For heaven's sake, why is it assumed that all teenagers will end up in a drunken orgy if the parents go out of town? I'm 26 - my parents left me and my 1-year-younger brother home alone over weekend when we were teenagers, because they had to travel for our younger sib's sports commitments. NEVER ONCE did "word get out" and "gangs... on the doorstep, six packs in hand" show up. Not ever. Never. It's called a door lock. You use it. Problem solved.

If the parents don't trust their child enough that they have to write in to an advice columnist, they probably already have doubts. Fine. But it does not, by any means, indicate that all teenagers cannot be trusted home alone.

I think Barbara's advice is great.

If you think it's a good idea and you 100% think she can handle it, then go for it. What is the worst that can happen?

However, if you have had any problems with her regarding curfews, limit-setting, or inappropriate behavior, the answer is no way, jose!

Be sure to impress upon her that this is a test and if she fails, it will have severe consequences until she turns 30.

And, Reason Please, your era was pre-Facebook, pre-texting. Things are different now as far as word getting out and creating problems, so please don't be so dismissive.

You know your child. If you think she can handle it and she thinks she can handle it, then she probably can.

But be cautious. I know the kind of shenanigans my friends and I would pull when our parents went out to dinner. I'm not saying your child will do anything, but be aware that some do.

Realistically, I think the most important thing (if you leave them home alone), is that they have someone near by they can contact in an emergency, whether it be a neighbor or one of your friends.

Reason Please, things like that happen all the time. Don't completely dismiss it because it didn't happen in the bubble you grew up in. From my experience, teens don't normally have six packs, they have 30's.

Overnight?1 18 maybe, 15 never!

We had AIM, which was just as effective as Facebook and texting for a message getting out. You put up an away message and everyone could see it. And this was before my parents had cellphones to call and check in. We got a landline call when they arrived and couldn't reach them if they were out of the hotel room.

I find it completely absurd to claim that every kid is 100% definitely going to have a kegger if the parents are away. Even if word gets out, she CAN control what happens. You lock the door and stay inside. If anyone I didn't know or didn't like had ever come to the door, I wouldn't have opened it.

Maybe the circles that I'm familiar with are just smarter, more responsible kids, but I would hate to think that in ten years children have become so completely incapable of handling themselves, particularly when they are so much more connected with the parents.

My bubble was the city of Boston. Maybe this is just a suburban issue.

Every kid is different, and so with that premise, I add my two cents, not that the LW's child will do what I did, but more as "food for thought". I was also 15 when my parents decided to go away overnight (also only 2 hours away). I was also a "good girl"--grades, sports, etc. But I made the mistake of telling two "friends" that my parents would be out of town. Whether it was wanting to seem "cool" or just the normal teenager succumbing to peer pressure, I agreed to let them come over and stay the night after my parents left. At that age it is hard if not impossible to resist that temptation to impress. What a huge mistake. They told about 10 friends. A couple brought a few six packs of beer. It got completely out of control. I had a younger sibling at home who was also subjected to this. The neighbors who lived across the street who were supposed to be checking on me never did. My friends were quiet when my parents called to check in. But my parents figured it out when they returned,and so much for being "cool" because they forced me to personally call all of my friends' parents to tell them what happened and apologize. I was very lucky that nothing tragic happened or that someone did not get hurt. Looking back at that night more than 20 years later I realize that despite my parents' best guess that I was mature enough to handle being alone for one night, they were wrong and so was I for taking advantage of that responsibility. I say this only because, for me at least, Reason Please is completely off the mark.

At 15? As long as she's responsible, of course!!!

I think Barbara's watched a few too many 80's and 90's teen flicks. It's the stuff of movies, not reality.

I think it really depends on the teenager. I was left home alone overnight from age 14 on and never had any problems. I just knew better than to invite friends over... if I knew my parents were going away for a night I would promise them no one would come over and I would keep that promise! So it really does depend on how trustworthy your daughter is.

You could test it out by saying you *might or might not* be away overnight. Then she will be too concerned that you're going to be coming home to have anyone over. Or you could say the neighbor would be checking in on her (or friend, etc etc). It leaves the teenager with a little doubt about whether they should do anything risque!

Reason Please, Barbara did not say every child will do this. Your responses are very defensive -- but the attack you're defending against did not occur. The issue is that it is a risk. Facebook, cellphone texting, and Tweets make it a lot easier than it used to be -- yes, even in instant messaging days, when kids had to be at home on their computer to see your messages -- for word to get out. The point is that while this child may be responsible, and her friends might be responsible, the friends of friends who find out may not be. It is a risk a parent takes. It might be one the parent is comfortable taking -- but only an irresponsible parent would pretend the risk is not there. Depends on how sure the parents are that the child would keep the door locked even if unexpected friends showed up at her door.

reason please, high horse much? 15 y.o.'s don't think with their brain, plain and simple. Consequences do not guide their choices. At that age it's all about self image (which includes being considered cool, popular, etc.). No 15 yo wants to have to turn away 2, 5 or 20 kids at their doorstep, and no parent should want to put their child in that predicament. Be a parent, not a buddy. When their a few years older, fine.

