Mom is jealous of her nanny

Posted by Barbara F. Meltz  June 3, 2011 06:00 AM

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Dear Barbara,

My 4-year-old likes the nanny more than he likes me. She's live-out, and when she comes in the morning, he's more excited to see her than he is to see me when I come from work. I'm feeling left out. What should I do? Should I replace the nanny?

From: Sad, Providence, R.I.

Dear Sad,

This is far more common than you might expect and often it's more your perception than reality. How guilt-ridden are you feeling for having a nanny? Are you working more hours/days than you would like? Do you allow the time you spend with your child to be interrupted by cell, text, computer? Are you distracted by household responsibilities?

My first bit of advice is to make arrange your life at home so that you can give your child undivided attention. Turn off your devices. Assign your nanny some of your household responsibilities. Make sure the activities you're doing with your son are things he enjoys. Sometimes all it takes is sitting still and slowing down.

Here would be good reasons to get rid of your nanny: you think she's stealing from you; she's abusive to your child; she's neglectful, sloppy, slovenly; she's sleeping with your husband. That she loves your son and he loves her is not a good reason. In fact one of the most important aspects of quality child care is consistency of care-giving. You don't want a revolving door of caregivers in a child's life, and besides, it could happen with the next person, too.

You need to analyze why you're feeling so jealous. Chances are, this is about you, not about her. Be grateful your son has bonded. And keep this in mind: children know the difference between their parents and caregivers.

I have to add, I was off-and-on jealous of my caregiver (Toni -- are you out there?). She was with us for four years.

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24 comments so far...
  1. Dear Sad,

    Your child is 4. Your nanny is there to play with him. He knows that so of course he is excited. Its someone to play with. That doesn’t mean he likes the nanny more than you. I went through this with my son as well. What you have to try and remember, is you WANT your child to like the nanny. The nanny is there to play and care for your child. You want that relationship. What you are feeling is probably more guilt than anything else. Firing the nanny, isn’t going to solve that issue, because its always going to be there no matter who is caring for your child.
    Just wait until he becomes a teenager and you are playing second fiddle to friends and their social life.
    Best of luck!

    Posted by JeepersCripes June 3, 11 08:26 AM
  1. Booooo for even suggesting it, Sad. She's must be doing a great job and your first reaction is to put your own feelings ahead of your child's? Get a grip, or some therapy, preferably both!

    Posted by sad about sad June 3, 11 08:28 AM
  1. Do not fire your nanny. Why on earth would you punish her and your son just because you feel like he likes her more than you? You need to look at it this way- Your son probably spends more of his waking hours with her than with you. It is what it is. The fact that he's well cared for and excited to see her is a good thing. She's doing her job and doing it well.

    I think you need to look inward as to what the problem is. This sounds like a major case of mom-guilt. As the article said- make your time w/ him count. Turn off all distractions when you're with him and make him top priority. Maybe take days off of work as a surprise to spend quality one on one time with him. Make weekends unplugged and all about him. Either that, or perhaps you need to look at wether or not climbing the ladder at work is more of a priority than being with him. We all think we can "have it all". we can't.

    Posted by amy O June 3, 11 08:33 AM
  1. I was a nanny for several years. Just because you aren’t around all day, doesn’t mean you aren’t on your baby’s mind. One baby that I took care of was my favorite little buddy. He would get so excited when I showed up. I was his buddy and playmate (and caretaker, of course). But that doesn’t mean he didn’t know who his mommy was. During the day when she was gone, I was his best friend - until he bumped his knee or fell down, then the tears would start and all he wanted was mommy. He would also go around the house and point to pictures of her and say “mumma!” and would often kiss the picture. It was so sweet! So don’t worry, you baby knows the difference and doesn’t forget you when you’re gone.

    Posted by Leila7746 June 3, 11 08:36 AM
  1. You are thinking about getting rid of a caregiver who is good at what she does and your child loves and respects her back?Seriously? Is this a fake letter?

    Posted by jd June 3, 11 08:40 AM
  1. If you work, you want kind, caring, compassionate people supporting and loving your child -- you have that, be grateful, it can be an elusive goal.

    If you can, reduce your hours and spend more time with your child, and shut off your Blackberry, cell phone, email, etc. and give your child your attention -- it's good for both of you.

