He has always been this way - not just with her, but with us as well. I also observe him kissing her sometimes when he hugs, again making those sounds. His mannerisms remind me of an adult.

We are an affectionate family and I certainly don't mean to discourage closeness, but this makes me uncomfortable!

Thank you!
From: Ann, Buffalo, NY

Thank you!
From: Carolyn, Plaistow, NH

I'm struggling with how to tell the children from my first marriage that they are going to have a new half-sibling and I hoped for some advice.

Over 4 years ago their mother and I split up and I moved out. It took quite a while for us to initiate and finalize a divorce but that was eventually done last summer, almost 3 1/2 years after we separated. Not long after the separation I began a long distance relationship with a wonderful woman (I lived on the East Coast and she lived in California). Almost a year ago I moved to California. We agreed not to tell my children (ages 21 and 18) about her until after the divorce was finalized. Finally, almost 6 months after the divorce and almost a year after I moved, they visited California and met my new partner for the first time. The visit went well and was without drama. However, just before they visited, we learned that we are expecting (we are delighted). We didn't tell them at the time but we are now through the first trimester and I need to break the news. Would you please provide me with some advice on how to bring this up? My son is 21 and a senior in college on the east coast and my daughter is 18 and a freshman so it's not feasible for me to do this in person. My relationships with them are not great, we rarely speak, though not through lack of my trying. I'm very anxious about this and am deeply concerned that this will be a huge wedge in an already fragile relationship. My partner and I both feel that we would like my children to be part of our lives and to also have a relationship with their new half-sibling. Also, should I tell their mother directly or let the children break the news to her? If you suggest that I tell her directly, is that something I should do subsequent to telling my kids? What insights might you have for us?

My 23-month old is biting a lot at daycare, usually 3+ times a week for the past month or so. She does not bite at home. Daycare is concerned enough to want to test her for development and personality issues. She is highly verbal and highly possessive of "her" things ("Mine" may be her favorite word) and from the teacher's reports, most of the biting is usually over a toy and she usually uses her words before biting. Otherwise, she is really easy going child and while she has her moments, she is easily distracted out of them and her tantrums usually last for only 1-2 minutes.

The classroom she is in includes 10 other children, all within 3 months of her age and 2-3 teachers. She has been at this daycare since she was 2 months old and most of the children have been together the entire time.

Each time she has bit, we talk about it and I express to her the need to be "nice and gentle" with her friends. The teachers say they respond by removing her from the situation and have tried to offer her teethers.

We went to a pediatric dentist 2 months ago (regularly scheduled visit and not biting related) and he said all her teeth were in, so I do not think she is teething.

What do you think could be causing the biting? Because she is so verbal compared to her peers, could she be frustrated by their lack of verbal skills? As she is not biting in front of me, what can I do as a parent do reinforce the "no biting?" Is she too young to offer rewards/punishments hours after the biting incident (a sticker for making it through the day without biting?) What do you think of the daycare's suggestion for developmental and personality testing?

Thank you!
From: Mom of biting toddler, Boston area

I have 3 boys (7, 5 and 2).

My oldest was recently diagnosed (in June) with ADHD (hyperactivity/impulsivity) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He was always a challenge for us to parent. My hope was that his behavior was just a phase and that he would gow out of it. But here I am years later, and his behavior is still a huge concern.

It has become more and more apparent since he is now in school. Peer relationships are difficult for him. He is loud, doesn't get along well with most peers, and sometimes has threatened or hit them. He is bossy with his younger brothers (they do not have ADHD), overreacts to the most minimal situations, swears and talks back to me (tells me he wishes I was dead), etc. Time outs, loss of privileges, you name it, I have tried it.

I did not want to put him on meds, but now it seems like the only option sometimes. I have changed his diet (limit his sugar and dairy intake, colors, and additives) and have him take supplemental vitamins and minerals.

We keep him as active as we possibly can (daily biking, swimming, karate). He gets weekly psychosocial therapy with a social worker (I also see the same social worker for parent training sessions). He will be starting a social skills group soon. Also during school, he will see the school psychologist weekly, and receive speech therapy (social pragmatics).

His behavior just seems so out of control most days (there is always an incident with his siblings everyday), that I can't take it anymore. The child psychiatrist said that this was a mild form of ADHD. It does not seems mild to me. Sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel and go for the meds but will that actually change his behavior or I am just taking the easy way out?

At my wits end, Newton, MA

I'd like to stop breastfeeding for my 1-year old daughter, Rina, because she is going to become 2 years old in 2 months! But she loves to continue it. How can I stop it? Every time I ask her if I can stop it or not, she refuses it strongly.

From: Masako, Japan

Our family will be moving some time in the next year or year and a half, and we are trying to figure out the timing. I'd like your advice on how traumatic a mid-year school change would be for our 4-year-old son, as opposed to one during the summer. He just turned 4, and is in a private 3-day-a week preschool now, where he's doing well. He's smart but naturally cautious and self-conscious, and our main worries about him are social, as he's slow to warm up to new friends and situations. His current preschool teacher says he's been starting to initiate interactions with other kids lately, though, which we've been thrilled to hear.

