Potty-trained at daycare, not at home.

Posted by Barbara F. Meltz  September 14, 2012 06:00 AM

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Hi Barbara!
I am having problems potty with potty training. My daughter will be 3 in November and is completely trained at daycare. She uses underwear and asks to use the potty when she has to go. At home, it's a different story. She refuses to even sit on the potty and won't even wear pull-ups, it's diapers only. I've tried setting a timer for 30 minutes and that works until about lunch time and then she will refuse to try anymore. I've done stickers and m&m's and prizes from the dollar store and nothing seems to help. Her brother is 1 month old and everyone seems to say it's because of him, but the problem was even before he came home. I will admit now that he is here the problem is worse because she seems to purposely hold it. An example of this is the other day we sat on the potty (after a bribe) for a good 15 minutes and then when we walked into the living room she went in her pants and looked at me and said " I tell you I only go on da potty at Ms. Annie's house". My thoughts now is to totally back off. My question is do I still send her to daycare in her undies? Do I try pull-ups or just use diapers at home? Is backing off really what I should do? Any help will be appreciated. Thanks!!

From: Rachael, Marshfield, MA


Dear Rachael,
This sounds like it's 100% a control issue. Somewhere along the line (and her developmental stage has a lot to do with this; don't just blame it on the pregnancy and baby), she recognized that the potty was the way for her to be in control of -- you!

So, yes, back off. When she's home, give her the choice: does she want to wear underpants, diapers or pull-ups? Tell her, "It's your body, and it's your decision." And here's what may sound like an off-the-wall suggestion: apologize to her for pushing her to use the potty when she wasn't ready. In their book, "Toilet Training the Brazelton Way," pediatricians T. Berry Brazelton and Joshua D. Sparrow say that can work magic.

You can still offer the potty (esp if you can see that she needs to go) but stop with the long sit-downs. If she does agree to try it, instead of bribes, read a story -- one -- while she's sitting there. Book is finished and no action? Ok, try again another time.

If you think she's holding it, there's the risk of constipation which can develop into a problem, so ask the pediatrician for a stool softener. That can head off constipation and also head off holding it.

If she has an accident, be matter-of-fact but include her in the clean up (!). Ask her to fetch the clean underwear from her drawer. Or to flush the toilet.

While you're struggling through this, keep in mind that it's normal to have regression. Sometimes, kids need to go full throttle into the regression before they can move forward. At some point, she will get tired of this because she knows she isn't a baby anymore. That will sooner rather than later if she feels she's in control.

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19 comments so far...
  1. Just adding this as a little side note, pullups are absolutely no different than diapers. No matter what people want to believe. When you start back up throw her in underwear and tell her no more diapers as diapers are for babies. If she wets herself, well she does, clean it up and say nothing. Hopefully that in itself will make her feel icky and not want to do that again.

    Posted by jd September 14, 12 07:13 AM
  1. Hello, I had the same issue with my daughter, who was trained by the time she was 2.5 years old at the daycare but refused to at home until she was 3.... In your case, it does look like it is a control issue, but with my daughter she had this weird idea that she only needs to go at the daycare and not at home. I did speak to her teacher once (who is awesome) and she gently spoke to my daughter that she needs to go at home and not just at the school (daycare). Maybe it is a good idea talking to her teacher to see what the problem could be? Good luck with everything, I hope it works out for you soon.

    Posted by PatsFan#1 September 14, 12 08:10 AM
  1. APOLOGIZE to the child?? Are you kidding me?? Talk about being in control -- you've now just handed her ALL the keys to the kingdom. Give me a break, please. You can't reward behavior like this -- if she wets or poops in her underwear, well then, she's going to be uncomfortable. Giving her the easy out of diapers/pullups (which ARE the same) is not going to help the cause.

    Years ago, kids were toilet trained much sooner and why? Because mothers didn't want to be washing diapers all the time. Nowadays, with the disposable diapers, it seems to be much more acceptable to find even 5 year olds who aren't trained.

    Posted by Annette September 14, 12 11:36 AM
  1. "If she wets herself, well she does, clean it up and say nothing."

    This is the key. Let it be her decision, not yours. Underwear only -- and if she makes a mess you quietly mop it up without fuss or recrimination. Let her ask to be changed. She will quickly decide that it is more fun to go on the potty than to wet her pants.

