Hi Barbara,

Hi Barbara,

Dear Barbara,

Barbara,
I am hoping you could address some questions regarding kindergarten choices. I live in a district that offers half- and full-day programs, and I chose half-day for my son who will be almost five and a half when school begins in September. I think he'd do fine in full day, but I chose half for a few reasons: because I stay at home and enjoy our time together, because he sleeps 11-12 hours at night and I feel like we'd never see him, and - honestly - because I am just in no rush to put him (and me) on a big kid "fast track" lifestyle rushing from one activity to the next.

My 18 month old refuses to drink milk from a sippy cup. She gladly drinks juice & water from her sippy, but no matter the type of sippy cup I put milk in she won't drink it (I've tried her favorite existing cups and have also tried a variety of new cups). She only wants milk in her bottle. To give her credit, she will occasionally try to drink some milk from the sippy, but she ends up gagging on the milk and then refuses to try any additional sips. Most times she simply refuses the sippy with milk by saying no and walking away or by having a meltdown (especially if she has specifically asked for her "bubba"). How do I successfully introduce her to milk in a sippy to help her make this transition away from bottles? Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks in advance!

I have twin boys, one of them is potty trained, the other one is not. Every time I ask him to go to the bathroom is a battle, I have been forced to put diapers back on him since he won't go on his own or tell me or the teacher he has to go. I put him back in underwear and he just pees and poops in them and doesn't even tell me!!! I have NO IDEA what and how I am supposed to handle this . No one in his class is in diapers except for him...
any suggestions will be more than welcome!!!!

My 8-year-old daughter told me that she "just knows" that she is gay. I find this hard to believe. She told me about an incident where she and a (girl) friend got undressed in front of each other and "rolled around naked" on her bed. I asked for more details, explaining that she might feel better to get it off her chest. She cried a lot and while she did not give more information, she insisted that she could just feel it that she's a lesbian.

From: Catherine, Richmond, VA

Dear Barbara,

My husband and I have 2 boys aged 6 and 3 years. Before my husband and I met, he fathered a son with another women he had dated briefly. They were never together but he and I maintained a relationship with the child until the boy was about 17 years old (and our oldest boy was just a baby). At this time, the boy was going through some difficult adolescent issues and we lost contact with him. We haven't told our sons about their half brother yet, but I want to tell them now before they find out on their own. What is the best way to tell them? What questions might they have?

My husband and I are not on the same page when it comes to parenting styles and our approaches to dealing with everyday situations. We have two children, 5 and 6. Are there therapists that deal strictly with helping parents work through parenting issues and provide advice on how best to handle typical parent/child situations?

Barbara, Hi. I am a parent of two children. My daughter, Lily, is 9, and my son Trey is 6.

Is there a way to search through your old mailbag Q&A articles? I read one a while back giving advice about traveling for business & how to explain it to young children. I'm headed on a trip for work soon (the first one since my daughter was a year old, she's now 5 and would like to refresh my memory on your suggestions. Thanks!

[This letter has been condensed and edited. BFM.] I'm in a challenging relationship with my girlfriend or hope to- be- future wife. We are separated right now with some conflicting issues and, well, one of the questions is that she doesn't think it's important that her son have household chore, and that it's also ok for him to smoke pot in the house or in the basement.

From: Vic, Alton, IL

My son is 3 years and 4 months. He has expressed only a vague interest in potty training and his daycare and we (mom and dad) are trying to encourage him. But what's most frustrating is that when he makes a poop in his diaper, he lies where we can smell it and ask "do you have a poop?" "No" "I know you do" "no I don't" and this goes on and on. Finally after periods of time ranging from minutes to hours, he will admit he has a poop and let us change him. He's getting too heavy and strong for me to force him to a place where I can change him. Any suggestions for getting him to be truthful and do you think this is related to reluctant potty training? Thanks in advance, I look forward to your feedback.

My boyfriend is trying to reach out to his twin girls since he was not present in their lives since they were 3 years old. He wasn't present because their mother was fighting to keep him out of their lives due to personal reasons of her own. He has been paying child support since then.

My son, now 18, has always had trouble fitting in with his peers. He does not like sports or playing board games or even video games. He's very verbal and loves to debate. He's a bit on the feminine side in his mannerisms but don't think he's gay. He does very well in school, although he's better in English than in math. I think his problem is that he has not found a way to "play" that he enjoys. He loves to be with his peers, but is usually left out. As a result, he's had trouble with minor depression and anxiety, which he takes some mild medication for and gets counseling for.

