What has four eyes and pees in its bed?

The Mississippi River

Question: My 5-year-old son arrived home today telling me how funny his best friend from school is. He told me the boy drank pee (urine) and did not get sick and it was delicious. My son was not sure if that was just a silly joke or it was true... Anyway, I was kind of shocked with that (of course my son thinks is just funny) and don't know if I have to report to the teachers or talk to the boy's parents. Am I taking the issue to seriously?

From: Simone, Washington, DC

Yep, Simone, you are. Welcome to the age of potty humor.

Bathroom talk not only is funny to boys -- and girls! -- this age, but it also actually serves a purpose. They are now cognitively able to understand the connection between eating and body functions. But they are getting what appear to be mixed messages from parents and society: It's something we all have to do, but -- huh? -- it's not a nice thing to talk about.

So they manage the confusion and gain control over it by making jokes. In effect, potty humor does something very sophisticated and certainly something we do as adults: It takes a taboo topic and detoxifies it.

By the way, this is also an age of trying to "trick" each other. He didn't drink the pee -- I guarantee it -- but the fact that this boy was able to convince a friend that he did is part the gaining control process.

Probably the worst is yet to come! Just wait until he tells you, "You're a potty-head!!"

So how to deal with it?

There are three schools of thought on this:

1. Set a limit the first time you hear an offensive word: "In our family, that's not a word we use." Consider this in the process: If you don't set a limit, he's more likely to use bathroom humor indiscriminately and to get in trouble for it at school.

2. Ignore it (because you don't want to give it attention) and wait for it to disappear, which it will because children grow out of it.

3. Acknowledge the humor when it's really funny but set the limit at the same time. For instance, you might say, "That's pretty clever and I know you and your friends think it's really silly. But it's not good manners, those are not nice words. In our family, we value good manners." If it sounds like you are endorsing a double standard out, you are: It's OK for you to use those words and jokes among your peers, but don't let me hear it at home. I would actually go so far as to say, "If you want to talk that way to your friends, that's your decision. But it's not an acceptable way to talk to adults and Mom and I don't want to hear those words."

FYI, Research shows there is no correlation between bathroom humor at 5 and 6 and swear words at 9 or 10. (You deal with swear words pretty much the same way.)

Meanwhile, in direct response to your friend telling your son that he drank his urine and it was good, I'd suggest saying, "Boy, that's a good one," signaling that you don't believe it for a second. That offers him a role model and a perspective.

PS: When you're confronted with any kind of bathroom humor, here's what you don't want to do: Wash his mouth out with soap, or tell him angrily, "Don't ever let me hear you say that again!" Those are over-reactions to a normal developmental stage. Plus, the bigger a deal you make out of the use of bathroom words, the more likely he will use them when he wants to act out.

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