    Decide if having a nanny is really what you want to do, or if it is possible to step off the career track for a few years and do it yourself -- it is rewarding, but it is also far more work than you think, it isn't all trips ot the park, the museum, the mall or fun things all the time, it is cleaning up the spilled milk, vaccuuming up the smashed Cheerios out of the carpet, wiping up the finger paint and the crayon that didn't quite stay in the lines, it is cleaning up vomit and smeared ketchup and 100000 Legos 3 times a day.

    Most of all, trust that your decision is the right one. If you are doing what is best for you and your child, then believe in yourself and your choices and don't second guess yourself.

    Posted by Inf June 3, 11 09:32 AM
  1. Sooooo, how do we know the LW is Mom and not Dad? Strangely, I think the comments would have gone easier on the LW if they thought it was Dad.

    Posted by geocool June 3, 11 09:58 AM
  1. Relax. You couldn't be luckier than to have a Nanny your child loves so much. Do not worry -- your child will always love you, his mother, most. More than 25 years ago my mother had a Nanny for my much younger sister whom she loved so much that people though they were mother and daughter when they went out. Today, that nanny, her husband and their now grown children are still a part of our family's life, celebrating holidays, weddings, etc. together. My own 4-year-old daughter never wants to leave her child care center when I go to pick her up. I know it doesn't mean she doesn't love me, it just means that I chose the right center, with great teachers, who are providing an amazing experience she loves. Finding great care for your child when you can't be there is one of any parent's greatest responsibilities. Consider this situation a great success and one of your own great parenting achievements.

    Posted by mandbmom June 3, 11 10:26 AM
  1. You explain to your son, that you PAY the nanny to play with him..It's her job. You explain to him, it's your job to be a mom.

    Posted by 42Giants June 3, 11 10:40 AM
  1. I was a nanny for many years, and this is a horrible reason to fire your child care provider. Please realize that this is a nanny and not a parent so regardless of how she reprimands your child she still seems like a fun, new person rather than just another supervisor.

    Explain this all to your nanny and ask her to pay attention to clues that your child is unhappy in your care. I can assure you he loves you just as much. However, if he says anything negetive about your or your lifestyle she should feel comfortable to voice her concerns to you.

    Together you make the best team to care for your child. Thank you lucky stars he loves her so much. She is an extension of your parenting.

    Posted by Kelley June 3, 11 10:42 AM
  1. As a former caregiver, I went through a similar situation. The mother would get crazy if her daughter skinned her knee and happened to run to me (I was closer) and a million things like that. I loved that little girl... but I ended up quitting because the mom's feelings were making it way too weird and stressful to work for her.

    Watch out that your insecurity doesn't scare away this nanny.

    Posted by suzieq June 3, 11 11:00 AM
  1. Thank you so much for this - cracked me right up:

    "Here would be good reasons to get rid of your nanny: you think she's stealing from you; she's abusive to your child; she's neglectful, sloppy, slovenly; she's sleeping with your husband."

    Perfect response. A little perspective goes a long way.... I hope this mom can take a breath and realize how lucky she is to have a competent, caring nanny for her little boy. I know how hard it is to juggle the demands of work and home, and to feel that your little guy is drifting away from you. Don't worry - he knows his mom, he loves you, you love him and he sounds like a happy, well-adjusted boy.

    Posted by CC June 3, 11 11:03 AM
  1. @geocool, we say it is a mom because the title is "Mom is Jealous of Her Nanny." And, as an aside, I wouldn't have more sympathy for a father. There is hardly a differences in Moms VS Dads these days, in most communities.

    Posted by Kelley June 3, 11 11:26 AM
  1. Simple advice, spend more time with your kid. Your nanny is the one raising your child, not you. Maybe you should reorganize the priorities in your life so you can spend more time with your child. Soon enough, your kid will be starting school, maybe you should take this next year or so off from work and raise your child yourself instead of paying someone else to do it. If you're paying for a full-time nanny, I'd be surprised if that wasn't an option you could afford. I have a couple friends who are nannies, every one of the mothers laments the relationship the nanny has with the child to some degree or another and every one of those mothers could leave work to be a full-time mom for a couple years until school starts. They choose to put their career first.

    Posted by Brendan June 3, 11 11:29 AM
  1. I know so many moms who have experienced this feeling. I think you have to assume that you will be taken for granted by your kids. That doesn't mean they don't love you. It's just that you are always there for them, like the air they breathe or the water they drink.

    Look at is this way: Suppose you take your child to Disney World for the first time, and he shows more excitement at meeting Mickey Mouse than he has ever shown to you. Do you then march out of there and take the next flight home? Or do you feel happy that you were able to provide something for your child that brought him so much joy?

