I was nervous. I didn't know what to wear. I was taking my 4-year-old to play with a friend from school, and while her friend's mom and I had connected briefly over the phone, we had never spent time together in person. As I drove to the play date, I worried: Our kids adore each other, but what if we moms don't hit it off?

Making new "mom friends" can be stressful. Nancy Holtzman, director of early parenting programs for Isis Maternity, points out that there's a lot of vulnerability and anxiety involved -- no one wants to put herself out there just to get shot down -- and Katherine Stewart, author of Class Mothers, decries the socially charged, judgmental mommy-dating scene.

But I think it's exponentially harder when you're also juggling a full-time job. I had tried to attend pot-luck suppers and morning singalongs at my daughter's preschool, hoping to connect with other parents -- but no luck. There was no time to exchange phone numbers, let alone get to know one another. We were all wrangling our kids and trying to sing or coax food into them while surrounded by toys, and then rushing home to put them to bed or rushing to the office to work.

So when I ran into the mom of my daughter's friend in the preschool parking lot, I decided it was now or never. I swallowed hard and asked her out. When I handed her my phone number, I felt like I was in junior high, holding a note that said: "Do You Like Me? Check One: Yes/No." She checked "Yes."

When my stepkids were small, I felt like an outsider in the mommy scene. When my youngest kids were born, I didn't fit in with the stay-at-home mom crowd. By the time I found a group I loved, my maternity leave was over, and there was no way I could attend a 10 a.m. play date every Wednesday. Was it even worth it to try now?

It was. The girls had a great time -- and we moms did, too. Maybe mommy dating gets easier as your kids get older. Or maybe I was just ready to try again.

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QUESTION OF THE WEEK

See the story at boston.com/magazine and comment:

Have you been on a mommy date that went well? That flopped?

Next week: My daughter, "PartyGirl539"

Last week: One dad gets thinking after a nephew's visit.