From: Sally, Austin, TX

Hi Barbara,
My daughter's classmate, who is 6, has been calling and calling the house for her and asking her for playdates. She doesn't want to go and is not happy about his attention. How to handle this without offending his mom, who is a lovely woman?

From: JMT, Topsfield, MA

We were celebrating my daughter's birthday at her house. My grandchildren were upstairs playing, my daughter's two children and a friend. The children began arguing and they called my youngest granddaughter out of her name and began teasing her. She came down stairs crying and I saw her first. Her dad heard her and asked what was wrong. She began to tell him and he (the dad) asked if her brother was also taunting her. She said yes. The father called the brother downstairs and began yelling loudly about what he had told him at another time about taking up for his sister and not joining in with others when someone is talking about her. Well, it [end up] in a "WOW" situation. The father took the son outside in the front and began yelling and telling him he should stand up and not be a sissy. I came outside and began listening. I did not interfere. After a while, I went inside to get my daughter who was still upstairs trying to console the daughter. She went outside and my grandson was crying profusely. She tried to talk to her husband and he refused to listen and she could hardly get a word in. Finally, she said, "If you don't stop, I am going to call the police. He said, "Call the damn police, I don't care." I motioned for my grandson to come inside. They continued to talk. Finally, I asked my other daughter to go outside and try to get him (them) to stop. It was getting terrible and I didn't want her neighbors to see any disturbance. They finally came inside and he was still very angry. The two of them went upstairs and continued to talk. My son-in-law kept saying, "I guess you (my daughter) just want him to grow up and be a sissy."

My 6 year old is in kindergarten this year for the second time around. She did very well the first time around at a different school, but we took her out and home-schooled her for the second semester because she came home and told me that a teacher made sexual inappropriate comments to her. We spoke with a psychologist and with the county dhr and nothing was done so we started over in a new school this year.

My 8 year old daughter recently said, "I'm so ugly, I really hate myself." I must have looked horrified, and I said, "No no no, you are gorgeous inside and out!" She definitely noticed that this is a way to get a reaction out of me, because now she's constantly saying negative things about herself. I have always been careful not to put myself down in front of her (I have struggled with self-esteem issues all my life), so I do not think she is repeating things I say. How should I react when she says things like, "I'm an idiot," "I hate myself," etc?

Lori Verni-Fogarsi has been a freelance writer, journalist, columnist, and seminar speaker for 15+ years. "Momnesia" is her debut novel, which covers the topic of balancing momminess and sexiness. Verni-Fogarsi is a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and has two cats, both rotten. She is currently working on her next novel.

Barbara is on vacation. She'll be back answering questions Jan 11.

Hi Barbara,
I have a 3.5 year old boy who is not potty trained. We have tried everything, including bribery, to no avail. I try not to pay much attention to it, but just ask him once in awhile if he would like to go. He has gone twice and was rewarded, but that was over two months ago. My question to you is, should we force the subject, or wait until he lets us know he is ready? He is still in diapers and wears pull ups occasionally but still makes no effort to go.
Any info would be appreciated.

I am very nervous because my daughter is saying things to her dolls that her mom is saying to her. Not the nice things, but the not-so-nice things. "I'm not proud of you; you're being fresh," was the straw that made me write in, but it has gotten to the point where my daughter is repeating my wife's unduly harsh reprimands verbatim. I don't know why I find this so frightening. Should I be concerned? What do I say to my wife? I am worried that this is the start of an unhealthy, resentful relationship and I want to derail the train before it becomes a runaway. Help.

My 4 year old was molested by a 12 year old girl and her younger brother, age 9. I don't know everything that happened but she is in counseling at the moment. Every night she won't go to sleep and says she'll have nightmares. In the beginning of her telling me this, I believed her claims of nightmares. Now I feel she uses it as an excuse for everything she does that she not suppose to be doing or whenever I try to discipline her, she starts talking about being hurt. I still talk to her about what happened whenever she brings it up. But it is not seeming to help. Also she gets anger very easily and scratches her face or bites herself. I really don't know what to do. Before the abuse, my baby was a happy, loving, caring, bubbly child. Now it seems her days are filled with darkness and there is nothing I can do to help. Do you have any advice for me? I am lost and feel horrible that this has happened to my baby and I feel helpless. She's my baby and I just want her to be happy again.
Please help me!!