Teen's shoes were stolen from her locked locker

Posted by Barbara F. Meltz  February 21, 2011 06:00 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

My daughter is 14. The girls in her school are so mean to her; they say hateful stuff to her start rumors about her. She is a very beautiful girl, and the boys in that school all seem to like her, but she stays away from them because she is afraid of the drama she will have with the girls.

Recently they took her basketball shoes out of her locked locker and hid them the day before her game. So she did not have them on game day, and these are upper classmen high school girls; she is in junior high (same school). One high school girl told her she saw the two girls do it and made her promise she wouldn't tell. She showed her where they hid them. Is this considered bullying and theft? What to do?

From: Cat, Canon City, CO

Dear Cat,

They got into her locked locker? Sounds like theft to me. I'd report it to the school authorities.

However: I would never do this without some discussion with your daughter. She needs to be on board with whatever you decide. In my mind, the best scenario would be for her to recognize that there are procedures and protections in school that deal with behaviors like this (assuming there are). That takes some bravery for a 14-year-old girl. Because here's the other hand, will there be blow back to her afterward? Will it escalate to cyber-bullying? This needs to be part of your discussion. Many high schools have organization/clubs, organized by students themselves, to help students deal when they are targets of bullies. Will she consider checking that out? If she were to get involved in such a program, that might protect her against escalated intimidation.

I answer a question from a reader every weekday. If you want help with some aspect of child-rearing, just write to me here.

This blog is not written or edited by Boston.com or the Boston Globe.
The author is solely responsible for the content.

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

3 comments so far...
  1. Dear Parent: Better check YouTube first. The theft may have been filmed and posted. The cyber bullying may have already started.

    And when you come across those files, SAVE THEM. Burn them to a DVD, contact your local anonymous crime line, and GIVE IT TO THE POLICE. Make sure you keep a copy.

    When a herd of cops shows up in the school and discusses the DVD with the principal, it will scare the S88T out of all the stupid little creeps that think this garbage is OK.

    There is NO reason for your daughter to be outed as the complainer. YOU as the parent have the RIGHT to insist on the absolute prevention of blowback, and this is done by the cops far better than by the school. But you do this with an anonymous message to you local tipline--as you knew before you wrote this letter that this is ILLEGAL.

    Please believe that I speak from experience. Once there is online evidence, it has gone beyond the school and we pay taxes to have access to crime fighting. Please also believe me that the principal of this particular school needs to get the right message the first time you get a chance. Because in a really decent school, theft doesn't happen this way.

    Posted by Irene February 21, 11 10:18 AM
  1. Practical advice: quietly request a new locker. Most likely, one of those girls used to have that locker and knows the combination, so switch it before they concoct any more pranks.

    Keep her in sports and make sure she knows how to be a team player, not a braggart or show off. Talk to the coach so he or she knows what is going on. A bunch of athlete friends can be your daughter's buffer against mean girls.

    And make sure that your daughter isn't instigating or gossiping about the "bullies." I am a teacher and although it is forbidden to "blame the victim", in all honesty, every single girl I have ever seen get bullied is dishing it right on out by starting gossip. If your daughter is saying things to you like, "those girls drink/smoke/do drugs/are promiscuous," you can bet she is spreading those same rumors at school to both students and teachers.

    Teach her the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. Period. And that doesn't mean avoiding people; it means act like there is no problem, be confident, be kind, and the other girls won't see a target.

    Posted by Lisa February 22, 11 04:37 AM
  1. big deal just get her new tennis shoes and make her bring them home

    Posted by amy January 11, 14 01:20 PM
 
3 comments so far...
  1. Dear Parent: Better check YouTube first. The theft may have been filmed and posted. The cyber bullying may have already started.

    And when you come across those files, SAVE THEM. Burn them to a DVD, contact your local anonymous crime line, and GIVE IT TO THE POLICE. Make sure you keep a copy.

    When a herd of cops shows up in the school and discusses the DVD with the principal, it will scare the S88T out of all the stupid little creeps that think this garbage is OK.

    There is NO reason for your daughter to be outed as the complainer. YOU as the parent have the RIGHT to insist on the absolute prevention of blowback, and this is done by the cops far better than by the school. But you do this with an anonymous message to you local tipline--as you knew before you wrote this letter that this is ILLEGAL.

    Please believe that I speak from experience. Once there is online evidence, it has gone beyond the school and we pay taxes to have access to crime fighting. Please also believe me that the principal of this particular school needs to get the right message the first time you get a chance. Because in a really decent school, theft doesn't happen this way.

    Posted by Irene February 21, 11 10:18 AM
  1. Practical advice: quietly request a new locker. Most likely, one of those girls used to have that locker and knows the combination, so switch it before they concoct any more pranks.

    Keep her in sports and make sure she knows how to be a team player, not a braggart or show off. Talk to the coach so he or she knows what is going on. A bunch of athlete friends can be your daughter's buffer against mean girls.

    And make sure that your daughter isn't instigating or gossiping about the "bullies." I am a teacher and although it is forbidden to "blame the victim", in all honesty, every single girl I have ever seen get bullied is dishing it right on out by starting gossip. If your daughter is saying things to you like, "those girls drink/smoke/do drugs/are promiscuous," you can bet she is spreading those same rumors at school to both students and teachers.

    Teach her the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. Period. And that doesn't mean avoiding people; it means act like there is no problem, be confident, be kind, and the other girls won't see a target.

    Posted by Lisa February 22, 11 04:37 AM
  1. big deal just get her new tennis shoes and make her bring them home

    Posted by amy January 11, 14 01:20 PM
add your comment
Required
Required (will not be published)

This blogger might want to review your comment before posting it.

About the author

Barbara F. Meltz is a freelance writer, parenting consultant, and author of "Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Understanding How Your Children See the World." She won several awards for her weekly "Child Caring" column in the Globe, including the 2008 American Psychological Association Print Excellence award. Barbara is available as a speaker for parent groups.

Submit a question for Barbara's Mailbag


Ask Barbara a question

Barbara answers questions on a wide range of topics, including autism, breastfeeding, bullying, discipline, divorce, kindergarten, potty training, sleep, tantrums, and much, much more.

Send your questions to her at:
meltzbarbara (at) gmail.com.
Please include your name and hometown.

Child in Mind

Moms
All parenting discussions
Discussions

High needs/fussy baby

memes98 writes "My 10.5 month old DS has been fussy ever since he was born, but I am getting very frustrated because I thought he would be much better by now...has anyone else been through this?"

More community voices

Child in Mind

Corner Kicks

Dirty Old Boston

Mortal Matters

On Deck

TEDx Beacon Street

RSS feed


click here to subscribe to
Child Caring

archives