I'm hoping you can point me to your column about kids who are late to potty train. My daughter turned 3 in May and is still in Pull Ups. I have tried to not make this a power struggle and let her go at her own pace, but I am getting a lot of pressure from her daycare. She was not allowed to move up into the next preschool room and her teachers tell me she is the oldest girl they've ever seen who isn't potty trained.
From: MC, Wakefield
Here's the column. I gotta say, it bothers me that daycare wouldn't move her ahead; frankly, the pressure of being with her age-mates who are in underwear might just have done the trick, plus keeping her with kids she likely identifies as "babies" feels really punitive and shaming to me. I know daycare can't be bothered with changing diapers after a point, but that isn't even what you're talking about. Also, it is up to the individual center to set its own policy regarding toileting. Most centers are flexible. Yours obviously is not.
Since she is almost 3 1/2, I have several thoughts for you:
1. Have you talked with your pediatrician? Before you go any further, rule out the possibility of constipation or any other medical issue.
2. Pull-ups may be the problem; they satisfy a child's need for feeling grown-up without the consequences of underwear. If she meets pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton's seven signs of readiness, I'd consider shopping for big girl underpants and making the switch. Yeah, she might have an accident or two. Big deal.
3. Lastly, assuming you've ruled out a medical or developmental problem, don't worry and stay the course. She'll get there.
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