My 11-year-old daughter shuts down whenever I bring up the subject of her need to wear a camisole or bra. She wants nothing to do with it. I've tried every approach that I can think of to get her to tell me why, but nothing is working. In the past we have happily bra shopped and even worn one a few times, but now she really needs one and is refusing. She is promising to wear one when school starts. Do I let it go until then? Thanks!
From: Starfisher, Boston, MA
Girls at this age can be very self-conscious about the changes in their bodies. It's why the baggy look is so popular among some preteens -- it hides the changes. I would absolutely back off for now, just stop talking about it. Every conversation is a reminder that her body is out of control. At least, that's the way it feels for her. So if she's willing to strike a deal to buy a few new items, including the bra, for back to school, go for it. Also check out New Moon, a great site for girls this age and their moms.
In the meantime, I would also get together over the summer with the moms of a few of her girlfriends. If you and the other moms are all on the same page with this, it will be easier for the girls and for you, especially since they probably are not all changing at the same rate. We tend to think that girls who develop last have the hardest time because they feel like the odd person out, but girls who develop first can feel like misfits, too.
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