Fighting? Your boyfriend gets upset with you because a toddler is not receptive to him? Vice-versa? Hopefully neither of you are getting upset with HER?!?

Children have minds of their own. Toddlers are old enough to have opinions and emotions, but too young to talk about them rationally. Listen to her wishes, try to understand and accommodate her needs. Eventually she'll be old enough that you can talk through these things -- but a few years after that she'll be a teen and probably won't want to listen anyways.

Just try to understand how you would feel if your mother pushed you together with a "nice man" and wouldn't understand why you weren't receptive to the idea? She is probably feeling a bit like that right now.

your "current boyfriend"? How many BF's have you brought home to her? It has only been a year since you've been with him? Seems that to some people, their love lives are more important then their kids. It seems to be the new "norm". Sorry that I am being judge-y.Your daughter probably thinks that he's an Ahole and she is probably right! How many stories do we read about how mommy's BF is abusing her kids in some way or another????? 3 year olds are smarter than adults give them credit for.

Why is the first consideration raised that the guy is a secret child abuser, or at least mean? Of course that is a possibility, but does it need to be the first thing on people's minds all the time?

Boy, we're really putting an emphasis on one word, here. She said current, yes, but maybe that's because she dated men before that never met her daughter and had no impact on her. The truth is-we don't know so let's stop projecting the worse case scenario on this woman. I am the product of a home were my Mother's boyfriend moved in a couple years after my father and she divorced. I was very young and very skeptical of him. Skip ahead 22 years and he's the man I danced with at my wedding during the father daughter dance. Barbara's advice is spot on. Let her adjust to him on her own terms. No child likes to feel forced into a relationship. Eventually, she'll grow used to him and realize the benefits of having him around-making her laugh, fixing her a snack, being great for a hug. It should be on her terms, not yours.

She's only 3 and I really don't understand why she would think of him as anything other than a father figure. She's not comprehending that he's not her father. While I think everyone's mind obviously jumps to some sort of abuse she may have faced at his hand or in the past, its very possible this is simply her "I prefer mommy stage" and the letter writer is just sensitive to it because he is not her father. He might be doing this if he were her birth father as well. My kids both went through phases were they preferred my husband to me and vice versa and would cry if the other did something. I think you do have to be careful not to read too much into the actions of 3 year olds. You don't want to miss something serious, but you also have to remember they aren't little adults and aren't capable of abstract thought and reasoning.

Part of me agrees with Barbara about letting him do less with her now. You are not married and you do not say if this relationship is expected to become permanent. However, if this is the man you end up marrying, he is going to pretty much become her father (or at least father figure) and will help you in raising her, so it is important for them to have a relationship.