I have found myself in a very awkward situation with the mother of my son's friend. First, I read in the local police log that she had been arrested for trying to fraudulently obtain prescription drugs. That truly surprised me, as I would never have guessed she might have a drug problem. She had a job, a husband and seemingly middle class life.
However, I have noticed missing bottles of medication from my bathroom (my prescription medication) after she visits. I also noticed that the times she has been to my house, she asks to use the bathroom, even if she is just picking up her son.
So, I have already relocated my medicines to another place in the house to avoid any more theft. However, I do not feel I can trust her with my son. At this point, my husband and I agree that her son can come over for playdates but no playdates at the friend's house. Do you have any further thoughts or advice about this odd situation? I'm really not certain about talking to her about this, since I think she will just deny everything.
From: Kathode, Boston
Good for you for not dismissing the boys' friendship out of hand!
It's not like you're dealing with rumor; the woman's name was in the police log -- and I assume you mean printed in the local paper, not that you were examining the log at the local cop shop. So this is about as public as it gets; it's the elephant in the room and she's surely waiting for someone to bring it up.
In fact, I think you owe it to her to say that you read about her in the paper; that you're sorry for her troubles/ problems; that you hope she will understand that you don't feel comfortable having your son under her supervision; that her son is welcome in your home. Your conversation doesn't need to be confrontational. If she denies it, just repeat what you've said: "I'm sorry; I'm just not comfortable with my boy at your house."
Frankly, I think the tougher issue is what to say to your son. (I wish you had mentioned how old the boys are, but I'm going to assume they are school age or younger.)
He only needs an explanation if he's old, or curious, enough to ask why he never goes to his friend's house. Your answer needs to be truthful because he may well repeat it to his friend. For instance, you can say his mom sometimes doesn't feel well but only if you know there's some truth to that. Alternatively, you could say you talked to his mom (which will now be true), and it's easier for the moms if the boys play at your house.
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