The river of tears deluging Boston sports talk/chat by inconsolable Titoites has reached lamentable and epic proportions. The tsunami of whining heard by EEI callers reached record levels today when enraged Conaheads demanded full statements of apologies and/or support for the sacked ex-manager by all current/former players. Apparently the news that Francona himself quit after admitting he lost control of his own players has either not seeped in or been misunderstood by this devastated group of Boston Red Sox fans.
In the history of managerial changes, there has been almost no precedent of any player issuing a personal statement countering a decision by his team to terminate a former employee. Undeterred nonetheless, this snubbing of Tito is further proof to many of a grand conspiracy to replace Francona with a leader that will promote such despicable practices as staying in shape, playing small ball, hitting the cut-off man, not throwing old men to the ground, running the bases hard, and drinking beer only when the game is over.
Francona followers who frequent BDC have gathered every night outside of Fenway Park since the resignation holding lit candles and reciting baseball.com references while clutching their rosaries adorned with images of Francona’s bald head. A man who identified himself as Roy seethed in barely controlled fury explaining his feelings of anger now that someone named Andre-Mitch had bested him. Another Franconaphile, who called himself Harness, said he would refuse to acknowledge any information regarding Francona’s performance as manager that did not acknowledge that he was in fact a baseball wizard and therefore immortal and infallible. Refusing to speak on the record was a man in the shadows who was busy compiling a list of enemies - however sources later told us his name is either Kim or Pike, and that he uses many aliases and knows where we live. Another man, simply named Moon - spoke in catatonic cadence, able to mouth only the sounds SEE Ra.
Some in Red Sox chat community however are not so demoralized. The Red Sox front office today received a package from a concerned fan, Bosox1941, suggesting the successor to Francona. When the long envelope was opened, a photograph of famous Hollywood chimp J. Fred Muggs with the words, “I’m ready” was revealed. Another fan who refused to be identified by the Herald stated that the managerial change was caused by “The Big O.” When asked to elaborate, he referred us to his "Dad". A more reasoned opinion was offered by Lloyd Dobler who stated that he loved Francona and would miss him but, “London Calling is still the greatest fukking album of all time!” There were a few others who wanted to get on record on Francona’s dismissal but were devoured by a giant flame breathing reptile. Even babies were represented at the watering hole for jilted Sox fanatics. "Babyspace loves the all things Red Sox" said her beaming father, wearing a Bill Lee jersey. Babyspace was attired in a cute authentic non-pink Sox hat. He claimed her first words were, "I hate Don Zimmer."
Regardless of all the mental anguish caused by this beloved icon’s firing (shhh don’t tell them that) baseball would carry on in Beantown. A poster identified as Georom4 reminded all Sox fans that there is no crying in baseball. “The players are all richer than us and they will never have to make ends meet by selling sausage grinders in the summertime to pay the bills - like I thought Pedroia was going to have to do”. “In the end…” said admitted Yankee fan Jessyeric, “The baseball you make is equal to the bunts you lay”