    Posted by TF September 14, 12 12:27 PM
  1. As a Mom of 3 I feel your pain but also feel you are allowing her too much control over the situation. Very simply explain she is a big girl now & no longer needs diapers. She knows how to use the potty but is choosing not to. Take that choice away. Give the diapers away so that you're not tempted to use them (or in my case, Daddy wanted to give in). No bribes either - that only empowers her further. Good luck!

    Posted by My3sons September 14, 12 01:01 PM
  1. Absolutely ridiculous. Unless a kid has a disability of some kind they ought to be able to use the toilet consistently around 2 1/2 to 2 3/4.

    Never, ever make toileting or not a choice. We don't give a child a choice about walking, talking, eating with utensils, etc. and you don't hear about kids 3 or 4 with Walking Refusal or Spoon Resistance. We don't wait until the kid decides they are "ready" to do those things, we introduce them as a matter of course...this is what people do and you are going to try it out.

    And have their experience be as much like everyone else's as possible. Do not have them camp out on the potty for an hour with a book or game in case they feel like going. You go when you have to go. Use an actual toilet with a potty seat or if you absolutely must use a potty in the bathroom. Nobody else in the house relieves themselves in a bucket in the living room or Heaven forbid, the kitchen. You don't have anyone ringing a potty bell every hour to "try". Then it's Mommy trained not the kid.

    The only time to have a kid "try" is right before bed and right before heading out the door.

    The only legitimate purpose of pull-ups is as backup for a training or newly trained kid in a situation in which accidents are possible because it's hard to get to a toilet in time--long car ride, airplane, long event that's hard to get out of; or for naps/overnight if they're not dry sleeping yet, especially if they are sleeping overnight in a bed that's not yours such as Grandma's or a hotel. You put them on OVER the underpants as a clear message that they're just in case.

    Posted by di September 14, 12 03:39 PM
  1. Yikes, a lot of strong advise. Kids are different, do what feels right to you. I do think that it is a control issue, but there are lots of ways to work with her to get her comfortable going to the bathroom at home. We dealt with the exact same issue with our son. It has gotten better over the past few months, but he still likes that little bit of control.

    Posted by Ben September 14, 12 03:49 PM
  1. Well, doing what feels right to them is how they got in this fix in the first place, so maybe it's time to do something that hadn't occurred to them or that they might not originally have thought best.purplecow89's profile |

    As for kids being "different," yes there are variations but there is a pretty well identifiable range of normal/usual. (If there weren't we would not be able to have a category or diagnosis of disability, or the concept of intervention, no?) Kids in diapers at 3 to 4 because they don't feel like going on the toilet when they are perfectly capable of it is outside of that range.

    Posted by di September 14, 12 06:42 PM
  1. As someone who's mom is an early childhood education teacher, 3 years old is the average age of a child who is ready to be potty trained. Many time before this a child may not fully understand or be fully capable. Boys tend to take a bit longer than the average. Girls tend to be much easier. In this instance however it sounds exactly is - a control issue. My daughter is strong willed as well. Good luck!

    Posted by Stacy September 15, 12 09:42 AM
  1. 1) Sounds like you rewarded before she even went to the potty. First required action and then reward.
    2) Have a no more diaper celebration (don't many parents do this w/pacifiers?) and put them outside so they can't be taken to the next kid who needs them.
    3) Promote the role of big sister and how much fun it is to have quite book time and game time when you don't have to be changing diapers.
    4) If you choose to switch 100% to underpants I have a great trick for nighttime. Make the bed w/a mattress pad, fitted sheet and then another mattress pad and another fitted sheet. That way if an accident does occur you just have to remove the top layer for washing and you are able to quickly resettle your child for the night.

    Posted by ebetha September 15, 12 10:54 AM
  1. First - I wish you success!
    It is a difficult and long road for many. Here is what worked for us...

    My daughter has had access to a potty (seat on the adult toilet) since 18 months and used it sporadically until she was just over 2 yrs old. (Her baby brother was two months old when she started so this was tricky to do while holding a newborn but we did it). I would put her on more and more frequently as her curiosity grew. Soon after she started making the connection to the feeling of having to go rather than me put her on at a set interval of time. I never kept her there for long and simply said - "good try! we'll try again next time" with a very proud of you smile.

