On the rare occasion that Ortiz makes an out, said out, injures the other team's best player.
When David Ortiz speaks, EF Hutton listens.
Michael Wacha has Ortiz pajamas.
When Ortiz flies back to Boston, Cardinals can't fly.
If you put all of Ortiz's playoff homeruns back to back, they would reach to infinity and beyond.
Deciding to pitch to Ortiz, automatically disqualifies you from joining Mensa.