Before anything else happens, have his hearing checked.

Maybe he just can't hear the warnings and signals to redirect his attention.

Or maybe he can't hear well enough to be learning the new words
as they come up in normal situations.

My 3 1/2 yr old has had trouble with transitions for a long time. We use a lot of visuals as recommended by his preschool teacher and two speech/OT professionals. He's just too young to understand the "five more minutes" and verbal cues just don't work sometimes for a kid with language delays. We use a visual timer that shows the time ticking down (the one we use is from www.timetimer.com, but I think there are more out there) and we use pictures to show what's next.
We've been told that the transition anxiety comes from a fear of not knowing what is next, so when we're out we draw pictures - first we're going to gym class, then we'll have dinner, and then we'll take a bath - or something like that. When we're having trouble with moving on to the next task, we just take out the pictures. It's time consuming at first, but so worth it in the end.

my 3 year old boy was the same way...he is better now with transitioning. However every now and then he still may have issues My son, like yours received services too. He is aged out and no longer qualifies for them but they have helped. Does your son have a diagnosis of anything? Or is it a simple delay that alot of children go through? All i am saying is that EI cannot diagnose only give you an indication to have him seen further. So with that said, it may not hurt to ask the person who works with your child if he/she advises that he be seen by a specialist for evaluation! If nothing else they can at least give you further insight and advice.

Great advice from Barbara and Alysia! I just want to add that if you don't already have it, do get yourself a copy of "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. "Spirited" is another way of looking at the traits, temperaments, and behaviors that are difficult to deal with. There is an entire chapter on adapability (or lack thereof) and many chapters on the nuts and bolts of getting your child through some of the more common problem points. My oldest son (now age 11) has many "spirited" traits and this book was a validating, sanity-saving lifeline for me when I first read it when he was 3. It was a relief - to both of us - to learn that what we were dealing with was just his temperament and that with compassion, understanding, and a lot if tricks that I learned I could help him manage his way in the world. It wasn't the fault of either of us that he wasn't an "easy" child (and still isn't), and you are most certainly not alone in this. If you pick up the book and a lot of it rings true for you, there is a messageboard on iVillage for parents of "spirited" pre-schoolers that offers lots of advice or just an understanding ear and you may find that helpful as well.

Oh and another thing that helped was paying attention to my son's nutrition. We have always had a good diet with few artificial ingredients or processed foods and eat mostly "whole" foods but even that wasn't enough for him. Supplementation with fish oil and some other things (a nutritionist puts together a regimen and tweaks it as needed for us) went a long way towards evening out his moods and getting problem behavior, when it occurred, to be less extreme.

I, too, had a "spirited" child. One thing that worked for us was a "transistional" object. A sitter of a friend suggested this and it worked great. My son received a small plastic animal when he left a place (it was an otter, I believe) and then gave it back to me when he came home. Everytime he transititioned he could have the otter (and if we had errands to do, he kept it until they were over). It was a good visual signal for him and better than bribes.

I know this is an old post but I just came across it and the question and comments were very helpful. I noticed that this is from 2010, if you are still reading, did any of these tips work well for you? I have a 3 year old with a speech delay who has tantrums whenever we leave a playdate or transition from one "fun" activity to another less appealing activity and no matter what I do, it alway ends with me carrying her out screaming and crying, which can be embaressing because she really is a very sweet girl but this other side comes out during times of transition. In any case, just wanted to say thank you for all these suggestions- I certainly want to give the visual cues and the transitional object a try.

Kelly you just described my son to a 'T', he has a speech delay and yes I carry him out of the park EVERY time, always have. We've just started him at nursery 2 hours a day last week and when transitioning from activities comes he ha a melt down and can't get out of his state of anger, ends up sobbing and I take him home upset. The next day he's raring to go to nursery and runs in to the other kids....I sit by the phone and hope he can go with the flow. I'm thinking of doing visuals too, would love a polaroid camera but they're so expensive may convince my husband to buy it for us. Let me know how you're getting on.

My 4 yr old girl does it too.she loves to play with her classmate in her home but when it's time to leave,she JUST Won't listen.she cries and cries loudly and I have to carry her away.it's Very Very difficult to carry her away as I m not that strong. And it embarrasses me in front of her friends mom.it's like every day death to me or may b death would b even more peaceful than this.she also can't transition from one thing to other like playing or swimming..we spend 2-3 hrs if we go to pool. I am trying to b calm and understanding to her but she just tests me to the limit.all my neighbors r staring when I try to just do my thing with her.I don't want her to get labelled as a special kid or something.it's v v traumatic. I wish she becomes normal.