If the league was billed as for 6th and 7th graders, then you should speak to whomever is running the league about it if your son wants to play. He shouldn't be the only younger boy on the team, particularly if the coach is such a jerk. It's reasonable to ask to have him switched to another team - it happens all of the time. If they won't switch him, or if they say he's the only 6th grader who signed up (or something lame like that), I'd encourage him to quit, as he's going to have a lousy experience.

I see this as a fantastic opportunity for your son to learn more about how to make difficult decisions, how to weigh options, AND to gain some insight into how parenting works. He is bright (and probably perceptive) so you might consider sitting down with him and having a frank discussion with him about ALL your thoughts on his participation. Don't badmouth the coach or teammates, but be honest about your reservations. Without "parenting", take him through the process of considering all the sides of each point and be honest about your ambivalence. Then, let him make a decision based on his own analysis and preferences.

why not let him give it a try for a while before making the decision? the "adversity" might actually motivate him to do much better than he thought he could. if he's miserable after some weeks, then he can quit.

I agree that finding another, age-appropriate team is a good idea. But if he likes basketball and wants to play in the future I would talk to the coach before you make the switch. If he stays on the team this year, even if he rides the bench, will that help him next year when he is a 7th grade boy. If he could come back to the same team/ league next year with some experience under his belt, it could be beneficial form him to stay on now.

I can understand why this mom wants to shield her son from the potential hurt of playing on a team where everyone is older, taller and maybe more athletic. That said, he's 11, not 2. I'm not advocating that this mom force him to play out the season, but, if it were me, I'd let the boy make up his own mind. It sounds like she wants to advise him to quit. I think this is a terrible idea. You can't protect kids from being hurt by their peers at times, and this may be a chance to build some character without having a helicopter mom involved. And if this mom steps in to suggest that he quit, he could easily come away with the impression that "Mom thinks I can't do it, so I should probably just give up."

Completely agree with no big deal and hunterstars.

I think a lot depends on who's running the program. A high-school-age coach may very well not be appropriate. The best thing may be to try to get involved with a program at his school with a qualified coach and, hopefully, some school friends that your son already knows. I'm not much of an advocate of "toughing it out" approaches when it comes to elementary school kids. An immature coach and derisive older team-mates may very well turn a kid away from sports for life and won't help his general socialization either. Talk to the "coach", the program's sponsors, and school officials as well. (And I really think the coach should be an experienced and qualified adult.)

1) I would present the options to your son as "This is turning out to be not what we thought it would be - shall we try to find something better?" as opposed to "Do you want to quit?"
2) You also might ask the coach if there are other teams or leagues that might provide a better fit for your son's age/abilities since the others on his team seem to be older/more skilled.

From your opening lines it seems your early and clear read on your son is that athletics isn't where his gifts and passion lie anyway. I agree with Barbara and others you may want to just make it clear you back decision to back away - "wasn't what we thought it would be."

that said, wow if he hangs in there with his crew, he might well rule the court next year with his age (and height) peers.