This mother is concerned about a child in trouble and the child isn't her own. I think almost any of us can imagine being in this position.

Hi Barbara:
I need advice about my role in dealing with a neglected middle school child. He is a close friend of my son’s and my family is quite fond of him. The family was under DSS supervision but is no longer. He is the only child “living at home” (I put it in quotes because he roams from house to house and is never home.) The situation is complicated (and too long to explain in this space) but I am worried about him for multiple reasons. I have been trying to place limits on the time he spends at our house (or he’d be here 24/7/365 but I find myself feel guilty about not just taking him in. After years of good grades his GPA slid precipitously this year and as he gets older I worry more about his psychological welfare due to the neglect and the obvious gap between his situation and that of his friends. Now it is summer and he is losing the little structure he had. I don’t know what to do and I feel woefully unprepared to help him cope. DSS help is not an option. What to do?

From: Worried in Wakefield

Dear Worried,

First, I want to say thanks to you for caring. Secondly, I want to tell you not to feel guilty on any count; it sounds like you have already done a lot for this boy. Plus, we all have limits and our own personal circumstances that others cannot judge or comprehend. That said, it also sounds like you are willing to do a bit more, and I suggest that could happen simply by making some phone calls.

You write that DSS is not an option and, obviously, I don't know why that is but a Department
of Children and Families (DCF) spokeswoman assures me that non-family members are able to make anonymous calls to DCF. Here's the link; I leave that up to you.

Other possibilities include calling the director of a local community group (Boys' Club, YMCA) to try to find an organization willing to reach out to this boy. If you are affiliated with a religious organization, or you think the family or boy might be, that's another option. So is the school principal (they're around during the summer, you know!). Actually, that would be my first call. Do you know any family members other than the parents with whom you could discuss this? Can you call a meeting of other parents of your son's and this boy's friends? Is there a way a number of you can stitch something together for him for the summer?

And what about talking to the boy directly? Let him know your concerns -- all of them. Do this without your son present. Ask him directly, how is he managing? What does he do from day to day? Night to night? What help would he like? You might be surprised at what he has to say.

I answer a question from a reader every weekday. If you want help with
some aspect of child-rearing, just write to me here.