    Posted by Carolyn June 3, 11 11:35 AM
  1. I think some of you need to lay off the LW. She has these feelings. She realizes that they may be irrational and she is seeking advice.
    I think a little jealousy of a caregiver is natural. Most of us aren't working to climb the ladder, but to put food on the table and pay the bills.
    My advice:
    I understand where you are coming from. But just like the nanny who posted said, your child does not forget you when you are gone. He may be excited to play with his nanny, but he still loves you. Focus on the time you have with him. Go to the park. Take walks. Blow bubbles. Color. Give him the best of yourself when you are with him.
    Good luck.

    Posted by cleareyesfullheart June 3, 11 11:47 AM
  1. When my child returns from boarding school, he is more excited to see the horse than he is me. He's a bit older (he's 8). Yet, I believe we have an understanding. I wouldn't be concerned.

    Posted by Dan Cleo June 3, 11 11:58 AM
  1. How selfish to think you'd want to fire the Nanny because your son gets along with her. Both my kids loves their provider and feel they are better off for it (15 and 11 years old). Check your own insecurities at door and feel lucky you have someone who does such a great job caring for your son.
    42Giants what a horrible idea to say that to a kid, why even bring the kin into it. He likes the nanny so you have to knock him down and make him feel bad. The worst advise I've ever read in my life.

    Posted by jwm218 June 3, 11 12:35 PM
  1. geocool: I can't think of a single father I know who would right such a hand-wringing, "HE DOESN'T LOOOOVE MEEEE HE LOVES HERRRRR" letter - and if it is a dad, it doesn't matter. The insecurity and willingness to sacrifice quality care because the parent in question is *jealous* is, to my mind, pathetic. Period.

    Posted by Phe June 3, 11 03:10 PM
  1. I grew up with a nanny and a mother, who also had other household help. I remember spending summer afternoons, and many evenings when my parents went out, leaving us in the care of the nanny, who was young, vivacious and fun, as my older sister and brother would attest. I remember the many games we played, the teasing my mischievous brother (about 8 at the time) used to dole out to her. I also remember watching my parents get ready to go out many an evening, fascinated by the way my mother used to style her hair, my father helping her with some last minute detail like the clasp on her necklace. Yet, not for one moment, then or since, do I ever remember mistaking my nanny for my mother. The bond is on a subconscious level, and though blood may be thicker than water, the invisible, dried out umbilical cord cannot be replaced, and is stronger than even mere affections based on blood alone. Though there was much affection for the nanny, the bond with my mother remains an eternal one.

    This poor mother has nothing to worry about, and everything to be grateful for. What can be a greater gift than to know that your child is well taken care of, and loved, while you cannot be there? And, believe me and the other posters here--your child knows the difference. Give him due credit and respect, even though he is small.

    Posted by MommaBear June 3, 11 08:08 PM
  1. At least if it were a dad writing in, we wouldn't be treated to one more diatribe about how working moms are neglecting their kids by hiring someone else to raise them, because they are horrible and selfish. Nobody tells working dads in a two working parent couple they are selfish, it's always the mom, and single moms have to work.

    This will happen all the time as he grows up--he will call you Mrs. Jones (his teacher's name) at the dinner table by mistake, tell you he wishes he could live at Johnny's house because his mom makes better brownies, and when you tell him to turn off the TV he will threaten to call Grandma to save him. Consider both him and yourself lucky that he will have many caring people in his life.


    other

    Posted by di June 3, 11 08:32 PM
  1. Ummmm...replace the nanny? So you can get a terrible one who scares him or worse? So he'll be scared and dread her arrival? Think about it... I think it would be better to have the woman who's doing such a great job. You love your son and want the best for him right? I'd keep this person in his life. As long as she's not making plays for your spouse, why not? The only thinkable choice is to work less so that you can be there yourself. If you can't do that or if you don't want to do that, then you want the best person for the job, right?

    Posted by Rosie June 3, 11 10:26 PM
  1. di: I didn't see one single comment here bashing working moms - or showing any more sympathy if this were a father writing the letter. It sounds like you have some of your own guilt to work through.

    Posted by phe June 7, 11 07:42 AM
  1. Dear Sad, I just want to say you're not alone. I also, sometimes, feel jealous of my daughter's nanny. (My daughter is 3 years old). That doesn't make us pathetic, selfish or crazy. It just makes us human. We love our children with all of our hearts, they are the absolute center of our universe, and of course, we wish we were loved the same way. And we are! But that doesn't mean there isn't room for anybody else in those little hearts :-).