He will start kindergarten next year, and we're debating 3 different scenarios; a) to move this summer and have him start a new school in September (it would be a little difficult to do the move this soon for financial reasons, and it may entail actually moving twice, though the second move would be within the same town); b) to stay where we are, have him start a new school year in a new class at either his current private school or at the local public school, and then move mid-year (this second option would entail starting out with my husband having a 45 minute commute); or c) waiting another full year in our current location, then moving the summer after his first year of kindergarten (but with Daddy having a long commute all year).

So I guess my question is: will changing schools be easier or harder as he gets older? Is a mid-year school change likely to be as traumatic for him as it was for me when my family moved when I was in 3rd grade? (I was shy, too, and it was very hard). Would you judge that a longer commute for Daddy would be as hard as changing schools?
Thanks so much for any advice!

From: Carriefran, Boston

Unfortunately, I just found out our district is moving to an "embedded" half-day program, which means all the kids are in one class together, but the half-day kids (of which there are fewer) will be sent home before lunch, while the rest of the class will stay. Am I overreacting to think this is a slightly cruel thing to do to the half-day kids? I am imagining that the full-day kids will have more time getting to know their friends and their teacher, putting the half-day kids at a big social disadvantage.

I was a big fan of the half-day program, when it was a group of kids who were set as true peers in the classroom. This change has me considering a switch to the full-day program, which isn't at all what I'd envisioned. (My son is in his second year of pre-school, but going from three mornings a week to five full days seems like a drastic change for him.) Since he's my oldest, I don't know what to expect from kindergarten, but I assume there is a lot more traditional teaching, as opposed to the free play learning he is used to at preschool.

Also, and we are expecting a new baby this summer. I feel like all these changes may be too much for my little guy. I know they seem like a lot to me!

I would appreciate any advice you may have. Thank you.
From: Tracy, Scituate, MA

From: Sarah, Avon, MA

From: Maggz, Los Angeles

I assured that it would not matter to me at all, but she may be a little young to know conclusively. What do you think? Could she know?

Good Day!

My question is how to deal with a 2 year old daughter who, in her early age, is already a brat? Spoiled by my mother in law and some other member of the family? Give me some advice in good parenting.

From: Gel C, Phillipines

From: Heather, Toronto

From: AMH, Metro West, MA

Lily is the child that I am having questions about right now. She is in the 3rd grade, and has been at the same school since Pre-K 4. (6 years at the school.) She has hydrocephalus which has made her head a little larger than normal, and she does not run very fast. She tends to shake her head a lot. Well, as you might guess at this point, she has no friends. The playground at recess is a sad place for her. She tends to talk to teachers, because the girls do not want to include her in anything. We have been seeing a child psychologist for about 4 years. One of his suggestions was to invite children over to my home for playdates. (One on One) I have done this, but I have found that the girls will come over and play with Lily for hours, and have a good time. When we go back to school, those girls go back to playing with their usual friends. Another problem is that a few girls who may want to try to include her in things now and again have been eliminated from their peer groups as a result of that effort.

This is a Catholic school. I have been wanting to pull her out of this school for years,but my husband is dead set against it. We have bitter fights every time the subject comes up. He clearly has the upper hand. My idea was that we get her a new school, new kids, and new opportunities to make friends. He says "no", she stays where she is, and learns to deal with this. He also keeps saying that Lily needs to be nice to everyone, even when they're hurting her feelings and saying mean things to her. Any advice you can give would be much appreciated.

Thanks,
From: Diane, Metairie, Louisiana

From: Momof2, Newton, NH

[Her children] ...also have to be told what to do [for every] task like little kids and also they, or at least one of them, are gone for days or sometimes week's on end he pops in when he wants to or when he needs something from his mom. She has three son, two are twins.... They also won't listen to rules too well....There's other things going on with us but those are some of the things that are affecting our relationship. I'm at my wit's end. Can you tell me what to do or how to deal with this or these things? Thank you so much.

From: Rachel, Billerica, MA

He is now 50 and wants to know if there is any suggestions that you can give him on how to contact them by sending a letter, video, anything on how to take the first step to see if they, as teenagers, would be interested in meeting him and eventually getting to know him.

He has an idea of where they are living, but doesn't know where to start.

Thank you.
From: Sonia, Toronto

I'm looking for advice on how he can further develop his social skills so he can form deeper lasting friendships.

He made my grandson cry and cry, it hurt him so bad. Long story short. Will I, a grandparent, be out of place to talk to my daughter and or my son-in-law about how I feel about what happened or should I just let it pass over and pray for the best? Please help me because I haven't slept in two nights.

From: Yawyer, Atlanta

It seems that she is upset because she is in kindergarten again, which I understand and only did this because I didn't want her to be behind. She has had some problems with lying and stealing since she started school and I am just not sure what to do about the situation. I know that moving schools and being taken out of school in the first place was a traumatic event for her, but I didn't know what else to do because the school wasn't willing to do anything...how could I continue to let her attend a school who wasn't willing to keep her safe? The truth is, I don't know for a fact that the teacher said those things to her, but I do know that she didn't learn those things at home and I felt the school should have been more concerned with where it came from, if nothing else. Please help me, this has all been so difficult and I just want her to be happy and healthy and to not have any psychological issues due to this.

From: Amanda, Cedar Bluffs, Alabama

From: Worried Mom, Sharon, MA