posted at 7/16/2011 9:36 AM EDT
In Response to Re: Wussball
Pitch velocity readings shall be replaced by blog entries from the Huffington POST Real Food from the Concessions shall be replaced with cheap plastic lookalikes; at the same price. (It wasn't Real food to begin with.) Selected game dates shall revive the old Ladies Day event; except the target audience shall be dysfunctional sports bloggers; they could use some fresh air & sun. No proof is necessary. Bathroom use is not allowed without paying a one-time PSL fee for a reserved receptacle. This goes for powder rooms as well. A surcharge to the ticket shall be applied to all marriage proposals at the ballpark, plus a fee for the energy resource required to briefly display the lucky couple on the big scoreboard. No refunds if the proposer is turned down. The premium package includes a shaving cream pummeling from AJ Burnett. Optional: The fan can supply their own crust, or purchase it from the advanced ticket window.
Posted by nhsteven
WUSSBALL REALLY GROW UP AND STOP CRYING LIKE LITTLE BABIES
posted at 7/17/2011 12:52 AM EDT
In the not-to-near-future, FARMHAND will suffice as bait. Fans may dangle him as a target for foul balls.
posted at 8/29/2011 4:54 PM EDT
A fan incentive shall be added when AJ Burnett pitches, either home or away; if a fan can guess the inning he gets knocked out, he shall win a free can of a Shaving Cream product of his or her choice; this can be substituted with Whipped Cream (Including NON-FAT) or furniture polish.
If a fan guesses what the exact Pitching Line for him is, he/she shall receive 1% of his daily salary (That's $356.16; nothing to sneeze at for the commoner) from the Yankees.
posted at 8/29/2011 5:00 PM EDT
This is for Softy; when Wastefield pitches, and a fan can guess how many launches occurs, the fan shall receive a jar of pig's knuckles. If there are no launches that game, no prizes shall be awarded, so a fan should not guess None. If in the unlikely event the Sox acquire Matt Kemp on the same day, the fan shall also win a sample of Matt Kemp's rap music collection and an invite to the trade celebration party, which concludes with a night out among his posse and groupies. This is applicable for all persuasions.
posted at 8/29/2011 6:08 PM EDT
Wuss thread bumped by Harnut
posted at 8/29/2011 7:59 PM EDT
Baseball shall evolve into PED Ball. All players shall submit to the most sophisticated drug tests, blood & urine, as used by the Olympic Committee, (including the New HGH Test), a week before the contest. The batter gets up to hit; if he gets an Extra Base Hit, his tests are revealed; dock 1 base from the hit for each of the following: HGH, Steroids, Amphetamines. For multiple infractions, the minimum safety in this case would result in a SINGLE. (FANS are encouraged to litter the field with BARRY BONDS Foam Syringes, when this occurs; the game shall lengthen, but what the heck.) If Hallucinogens are found, ADD 1 base; if it's a Homer, add 1 Base to the next hit, if it occurs. Street Drugs don't count.
For Pitchers, if a K occurs, check the Results; for PEDS above, the K becomes a Walk; for Hallucinogens (Known as the DOCK ELLIS Rule), a BB becomes a K, and a Single becomes a BB, but a Hit Batter results in an ejection for irresponsibly endangering the batter.