    At two we made a big deal about purchasing her underwear - I showed her some choices online so we could look together without distraction (her one year old brother can make lengthy shopping decisions tough). Then we went to the store and purchased them. She chose My Little Pony and we talked about how both she and the Ponies won't like to feel cold and wet. This made an impression on her. She uses the potty at least ten times a day all upon her request and she goes every single time!

    Sometimes you have to make compromises (ours is to allow her a diaper to poop - she asks for one before she goes). Although I don't want this to be a crutch the fact that she is aware of what her body is doing and speaks up is a good thing and I know that in time she will do both on the potty. My point is that you have to allow yourself and your child a little give and take along the way to the ultimate goal - which is an very fundamental and important life skill! Not to mention we save a ton on diapers now!

    Posted by Jenn O'Connor September 15, 12 10:57 AM
  1. "It's your body, and it's your decision."

    Apparently the author forgets we are dealing with a child under three years old. I hope this view (more like a political punchline) does not spill over into matters of hygiene, nutrition, use of car seats/safety and medical decisions. While it is true that a child's body is her own, it is also true that a child does not have the capacity to make completely independent decisions in regard to her body, and that the parent is ultimately responsible for the child's care.

    Posted by david September 16, 12 09:07 AM
  1. I'm in a similar situation with my soon to be three year old son. My question though is this: Do we continue with the potty training at the sitter's house and back off here at home? Or back off the training in both homes?

    Posted by Catherine September 16, 12 09:27 AM
  1. I feel for you -- potty training is frustrating! My son did not want to stop using pull-ups or diapers. Frankly, they are just "too comfortable" -- no wetness felt! Finally, I had him wear underwear and "threw out" the baby diapers, and only used pull-ups at night. Then, when he wet himself and wanted to be changed, I told him I would help him in a few minutes (I had a younger child at the time). Waiting in the unpleasantly wet/dirty underpants was the element that finally put him on the right track. If you change your child too quickly, they are "comfortable" again -- and YOU are under THEIR control. And make no mistake, it is definitely about control and attention. BTW, my daughter, who was much easier to train, used to ask to use the bathroom when she did NOT need to -- frequently when I was on the phone or in a meeting (we were house hunting when she was training) Again I'm convinced, that was just for control as well. My childeren are now late teens/early 20's and both never wear pull-ups anymore. :-) This too shall pass! I like idea of an earlier commenter to wear pull-ups OVER underwear at night -- again, the pull-ups are just "too comfortable" and discourge using the toilet. I think many of us who were babies before there were disposable diapers were trained earlier than today's kids because cloth diapers are just too uncomfortable when wet!

    Posted by susan September 16, 12 12:33 PM
  1. Annette -
    You can apologize to a child (or an adult for that matter) without giving "all the keys to the kingdom."
    Really. Please give that some thought.

    Posted by ron September 16, 12 04:01 PM
  1. Here's an unorthodox suggestion for the "I'll pee on the potty but I won't poop on the potty" problem. Our son took the lead on peeing in the potty at 2 years 4 months, but he wanted to poop in his underpants. (Not diapers - he thought that was babyish. He just wanted to hide in the corner and go in his underpants. For some reason he seemed to be worried about letting the poop fall away from his body.) We finally tried an unconventional solution. One day when we guessed he was about to poop, we put big sheets of paper all over the bathroom floor, took his pants off, went in the bathroom together, and just hung around. He had access to a potty, but we didn't try to make him sit on it. He became a bit agitated about not having something covering his behind, but when nature called urgently, he just went on the paper. We cleaned it up without any particular comment.

    After that, he was over the hump. He had let his poop fall away from his body, and nothing terrible had happened. He wasn't afraid anymore, and he was using the potty to poop within about a day.

    Posted by Carol September 16, 12 04:47 PM
  1. My daughter was the same and even though at three she would go off and on the potty she refused to use anything but pull ups and then would just pee in them for most of the day. I finally told her that once we ran out of the pull ups and I showed her the bag everyday that it was time for her to use her undies. After a week she was potty trained. Of course she was over three and I knew she knew how to do it she was just refusi g to do it with me. I did tell her it was her decision to go pee but that every time she went she was going to help me clean up the floor and her and get her panties out of the bottom drawer. I felt actually telling her she was in control had the effect of making her pee in the potty. Kids and reverse psychology works wonders! Good luck and don't worry so much I doubt he will go to kindergarten in diapers. Also don't worry about the negative feedback kids are kids we all have moments were we give in and others were we draw the line people forget that.

