round out the rotation?  Nope, or as good or better replacements for Pap or Bard?  Probably not.  2012 could either be the year Becketts anger/self denial boots him out of Boston, or he surprises us by focusing on the task in hand without Tek to hold his hand.

    I'm not as worried about the offense as I am the staff falling apart again but as always I'm hoping for the best.  I think a Garza type trade may have put us closer to where we need to be in the end.  Maybe Dice can give us a lift before we need to suffer over Lackey again next season. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Funny stuff; especially the White Sox jab, the CZ surgery and the Mets 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from notin. Show notin's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    In Response to Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way:
    Excellent read, notin. Hey, are you going to upgrade to the new Moe, now that there is a new Three Stooges movie coming out?
    Posted by parhunter1


    Zero chance of a Chris Diamontopolus avatar ever seeing my profile.  I'd sooner use Paul Ben-Victor from the 2000 movie...
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from UticaClub. Show UticaClub's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Excellent and humorous OP Notin.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from summerof67. Show summerof67's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    Kudos, notin. Solid piece.

    For anyone who doubts the Rays could win the WS, please refer to those older Dodger teams from the early 60s - esp. the '65 and '66 vintages.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from attic-dan. Show attic-dan's posts

    Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way

    In Response to Re: 2012 MLB Preditcions - the Notin Way:
    Kudos, notin. Solid piece. For anyone who doubts the Rays could win the WS, please refer to those older Dodger teams from the early 60s - esp. the '65 and '66 vintages.
    Posted by summerof67


      What happened in '65, AND '66 has no bearing on today. Two completly different era's. In '65 the Dodgers had a nine man staff and between Koufax, Drysdale, and Sutton they made 123 of 162 starts. In '66  the three mentioned plus Sutton started 154 of 162, they basically went the season with an eight man staff. In this day and age of 5 man rotations and 12 and 13 pitching staffs, plus teams shuttleing pitchers to and from the minors. It is harder to dominate with pitching only, offense has to be a part in modern day baseball.
     
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