posted at 10/5/2012 9:10 AM EDT
First, Sox should put out an ad saying "Rebuilding The Bridge To 2016"
Then, Sox should trade Ellsbury and Pedroia and Lester for oodles of minor league talent, preferably more shortstops and hard-throwing SPs.
Then, the Sox can put out another ad, "Got Rid of the Cancers, Now the Healing Begins."
Then, the Sox can have a charity game between Pawtucket and the Sox, except since Pawtucket is the Sox, no one in the Fenway crowd will be able to distinguish between what is the minor team or what is the MLB club.
With the Sox officially eliminated on July 31, the Sox will announce Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek and Pedro Martinez will be activated for one special contest v. the Tampa Rays. Martinez will throw 3 perfect innings, then Wakefield will give up a basehit to newly acquired Alex Greenberg and get booed. Varitek will come out of the game the moment Wakefield comes in, forcing Aviles to catch because the Sox started Salty at 1b and Lavarnway at DH and the Sox didn't want to lose the DH. Fortunately for the Sox, Sox free agent signing Andruw Jones, who had not homered all season in 100 previous at bats, slugs a home run in the 9th for a Sox win.
Sox put out new ad, "Rebuidling the Bridges to Madison County And To 2018"
At end of season, one last ad after a 59-103 season, "No More Stinkin' Bridges, Just Wait Till Next Year!!!"