Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brickbat. Show Brickbat's posts

    Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    Red Sox outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury could be out two-to six weeks after picking up a pencil in his home in Fort Myers, Florida.
     
    Ellsbury is said to have hurt his throwing shoulder when he dropped and then reached for the writing implement in order to work on a crossword puzzle in last week's edition of Weekly Reader.
     
    Red Sox officials were said to be frustrated as "management has told him repeatedly that in order to avoid further injury he should do nothing but sit in a chair." The organization has hired a full-time assistant to help the player do things like "eat, turn pages in comic books, and change channels with his remote control".
     
    The injury is said to have occurred when the assistant was "defecating in another room", leaving the player unsupervised.  The collective bargaining agreement between the players' union and ownership provides that all major league players receive subscriptions to Weekly Reader as a way "to keep them as mentally agile as they are able to be", which is defined in the agreement as "reading and comprehending the world on a fourth grade level." Certain players have been exempted from the requirement for the duration of their careers, such as Manny Ramirez, Darryl Strawberry and Graig Nettles.
     
    Initial indications were that the center fielder's injury was "one of those twinges that pretty much everyone gets that goes away after, like, five seconds" but it has lingered. Ellsbury's agent, Scott Boras, told reporters "nobody wants to get back on the field more than Jacoby. Why just last week he burned the roof of his mouth eating pizza but played through the pain the next day." He called the player "a fighter" and denied reports that Ellsbury had actually been picking up a pen, saying "This is not a player who engages in risky behavior."
     
    Red Sox medical staff were unavailable for comment as they were participating in a clown convention in St. Petersburg.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Hfxsoxnut. Show Hfxsoxnut's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    To make matters worse, the new Red Sox med staff has stated that they will follow the previous staff's policy: 'We don't MRI bruises'.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from mef429. Show mef429's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    LMAO that's pretty funny.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ampoule. Show ampoule's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

     

    LOL!!!!

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from mef429. Show mef429's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    why just the other day he burned the roof of his mouth eating pizza and he played through the pain, LOL!!

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from redsoxdirtdog. Show redsoxdirtdog's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to Brickbat's comment:

    Red Sox outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury could be out two-to six weeks after picking up a pencil in his home in Fort Myers, Florida.   Ellsbury is said to have hurt his throwing shoulder when he dropped and then reached for the writing implement in order to work on a crossword puzzle in last week's edition of Weekly Reader.   Red Sox officials were said to be frustrated as "management has told him repeatedly that in order to avoid further injury he should do nothing but sit in a chair." The organization has hired a full-time assistant to help the player do things like "eat, turn pages in comic books, and change channels with his remote control".   The injury is said to have occurred when the assistant was "defecating in another room", leaving the player unsupervised.  The collective bargaining agreement between the players' union and ownership provides that all major league players receive subscriptions to Weekly Reader as a way "to keep them as mentally agile as they are able to be", which is defined in the agreement as "reading and comprehending the world on a fourth grade level." Certain players have been exempted from the requirement for the duration of their careers, such as Manny Ramirez, Darryl Strawberry and Graig Nettles.   Initial indications were that the center fielder's injury was "one of those twinges that pretty much everyone gets that goes away after, like, five seconds" but it has lingered. Ellsbury's agent, Scott Boras, told reporters "nobody wants to get back on the field more than Jacoby. Why just last week he burned the roof of his mouth eating pizza but played through the pain the next day." He called the player "a fighter" and denied reports that Ellsbury had actually been picking up a pen, saying "This is not a player who engages in risky behavior."   Red Sox medical staff were unavailable for comment as they were participating in a clown convention in St. Petersburg.




    Not funny!  My heart skipped a beat!

     

    It was pretty well written, and I got a laugh :)

    Ells will get back to All-Star status this year!  BIG YEAR!  No injuries to speak of. 

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from dgalehouse. Show dgalehouse's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    Had to check the calendar. Thought it was April 1.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from redsoxdirtdog. Show redsoxdirtdog's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to mef429's comment:

    why just the other day he burned the roof of his mouth eating pizza and he played through the pain, LOL!!




    That was a good one!  LOL

    The guy writes like a sports writer

     
  9. This post has been removed.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from mef429. Show mef429's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to UnionFallsNY's comment:

    All of these responses within seven short minutes of reading a lengthy post. Amazing. Great coordination guys. Strong fraternity.



    i thought for sure you'd ask "why the deception"?

     
  11. This post has been removed.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from mef429. Show mef429's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to UnionFallsNY's comment:

    This is why the forum is dying.



    you do such a great job of helping keep it alive......

    JK. in case you missed my sarcasm.

     
  13. This post has been removed.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from mef429. Show mef429's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to UnionFallsNY's comment:

    Why weren't you watching your Orangemen?