    Posted by Heather September 17, 12 10:04 AM
  1. First, I want to warn everyone that this suggestion is coming from a guy and not a woman. My daughter had the potty problem with her daughter (our grand daughter) who is the age of 3. She found out from her group of mothers that several had successfully tried (what I thought was) a rather radical idea...Have the child wear not panties or diapers for 3 days. She will make a mess on the floor (try to keep her off the carpet) but after the third day, they will go to the potty. As crazy as it sounds, it worked. Since she recently did this (and I warn you that the 3 days are difficult) there have been only an occassional accident.

    Posted by Michael September 17, 12 10:27 AM
  1. Michael, that's how my dear Mom did it - during the summer, outside on the patio. With a little potty available for use.

    I would tell your daughter that you are sad that she still wants to wear diapers at home but that that's ok if it is what she wants. Then put her in cloth diapers with rubber pants. NO EFFING DISPOSABLES OR PULL-UPS WITH LIGHT UP TRAINS FOR GODSWEETSAKE! And have pretty undies available (show them to her) for when she wants them.

    She'll come around.

    Posted by Dixie Lee September 18, 12 07:28 PM
 
19 comments so far...
  1. Just adding this as a little side note, pullups are absolutely no different than diapers. No matter what people want to believe. When you start back up throw her in underwear and tell her no more diapers as diapers are for babies. If she wets herself, well she does, clean it up and say nothing. Hopefully that in itself will make her feel icky and not want to do that again.

    Posted by jd September 14, 12 07:13 AM
  1. Hello, I had the same issue with my daughter, who was trained by the time she was 2.5 years old at the daycare but refused to at home until she was 3.... In your case, it does look like it is a control issue, but with my daughter she had this weird idea that she only needs to go at the daycare and not at home. I did speak to her teacher once (who is awesome) and she gently spoke to my daughter that she needs to go at home and not just at the school (daycare). Maybe it is a good idea talking to her teacher to see what the problem could be? Good luck with everything, I hope it works out for you soon.

    Posted by PatsFan#1 September 14, 12 08:10 AM
  1. APOLOGIZE to the child?? Are you kidding me?? Talk about being in control -- you've now just handed her ALL the keys to the kingdom. Give me a break, please. You can't reward behavior like this -- if she wets or poops in her underwear, well then, she's going to be uncomfortable. Giving her the easy out of diapers/pullups (which ARE the same) is not going to help the cause.

    Years ago, kids were toilet trained much sooner and why? Because mothers didn't want to be washing diapers all the time. Nowadays, with the disposable diapers, it seems to be much more acceptable to find even 5 year olds who aren't trained.

    Posted by Annette September 14, 12 11:36 AM
  1. "If she wets herself, well she does, clean it up and say nothing."

    This is the key. Let it be her decision, not yours. Underwear only -- and if she makes a mess you quietly mop it up without fuss or recrimination. Let her ask to be changed. She will quickly decide that it is more fun to go on the potty than to wet her pants.

    Posted by TF September 14, 12 12:27 PM
  1. As a Mom of 3 I feel your pain but also feel you are allowing her too much control over the situation. Very simply explain she is a big girl now & no longer needs diapers. She knows how to use the potty but is choosing not to. Take that choice away. Give the diapers away so that you're not tempted to use them (or in my case, Daddy wanted to give in). No bribes either - that only empowers her further. Good luck!

    Posted by My3sons September 14, 12 01:01 PM
  1. Absolutely ridiculous. Unless a kid has a disability of some kind they ought to be able to use the toilet consistently around 2 1/2 to 2 3/4.

    Never, ever make toileting or not a choice. We don't give a child a choice about walking, talking, eating with utensils, etc. and you don't hear about kids 3 or 4 with Walking Refusal or Spoon Resistance. We don't wait until the kid decides they are "ready" to do those things, we introduce them as a matter of course...this is what people do and you are going to try it out.

    And have their experience be as much like everyone else's as possible. Do not have them camp out on the potty for an hour with a book or game in case they feel like going. You go when you have to go. Use an actual toilet with a potty seat or if you absolutely must use a potty in the bathroom. Nobody else in the house relieves themselves in a bucket in the living room or Heaven forbid, the kitchen. You don't have anyone ringing a potty bell every hour to "try". Then it's Mommy trained not the kid.

    The only time to have a kid "try" is right before bed and right before heading out the door.

