I was reading Fearless by Arianna Huffington and in it, there is a passage by a woman who was afraid of flying believing the plane she is on would crash until she realized it was very self centered and selfish of her to think that she would be on a that one in a million planes that have a problem and she realized her fear was not justified. Food for thought.

Being shaken up about it is one thing. But to get to the point where you don't want to take your kid out in public - well that's a sure fire way to produce yet another society-fearing, introverted child who is incapable of adjusting or dealing with anything. Sounds like she needs to be medicated a bit.

I faced the same concerns about my little ones going back to school in the days following the 9/11 tragedy. Last friday that 17 year old young woman and her 23 year old brother cried with me for the teachers and children in Newtown.(my son is now a teacher) Hardest thing I ever did at that time was get them dressed for school in the following weeks and days, but like Barbara said you can't let your fears (as real as they maybe) make your children afraid of the world. Instead resolve to help your child find ways throughout their childhood to help make the world a better place. As scared as I was after 9/11 I was proud when both my children were recognized by their schools for their charitable contributions to those around them.

Homeschool...it works. It may be temporary but no one should be forced to go somewhere that is perceived as unsafe.

My son is unaware of this tragedy, and I obviously intend to keep it that way.

So, you are locking him in a room without any human interaction with someone who might accidentally say something about it? Not letting guests in the house? Not allowing him to be any place where there might be a radio, television, newspaper, or magazine?

I can see making some effort not to have it discussed in any detail in front of him, sure. Not putting on the TV news about it, sure.

But to loudly and proudly declare that you are putting him in a bubble--and the "obviously" means that you think anyone not behaving as you do is wrong--I sure hope this is a put-on or an exaggeration, because if not your kid is going to grow up seriously unable to live in the world.

He's a preschooler, di, he should not be told about this and he likely won't find out for years, if ever! Three and four year-olds should not be exposed to this kind of tragedy. They aren't capable of understanding what happened. Even if they overhear other people talking they aren't likely to have a clue what they are talking about. And people aren't going to be talking about this tragedy all the time forever. Give it another week or two and you'll rarely hear anything about it.

I recommend Dan Gardner's book The Science of Fear for mom. Understanding what fuels our fears is a step toward stopping them from controlling our behavior. The statistical odds of being the victim of this sort of crime approach zero, but we *feel* they are much greater, and are tempted to act based on how we feel, and not the reality. The book helps to put risks in perspective. I highly recommend it.

mggio, I don't think three- and four-year-olds are the only ones incapable of understanding what happened in this tragedy...

LW is quite right not to expose the little one to this. His brain is not developed enough to process it. I can't understand why people could possibly think that preschoolers can process this when adults can't!

Only the children who are brought up to think that the world is a caring place will be shocked when they learn, gradually, that it is not. Only that sense of shock will lead them to do something about it (see Elieen's comment #3.) Those who are told or who experience that the world is a terrible place, think well, it's a terrible place and I have to be just as terrible to survive.

LW, your job as a parent is to be the person you want your child to be and not infect him with your fears. My husband is afraid of heights. I told him that he could not show our children his fear. Our daughter is a diver - she's gone off the high board (3M) since she was just little. She was afraid, but we always told her "if Mommy and Daddy tell you it's ok, even if it's scary, you can do it, because we would not tell you to do something you could not do."

From the beginning we said what she had to do and why "You have to hold my hand because this is a (parking lot, street, etc.) and it's dangerous." By telling her when it was dangerous, we could also tell her when it was not dangerous if she was careful. (We have told her you are never to dive off a platform! Who cares if there's one at the facility and your coach has Olympic medals in platform. It's too dangerous for you!) Yes my heart is in my mouth every time she does a twisting somersault a couple of inches from the board but what would be better - that she sits in her room for the rest of her life?

If you want a functioning child, you must model a functioning mom. If you truly can't pull it off, get help.

Not sure I understand the impulse to shield the young from knowledge of these events. Isn't it better to help them develop perspective? They pick up on the attitudes of the adults around them. If the adults react with sadness and compassion, not fear, then they will learn the same.

In truth, the world isn't a particularly safe place. It doesn't respond to our needs. Not saying we need to go out of our way to break the news to a toddler, but it is equally dangerous to let a child grow to be a teen without being emotionally prepared for these realities.

After 9/11, I thought about the flying I needed to do for work, and realized that 600,000 flights around the world had been grounded safely that day. Even after 9/11, flying was *still* by far the safest way to travel long distances.

I looked at the real risks of all my activities, and realized that the one thing I did that I hated doing, and that had a relatively high level of risk compared to other things I do, was commute on 128 daily. So I started commuting by back routes instead; it added about ten minutes to my day, and I liked the commute a lot more. I don't avoid 128 for occasional trips, I just don't travel it daily.

Millions of kids were happy and safe at school that day, as they are every day. Also, because of fast thinking and courageous action by people at the school, who kept the intercom open, responded to calls from teachers and staff, and made the calls to 911, and because of the fast response of the police, most of the 700 children who attend that school, and their teachers and staff, were also, ultimately, safe.

The vast, vast majority of people in this world are, in fact, dedicated to seeing that your son grows up safe, happy, and well. Just consider, I grew up playing on jungle gyms above concrete. Your son plays above sand, or wood chips, or recycled tires. Consider the people who put their careers into making that change. Consider that random strangers are extremely likely to: stop him from running into the street; unobtrusively make sure he waits for you in the supermarket; scan to make sure an obvious parent is present, if he seems to be alone.

The news reports distant, horrible things; that's what sells. And we can't protect ourselves, or our kids, from every risk. Some risks we can cut out; some risks go along with good things, or things we need, so we take them.

In fact, your boy is very, very likely to live to be an old, old man. Cut down on the news; it makes you feel a lot less safe than you really are. Instead, enjoy the boy.

A quote from Nelson Mandela:

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

If you respond to evil with love, your children will learn the same. If you respond to evil with fear and hate, your children will learn that instead. Which approach does your response exhibit?

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Teach your children this strength and they will be well prepared for adult life. Better prepared to confront evil than somebody who is shocked because the world isn't the soft fuzzy thing they were raised to expect.