I think this is totally the parent's call here. I think 15 is reasonable for an overnight alone IF she's responsible, and only the parents can know if she's mature enough to handle it. If there's any question at all, I think the idea of having her stay at a friend's house is a nice solution, though. She may be relieved to not feel dragged along with you but also not have the responsibility of being home alone.

I flew across country on my own to first do ROTC basic training and then live in college housing at 16.

Depends on the kid, but I would think that 15 is old enough if a kid is responsible and a plan is in place.

Sage, I hate to break this to you ... but 18 is just a few years older than 15, and 18 is the age of majority in the United States, as well as drinking age in much of the world.

If your kid is not prepared for that, heaven help us all!

infoferret, if you're insinuating that there is no difference in the level of maturity or responsibility between a 15yo and an 18yo, then i think you're sadly mistaken. i'm fine with an 18yo being left alone [hence "when their (sic) a few years older, fine"]

I let my daughter stay alone over night when she wast 16. She was also a good kid, did well in school and never gave us reason to worry or distrust her. However, rather than be alone, I preferred her to have a friend with her. She had her 2 best friends stay over and it was fine. My main concern was it getting out on facebook. I remember how fast word traveled when someone had a house to themselves when I was young, long before facebook! However, we discussed all the possibilities and she was confident she'd be ok and it went perfectly fine. She also had neighbors and relatives she could call on in an emergency. I think you should trust your instincts and let her stay home. It will be a test for her and let her know that. If she blows it there will be serious consequences.

If you have to ask if your child can handle being home alone overnight, your answer is no.

You need to build trust with your child. If you don't build that trusting relationship now - it will come back to bit you.

It depends on the kid. I would have been fine. My brother would not have been fine left to his own devices. I like the idea of having a friend or two stay with her, like the person who posted #16. In fact, that is what my mother did when she went out of town when I was 17 for Halloween weekend. A few of my girlfriends stayed over. My brother went trick-or-treating with his friends and they came back and his friends tried to grab a couple of bottles of wine from the basement. The three of us girls managed to get the bottles of wine out of the hands of the kids and send them packing. It really depends on the kid. Being a "nice girl" isn't the only quality you need. Backbone helps too, if you are leaving a teen alone at that age.

I stayed over at my friend's house when her parents and little brothers were gone too. The worst thing we did was eat cake in bed and stay up until 3 watching Monty Python. Yes, we were geeks and in sugar shock, but there were no boys, no alcohol.

Another alternative: See if "behind the scenes" you can arrange for your daughter to be invited to another friend's house for a sleep over. If your daughter has a good friend who's mother you get along with, call her and commiserate. One of my friends from another town's Mom called my Mom when we were sixteen and said that she needed to leave town but leave my friend behind...and she just knew her kid was going to act out. She would have been right. My Mom got tickets to an art show downtown for that night (my friend is an artist) and told me to call my friend and invite her to come join us for the art show, a nice dinner and a sleep over. We felt very grown up, had a blast, my friend slept over at my house and her mother knew she was in good hands. Nobody felt like we were being treated like children, and nobody got in trouble.

It really boils down to 2 things (1) safety - does the house have an alarm system, if you live in a bldg does it have a key only entrance, or you live on a higher floor, etc) and (2) trust!

If she's in a safe place and you trust your daughter, absolutely! If the trust is broken, this first time...It will be very difficult to gain it back!

She's old enough to trust her to stay home alone, and you'll have to start teaching her at some point. There is always a first time.

My nephew insisted on skipping a family vacation at 16 and staying home a few years ago. My sister-in-law said fine, but also called the parents of every single one of his friends to let them know he'd be home alone for about five days. Parent invited him over a few times, no one was allowed to go to his house. Problem solved.

I have a fifteen year old son. I would never consider leaving him home alone overnight when there is a simple safe alternative- have him stay at a friend's house and knowing friend's parents will be there. Parents need to parent, and leaving a 15 year old alone is not OK.

I trust my 16 yr old and have left her overnight a couple times, but I also check in through the webcam, leaves me with piece of mind that there aren't a whole bunch of kids over making noise/party.

She knows I can access it at any time, and doesn't dare turn it off.

15 seems a little young for overnight but it depends on the kid. Reason Please- I also grew up in inner city Boston (I'm 40 now) and you bet hoards of kids showed up uninvited any time anyone's parents were out of town. All it took was that one wrong person to find out about it, there was no need for any technology to spread the word.

More than a party, I'd be worried about leaving a girl home alone and some pervert finding out, breaking in and... I know that sounds paranoid but it DOES happen in real life, not just on TV. Heaven forbid, those poor parents would be blasted for leaving a minor alone overnight.