    The only legitimate purpose of pull-ups is as backup for a training or newly trained kid in a situation in which accidents are possible because it's hard to get to a toilet in time--long car ride, airplane, long event that's hard to get out of; or for naps/overnight if they're not dry sleeping yet, especially if they are sleeping overnight in a bed that's not yours such as Grandma's or a hotel. You put them on OVER the underpants as a clear message that they're just in case.

    Posted by di September 14, 12 03:39 PM
  1. Yikes, a lot of strong advise. Kids are different, do what feels right to you. I do think that it is a control issue, but there are lots of ways to work with her to get her comfortable going to the bathroom at home. We dealt with the exact same issue with our son. It has gotten better over the past few months, but he still likes that little bit of control.

    Posted by Ben September 14, 12 03:49 PM
  1. Well, doing what feels right to them is how they got in this fix in the first place, so maybe it's time to do something that hadn't occurred to them or that they might not originally have thought best.purplecow89's profile |

    As for kids being "different," yes there are variations but there is a pretty well identifiable range of normal/usual. (If there weren't we would not be able to have a category or diagnosis of disability, or the concept of intervention, no?) Kids in diapers at 3 to 4 because they don't feel like going on the toilet when they are perfectly capable of it is outside of that range.

    Posted by di September 14, 12 06:42 PM
  1. As someone who's mom is an early childhood education teacher, 3 years old is the average age of a child who is ready to be potty trained. Many time before this a child may not fully understand or be fully capable. Boys tend to take a bit longer than the average. Girls tend to be much easier. In this instance however it sounds exactly is - a control issue. My daughter is strong willed as well. Good luck!

    Posted by Stacy September 15, 12 09:42 AM
  1. 1) Sounds like you rewarded before she even went to the potty. First required action and then reward.
    2) Have a no more diaper celebration (don't many parents do this w/pacifiers?) and put them outside so they can't be taken to the next kid who needs them.
    3) Promote the role of big sister and how much fun it is to have quite book time and game time when you don't have to be changing diapers.
    4) If you choose to switch 100% to underpants I have a great trick for nighttime. Make the bed w/a mattress pad, fitted sheet and then another mattress pad and another fitted sheet. That way if an accident does occur you just have to remove the top layer for washing and you are able to quickly resettle your child for the night.

    Posted by ebetha September 15, 12 10:54 AM
  1. First - I wish you success!
    It is a difficult and long road for many. Here is what worked for us...

    My daughter has had access to a potty (seat on the adult toilet) since 18 months and used it sporadically until she was just over 2 yrs old. (Her baby brother was two months old when she started so this was tricky to do while holding a newborn but we did it). I would put her on more and more frequently as her curiosity grew. Soon after she started making the connection to the feeling of having to go rather than me put her on at a set interval of time. I never kept her there for long and simply said - "good try! we'll try again next time" with a very proud of you smile.

    At two we made a big deal about purchasing her underwear - I showed her some choices online so we could look together without distraction (her one year old brother can make lengthy shopping decisions tough). Then we went to the store and purchased them. She chose My Little Pony and we talked about how both she and the Ponies won't like to feel cold and wet. This made an impression on her. She uses the potty at least ten times a day all upon her request and she goes every single time!

    Sometimes you have to make compromises (ours is to allow her a diaper to poop - she asks for one before she goes). Although I don't want this to be a crutch the fact that she is aware of what her body is doing and speaks up is a good thing and I know that in time she will do both on the potty. My point is that you have to allow yourself and your child a little give and take along the way to the ultimate goal - which is an very fundamental and important life skill! Not to mention we save a ton on diapers now!

    Posted by Jenn O'Connor September 15, 12 10:57 AM
  1. "It's your body, and it's your decision."

    Apparently the author forgets we are dealing with a child under three years old. I hope this view (more like a political punchline) does not spill over into matters of hygiene, nutrition, use of car seats/safety and medical decisions. While it is true that a child's body is her own, it is also true that a child does not have the capacity to make completely independent decisions in regard to her body, and that the parent is ultimately responsible for the child's care.

    Posted by david September 16, 12 09:07 AM
  1. I'm in a similar situation with my soon to be three year old son. My question though is this: Do we continue with the potty training at the sitter's house and back off here at home? Or back off the training in both homes?

