Hi Barbara,
My six-and-a-half-year-old daughter is very slow in eating and writing. Only if I shout at the top of my voice she listens to me. First I tell her very soft and nicely, then I lose my temper and shout - only then she does her work. For example, her homework, changes her uniform, wash hands when you come home. One more habit which has been there from 2 years of age, she holds and twists her hair and now she is losing hair, too. She does this while drinking milk, while watching TV, while writing, sleeping etc. Please help.

From: Ginny, Bangalore

Ginny,

If you yell on a regular basis, children don't hear you. They tune you out, they accept it as normal. But worst of all, if you are angry, sarcastic, or insulting when you yell, your child will, over time, accept it as a sign of rejection. A recent article in the New York Times, "For some parents, shouting is the new spanking," is an excellent perspective on this.

The fact that your daughter holds and twists her hair and is loosing her hair can be a sign of anxiety. Hair pulling can be a serious medical problem known as trichotillomania.

It sounds like you could use some professional help in managing your temper and to get a better understanding of your child's development so that you can set reasonable expectations for her behavior. It also sounds like your daughter might benefit from medical attention regarding the hair pulling.

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