    Whenever I feel this way, I try to think of how lucky I am to have found someone who loves my daugther, who takes good care of her and who has been able to connect with her. When I'm at work, I feel at peace knowing my daughter is well taken care of. At the end of the day, it's mommy who she wants when she falls or when she scratches a knee :-). She's MY daughter, and nothing is going to change that :-)

    A big hug for you! ~ Rosa

    Posted by Rosa Bindle May 22, 12 05:55 PM
 
24 comments so far...
  1. Dear Sad,

    Your child is 4. Your nanny is there to play with him. He knows that so of course he is excited. Its someone to play with. That doesn’t mean he likes the nanny more than you. I went through this with my son as well. What you have to try and remember, is you WANT your child to like the nanny. The nanny is there to play and care for your child. You want that relationship. What you are feeling is probably more guilt than anything else. Firing the nanny, isn’t going to solve that issue, because its always going to be there no matter who is caring for your child.
    Just wait until he becomes a teenager and you are playing second fiddle to friends and their social life.
    Best of luck!

    Posted by JeepersCripes June 3, 11 08:26 AM
  1. Booooo for even suggesting it, Sad. She's must be doing a great job and your first reaction is to put your own feelings ahead of your child's? Get a grip, or some therapy, preferably both!

    Posted by sad about sad June 3, 11 08:28 AM
  1. Do not fire your nanny. Why on earth would you punish her and your son just because you feel like he likes her more than you? You need to look at it this way- Your son probably spends more of his waking hours with her than with you. It is what it is. The fact that he's well cared for and excited to see her is a good thing. She's doing her job and doing it well.

    I think you need to look inward as to what the problem is. This sounds like a major case of mom-guilt. As the article said- make your time w/ him count. Turn off all distractions when you're with him and make him top priority. Maybe take days off of work as a surprise to spend quality one on one time with him. Make weekends unplugged and all about him. Either that, or perhaps you need to look at wether or not climbing the ladder at work is more of a priority than being with him. We all think we can "have it all". we can't.

    Posted by amy O June 3, 11 08:33 AM
  1. I was a nanny for several years. Just because you aren’t around all day, doesn’t mean you aren’t on your baby’s mind. One baby that I took care of was my favorite little buddy. He would get so excited when I showed up. I was his buddy and playmate (and caretaker, of course). But that doesn’t mean he didn’t know who his mommy was. During the day when she was gone, I was his best friend - until he bumped his knee or fell down, then the tears would start and all he wanted was mommy. He would also go around the house and point to pictures of her and say “mumma!” and would often kiss the picture. It was so sweet! So don’t worry, you baby knows the difference and doesn’t forget you when you’re gone.

    Posted by Leila7746 June 3, 11 08:36 AM
  1. You are thinking about getting rid of a caregiver who is good at what she does and your child loves and respects her back?Seriously? Is this a fake letter?

    Posted by jd June 3, 11 08:40 AM
  1. If you work, you want kind, caring, compassionate people supporting and loving your child -- you have that, be grateful, it can be an elusive goal.

    If you can, reduce your hours and spend more time with your child, and shut off your Blackberry, cell phone, email, etc. and give your child your attention -- it's good for both of you.

    Decide if having a nanny is really what you want to do, or if it is possible to step off the career track for a few years and do it yourself -- it is rewarding, but it is also far more work than you think, it isn't all trips ot the park, the museum, the mall or fun things all the time, it is cleaning up the spilled milk, vaccuuming up the smashed Cheerios out of the carpet, wiping up the finger paint and the crayon that didn't quite stay in the lines, it is cleaning up vomit and smeared ketchup and 100000 Legos 3 times a day.

    Most of all, trust that your decision is the right one. If you are doing what is best for you and your child, then believe in yourself and your choices and don't second guess yourself.

    Posted by Inf June 3, 11 09:32 AM
  1. Sooooo, how do we know the LW is Mom and not Dad? Strangely, I think the comments would have gone easier on the LW if they thought it was Dad.

    Posted by geocool June 3, 11 09:58 AM
  1. Relax. You couldn't be luckier than to have a Nanny your child loves so much. Do not worry -- your child will always love you, his mother, most. More than 25 years ago my mother had a Nanny for my much younger sister whom she loved so much that people though they were mother and daughter when they went out. Today, that nanny, her husband and their now grown children are still a part of our family's life, celebrating holidays, weddings, etc. together. My own 4-year-old daughter never wants to leave her child care center when I go to pick her up. I know it doesn't mean she doesn't love me, it just means that I chose the right center, with great teachers, who are providing an amazing experience she loves. Finding great care for your child when you can't be there is one of any parent's greatest responsibilities. Consider this situation a great success and one of your own great parenting achievements.