    Posted by Catherine September 16, 12 09:27 AM
  1. I feel for you -- potty training is frustrating! My son did not want to stop using pull-ups or diapers. Frankly, they are just "too comfortable" -- no wetness felt! Finally, I had him wear underwear and "threw out" the baby diapers, and only used pull-ups at night. Then, when he wet himself and wanted to be changed, I told him I would help him in a few minutes (I had a younger child at the time). Waiting in the unpleasantly wet/dirty underpants was the element that finally put him on the right track. If you change your child too quickly, they are "comfortable" again -- and YOU are under THEIR control. And make no mistake, it is definitely about control and attention. BTW, my daughter, who was much easier to train, used to ask to use the bathroom when she did NOT need to -- frequently when I was on the phone or in a meeting (we were house hunting when she was training) Again I'm convinced, that was just for control as well. My childeren are now late teens/early 20's and both never wear pull-ups anymore. :-) This too shall pass! I like idea of an earlier commenter to wear pull-ups OVER underwear at night -- again, the pull-ups are just "too comfortable" and discourge using the toilet. I think many of us who were babies before there were disposable diapers were trained earlier than today's kids because cloth diapers are just too uncomfortable when wet!

    Posted by susan September 16, 12 12:33 PM
  1. Annette -
    You can apologize to a child (or an adult for that matter) without giving "all the keys to the kingdom."
    Really. Please give that some thought.

    Posted by ron September 16, 12 04:01 PM
  1. Here's an unorthodox suggestion for the "I'll pee on the potty but I won't poop on the potty" problem. Our son took the lead on peeing in the potty at 2 years 4 months, but he wanted to poop in his underpants. (Not diapers - he thought that was babyish. He just wanted to hide in the corner and go in his underpants. For some reason he seemed to be worried about letting the poop fall away from his body.) We finally tried an unconventional solution. One day when we guessed he was about to poop, we put big sheets of paper all over the bathroom floor, took his pants off, went in the bathroom together, and just hung around. He had access to a potty, but we didn't try to make him sit on it. He became a bit agitated about not having something covering his behind, but when nature called urgently, he just went on the paper. We cleaned it up without any particular comment.

    After that, he was over the hump. He had let his poop fall away from his body, and nothing terrible had happened. He wasn't afraid anymore, and he was using the potty to poop within about a day.

    Posted by Carol September 16, 12 04:47 PM
  1. My daughter was the same and even though at three she would go off and on the potty she refused to use anything but pull ups and then would just pee in them for most of the day. I finally told her that once we ran out of the pull ups and I showed her the bag everyday that it was time for her to use her undies. After a week she was potty trained. Of course she was over three and I knew she knew how to do it she was just refusi g to do it with me. I did tell her it was her decision to go pee but that every time she went she was going to help me clean up the floor and her and get her panties out of the bottom drawer. I felt actually telling her she was in control had the effect of making her pee in the potty. Kids and reverse psychology works wonders! Good luck and don't worry so much I doubt he will go to kindergarten in diapers. Also don't worry about the negative feedback kids are kids we all have moments were we give in and others were we draw the line people forget that.

    Posted by Heather September 17, 12 10:04 AM
  1. First, I want to warn everyone that this suggestion is coming from a guy and not a woman. My daughter had the potty problem with her daughter (our grand daughter) who is the age of 3. She found out from her group of mothers that several had successfully tried (what I thought was) a rather radical idea...Have the child wear not panties or diapers for 3 days. She will make a mess on the floor (try to keep her off the carpet) but after the third day, they will go to the potty. As crazy as it sounds, it worked. Since she recently did this (and I warn you that the 3 days are difficult) there have been only an occassional accident.

    Posted by Michael September 17, 12 10:27 AM
  1. Michael, that's how my dear Mom did it - during the summer, outside on the patio. With a little potty available for use.

    I would tell your daughter that you are sad that she still wants to wear diapers at home but that that's ok if it is what she wants. Then put her in cloth diapers with rubber pants. NO EFFING DISPOSABLES OR PULL-UPS WITH LIGHT UP TRAINS FOR GODSWEETSAKE! And have pretty undies available (show them to her) for when she wants them.

    She'll come around.

    Posted by Dixie Lee September 18, 12 07:28 PM
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Barbara F. Meltz is a freelance writer, parenting consultant, and author of "Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Understanding How Your Children See the World." She won several awards for her weekly "Child Caring" column in the Globe, including the 2008 American Psychological Association Print Excellence award. Barbara is available as a speaker for parent groups.

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