    4 am to midnite, how do you do it or is it Mike and Joey on shifts.



    i don't like basketball. It's cool to have a big name college sports team in my backyard but i don't like the sport itself. I enjoy going to the dome but other than that you won't catch me watching a basketball game.

    and it's noon to 4AM.... you have it backwards.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from redsoxdirtdog. Show redsoxdirtdog's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to UnionFallsNY's comment:

    All of these responses within seven short minutes of reading a lengthy post. Amazing. Great coordination guys. Strong fraternity.




    You're tilting at windmills again Quixote...

    You really need to get a grip.  Humor now means you're a part of a grand conspiracy???  Conspiracy to do what exactly??  Enjoy the Red Sox, and occasionally have a laugh? 

    you seriously need to relax just a tad.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from carnie. Show carnie's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to UnionFallsNY's comment:

    Why weren't you watching your Orangemen?

    4 am to midnite, how do you do it or is it Mike and Joey on shifts.




    pike is back on his soapbox and life has returned to normal.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brickbat. Show Brickbat's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    Geez...glad some of you guys enjoyed it, and thanks for saying so. But how did the comments about an obvious spoof turn into more infighting?

     

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Hfxsoxnut. Show Hfxsoxnut's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to Brickbat's comment:

    Geez...glad some of you guys enjoyed it, and thanks for saying so. But how did the comments about an obvious spoof turn into more infighting?



    Pike.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Bill-806. Show Bill-806's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

      B O R A $ $    !!!   and that is a  B I N G O  !!!

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from ThefourBs. Show ThefourBs's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    Thanks for the laugh this morning, Brickbat!

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from carnie. Show carnie's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    It was a funny OP. Thanks for that.

     
  22. This post has been removed.

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from redsoxdirtdog. Show redsoxdirtdog's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to UnionFallsNY's comment:

     

    The OP was well written and clever but was redundant since many in the forum have made it a habit to attack the character of the players on their team and especially Ellsbury.  The forum was loaded with many who were sure that JD Drew had a terrible attitude and didn't care. Youk's character was questioned when he went onto the DL as was Papi's. "Red Sox" fans enjoy coming here and doing character assasination on THEIR ballplayers  and figure that it is all part of the acceptable game here. What is NEVER acceptable to them however is to attack the character of fellow regular posters. That is VERBOTEN. Sounds like hypocrisy to me. 

    The Golden Rule applies to fellow posters but doesn't apply towards the players. They are fair game and no facts, logic, or reason  are necessary. It's all such great fun to belittle the character of the players that you root for while you spend $100 to wear player X's sweatshirt out in public. I can just see JackBU wearing a Papi sweatshirt while he types away insults into the forum. All under the banner of "having fun" here. Why not ditch the Papi shirt and wear a Softlaw shirt?

     




    IDK Pike???  Seems to me, there is one obvious distinction, and it is in fact a huge difference.  There are the Softy / Stiffys who do exactly as you say.  They relentlessly bash Red Sox players, the FO, ownership, the RS fans, and Boston in general.  These guys are very easy to spot, and it's actually sort of fun tweaking them.  No worries!  We're all big boys here, or at least we used to be.  Then there are the majority, who LOVE the Red Sox with an undying passion.  We're not affraid to bang on a player or two when warranted.  We get frustrated with someone who we feel is bringing down OUR TEAM (not theirs).  You see, we correctly realize that the Red Sox have always been OUR TEAM, for decades before most of these guys were even born.  We still root with a burning passion for OUR Red Sox 365 days per year.

     

    You just need to calm down a bit.  Stop tilting at windmills.  One of us says something remotely negative about a Red Sox player, and you lose your cookies.  You stalk said offender with the dogged zeal of an SS trooper.  Even over a very funny OP as this.

    You simply need to relax just a bit!  As was the case with Kimsaythis this past winter.  She was absolutely losing her mind going after everybody.  "Ban him!  Ban her!  The Yanks are coming!  The Yanks are coming!  They're everywhere!!  They must be rooted out! Aaaaaaaah!"  She totally lost her mind.  Your witch hunt is equally infuriating. 

    You seem like a great Red Sox fan, so just try to relax and enjoy.  :)  Go after the real nut jobs......   Stiffy is always open game!  Now go get him tiger!!

     
  24. This post has been removed.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from redsoxdirtdog. Show redsoxdirtdog's posts

    Re: Freak Injury Sidelines Star Again

    In response to UnionFallsNY's comment:

    The first ten responses to the OP which bashed Ellsbury's character seemed to endorse the portrayal of Ellsbury. Why then is Softlaw their favorite villain when Softlaw is the ultimate Jake basher?  How can you agree with a villain and still call him a villain? Makes one wonder how people can dilute themselves so much. Don't these posters have a backbone ?




    Oh Pike....   Come on man!  They thought it was funny :)  You know....  funny.  Sometimes you just need to laugh....

     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share