    Posted by mandbmom June 3, 11 10:26 AM
  1. You explain to your son, that you PAY the nanny to play with him..It's her job. You explain to him, it's your job to be a mom.

    Posted by 42Giants June 3, 11 10:40 AM
  1. I was a nanny for many years, and this is a horrible reason to fire your child care provider. Please realize that this is a nanny and not a parent so regardless of how she reprimands your child she still seems like a fun, new person rather than just another supervisor.

    Explain this all to your nanny and ask her to pay attention to clues that your child is unhappy in your care. I can assure you he loves you just as much. However, if he says anything negetive about your or your lifestyle she should feel comfortable to voice her concerns to you.

    Together you make the best team to care for your child. Thank you lucky stars he loves her so much. She is an extension of your parenting.

    Posted by Kelley June 3, 11 10:42 AM
  1. As a former caregiver, I went through a similar situation. The mother would get crazy if her daughter skinned her knee and happened to run to me (I was closer) and a million things like that. I loved that little girl... but I ended up quitting because the mom's feelings were making it way too weird and stressful to work for her.

    Watch out that your insecurity doesn't scare away this nanny.

    Posted by suzieq June 3, 11 11:00 AM
  1. Thank you so much for this - cracked me right up:

    "Here would be good reasons to get rid of your nanny: you think she's stealing from you; she's abusive to your child; she's neglectful, sloppy, slovenly; she's sleeping with your husband."

    Perfect response. A little perspective goes a long way.... I hope this mom can take a breath and realize how lucky she is to have a competent, caring nanny for her little boy. I know how hard it is to juggle the demands of work and home, and to feel that your little guy is drifting away from you. Don't worry - he knows his mom, he loves you, you love him and he sounds like a happy, well-adjusted boy.

    Posted by CC June 3, 11 11:03 AM
  1. @geocool, we say it is a mom because the title is "Mom is Jealous of Her Nanny." And, as an aside, I wouldn't have more sympathy for a father. There is hardly a differences in Moms VS Dads these days, in most communities.

    Posted by Kelley June 3, 11 11:26 AM
  1. Simple advice, spend more time with your kid. Your nanny is the one raising your child, not you. Maybe you should reorganize the priorities in your life so you can spend more time with your child. Soon enough, your kid will be starting school, maybe you should take this next year or so off from work and raise your child yourself instead of paying someone else to do it. If you're paying for a full-time nanny, I'd be surprised if that wasn't an option you could afford. I have a couple friends who are nannies, every one of the mothers laments the relationship the nanny has with the child to some degree or another and every one of those mothers could leave work to be a full-time mom for a couple years until school starts. They choose to put their career first.

    Posted by Brendan June 3, 11 11:29 AM
  1. I know so many moms who have experienced this feeling. I think you have to assume that you will be taken for granted by your kids. That doesn't mean they don't love you. It's just that you are always there for them, like the air they breathe or the water they drink.

    Look at is this way: Suppose you take your child to Disney World for the first time, and he shows more excitement at meeting Mickey Mouse than he has ever shown to you. Do you then march out of there and take the next flight home? Or do you feel happy that you were able to provide something for your child that brought him so much joy?

    Posted by Carolyn June 3, 11 11:35 AM
  1. I think some of you need to lay off the LW. She has these feelings. She realizes that they may be irrational and she is seeking advice.
    I think a little jealousy of a caregiver is natural. Most of us aren't working to climb the ladder, but to put food on the table and pay the bills.
    My advice:
    I understand where you are coming from. But just like the nanny who posted said, your child does not forget you when you are gone. He may be excited to play with his nanny, but he still loves you. Focus on the time you have with him. Go to the park. Take walks. Blow bubbles. Color. Give him the best of yourself when you are with him.
    Good luck.

    Posted by cleareyesfullheart June 3, 11 11:47 AM
  1. When my child returns from boarding school, he is more excited to see the horse than he is me. He's a bit older (he's 8). Yet, I believe we have an understanding. I wouldn't be concerned.