I think the real issue here is that Mom obviously has misgivings about it so whether or not the child is ready is irrelevant. If the parents are going to be worried all night, then I say "no".

Anybody who says "There's not much of a difference between 15 and 18" has obviously never lived with a teenager.

While I agree that not having faith in your child can eventually come back and bite you (when they rebel against "too strict" parents), it's a stretch to say that not allowing your 15-year-old daughter to spend a night alone is not fostering a trusting relationship.

My daughter was a great kid at 15; good grades, nice friends, never gave me a reason not to trust her but I never would have left her home alone overnight. There is just too much that can go wrong (odds are nothing will go wrong, but the potential was too much for me to ignore) and at 15 I just don't think a kid is ready to handle that kind of responsibility.

She's 19 now, living at college and I can honestly say it has never come back to haunt me that I didn't let her stay home alone until she was 18.

To all of those who said not before 18...would you have moved into my college dorms with me? I was 17 when I graduated high school and moved out.....

I also think it is a rush to judgement to assume all teenagers are scheming to party. I'm 28, and I don't think facebook/text really lend much more publicity than IM did back in my day. We still had cellphones. And I did not grow up in the city, but the disparaged suburb (I was with you Reason Please, until that comment). I think it depends on the crowd your kid runs with. None of my friends partied hard in high school. I can't ever imagine uninvited guests showing up - that to me is more the stuff of movies.
I think those commenters that are so adamant of impending parties should admit that their experience may not be an absolute. And I disagree that 15 year olds don't think with their brain. It's all about how you raise them. They may not think of the whole consequence, but I know I always would think of "what my parents would do to me". No offense to the writer, but in general, parents ought to start parenting and stop trying to be "cool" or be "friends" with their children.

C, I was also 17 when I graduated HS and moved to a dorm. I also stayed home alone before moving to a dorm. They are NOT the same at all.

Also, ditto to everyone who jumped in to say there is a big difference between 15 and 18. BIG.

This reminds me of the time when I was 15 or 16 and my mother left me in charge of my 3 younger siblings for just one night when she had to take a short trip for work. She had left strict instructions that we were to be in bed by 9PM and, not wanting to mess up future opportunities to be in charge, I made sure we were all in bed on time. I woke up with a start around 10PM or so to someone pounding on the front door. It was one of our neighbors, checking to see that we were OK. My mom, forgetting the 9PM bedtime instructions, had phoned around 9:30 and freaked out when we didn't answer and had phoned the neighbors. We are all very sound sleepers in our family and didn't hear the phone. I phoned her back and then went back to sleep. I loved being in charge.

I agree w/ many here that it depends on the kid. What I'd like to add is that a casually made decision now may come back & bite you later. A really responsible, level-headed kid at 15 may just be the love-struck, slightly addled 16 or 17 YO later. If she were seriously dating a kid with a car who's parents were less cautious than you, would you leave her for the night alone? Think not only of who your child is, but who she might be in a year or so. Once you leave her alone now, even if it's OK, it's much harder to say she can't stay alone later if circumstances change. And before everyone jumps on the "you can't watch a kid 24 hours a day; if they want to drink/have sex/whatever, they'll find a way" bandwagon, let me say I agree with you. And, yes, there's a time for all of those things -- absolutely. And, as a mother of teen & 20-something daughters, I also feel that your behavior will tell them louder than your words when that time is for your family. If you think 16 or 17 is OK, then it's OK. If you think they should be older, then don't leave them home alone overnight. And, yes, I know very well that kids a great deal younger are drinking, having sex, doing drugs and all kinds of other stuff but as a mom, it's not my job to make it easy for them to make choices with which I disagree. If mine are going to do that, they're going to do it knowing how strongly I disapprove & that they're in for a ton of trouble.

I agree with the idea of having her stay at a friend's house. It's not about trust; it's about making it easy for your kid to be a kid, complete with boundaries and freedoms as YOU feel appropriate.

i am 13, and my brother is 15 we have stayed home alone over night 3 times when my parents visited my sister in college. we never had a party or even friends over, we ate normal food (not pizza the whole entire time) and we did our chores, but if we both hadn't stayed home a lot before and show responsibility then we would probably have to stay at a friends house, and my mom had my grandma check n on us.

It depends on the kid. Like others here, I was a freshman in college when I was 17. I tell my kids, you have my trust until you break it and trust me, it's a lot harder to get it back the second time so think twice before you do something that might get you in trouble.

I'm turning sixteen, and these posts are ridiculous, kids that are left home alone don't throw massive out of control parties. I've stayed at home for family vacations for up to a week and everythings fine. I'm not claiming to be a saint because I'm not, but just to let you guys know, especially Sage, that if kids want to get drunk and high, we're gonna do it whether or not someones parents are home. If your kids are geeky and always "good" they're not gonna become helll raiders for one night just because your gone. And also I tweet, facebook, IM, and text and I don't let "word get out"