    Posted by Dan Cleo June 3, 11 11:58 AM
  1. How selfish to think you'd want to fire the Nanny because your son gets along with her. Both my kids loves their provider and feel they are better off for it (15 and 11 years old). Check your own insecurities at door and feel lucky you have someone who does such a great job caring for your son.
    42Giants what a horrible idea to say that to a kid, why even bring the kin into it. He likes the nanny so you have to knock him down and make him feel bad. The worst advise I've ever read in my life.

    Posted by jwm218 June 3, 11 12:35 PM
  1. geocool: I can't think of a single father I know who would right such a hand-wringing, "HE DOESN'T LOOOOVE MEEEE HE LOVES HERRRRR" letter - and if it is a dad, it doesn't matter. The insecurity and willingness to sacrifice quality care because the parent in question is *jealous* is, to my mind, pathetic. Period.

    Posted by Phe June 3, 11 03:10 PM
  1. I grew up with a nanny and a mother, who also had other household help. I remember spending summer afternoons, and many evenings when my parents went out, leaving us in the care of the nanny, who was young, vivacious and fun, as my older sister and brother would attest. I remember the many games we played, the teasing my mischievous brother (about 8 at the time) used to dole out to her. I also remember watching my parents get ready to go out many an evening, fascinated by the way my mother used to style her hair, my father helping her with some last minute detail like the clasp on her necklace. Yet, not for one moment, then or since, do I ever remember mistaking my nanny for my mother. The bond is on a subconscious level, and though blood may be thicker than water, the invisible, dried out umbilical cord cannot be replaced, and is stronger than even mere affections based on blood alone. Though there was much affection for the nanny, the bond with my mother remains an eternal one.

    This poor mother has nothing to worry about, and everything to be grateful for. What can be a greater gift than to know that your child is well taken care of, and loved, while you cannot be there? And, believe me and the other posters here--your child knows the difference. Give him due credit and respect, even though he is small.

    Posted by MommaBear June 3, 11 08:08 PM
  1. At least if it were a dad writing in, we wouldn't be treated to one more diatribe about how working moms are neglecting their kids by hiring someone else to raise them, because they are horrible and selfish. Nobody tells working dads in a two working parent couple they are selfish, it's always the mom, and single moms have to work.

    This will happen all the time as he grows up--he will call you Mrs. Jones (his teacher's name) at the dinner table by mistake, tell you he wishes he could live at Johnny's house because his mom makes better brownies, and when you tell him to turn off the TV he will threaten to call Grandma to save him. Consider both him and yourself lucky that he will have many caring people in his life.


    other

    Posted by di June 3, 11 08:32 PM
  1. Ummmm...replace the nanny? So you can get a terrible one who scares him or worse? So he'll be scared and dread her arrival? Think about it... I think it would be better to have the woman who's doing such a great job. You love your son and want the best for him right? I'd keep this person in his life. As long as she's not making plays for your spouse, why not? The only thinkable choice is to work less so that you can be there yourself. If you can't do that or if you don't want to do that, then you want the best person for the job, right?

    Posted by Rosie June 3, 11 10:26 PM
  1. di: I didn't see one single comment here bashing working moms - or showing any more sympathy if this were a father writing the letter. It sounds like you have some of your own guilt to work through.

    Posted by phe June 7, 11 07:42 AM
  1. Dear Sad, I just want to say you're not alone. I also, sometimes, feel jealous of my daughter's nanny. (My daughter is 3 years old). That doesn't make us pathetic, selfish or crazy. It just makes us human. We love our children with all of our hearts, they are the absolute center of our universe, and of course, we wish we were loved the same way. And we are! But that doesn't mean there isn't room for anybody else in those little hearts :-).

    Whenever I feel this way, I try to think of how lucky I am to have found someone who loves my daugther, who takes good care of her and who has been able to connect with her. When I'm at work, I feel at peace knowing my daughter is well taken care of. At the end of the day, it's mommy who she wants when she falls or when she scratches a knee :-). She's MY daughter, and nothing is going to change that :-)

    A big hug for you! ~ Rosa

    Posted by Rosa Bindle May 22, 12 05:55 PM
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About the author

Barbara F. Meltz is a freelance writer, parenting consultant, and author of "Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Understanding How Your Children See the World." She won several awards for her weekly "Child Caring" column in the Globe, including the 2008 American Psychological Association Print Excellence award. Barbara is available as a speaker for parent groups.

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Send your questions to her at:
meltzbarbara (at) gmail.com.
Please include your name and hometown.

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High needs/fussy baby

memes98 writes "My 10.5 month old DS has been fussy ever since he was born, but I am getting very frustrated because I thought he would be much better by now...has anyone else been through this?"

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