Re size: Your child may just be slow to grow and will more or less catch up and an extra year is good for him. But what will you and the school do if he is one of those people who is genetically or medically destined to be permanently petite? How will that be dealt with in a sensitive yet practical way?

It sounds like this little boy will not "more or less catch up." Mom is saying he's developmentally, cognitively, and physically delayed by several years.

As the parent of a significantly delayed almost-8-year-old myself, I'm going to advise the letter writer to push for him to stay back, and have pull-out academics. It doesn't make sense to keep him with his age-peers if he's not able to learn at that level. Imagine him sitting at a desk for 30 minutes at a time with kids doing math and reading all around him while he sits there frustrated and upset... and not learning because it's all way over his head.

My school district has a separate program for my son and another cognitively impaired little kid for special ed academics, and they are keeping him in inclusion kindergarten for the social stuff (circle time, music, etc.) for the THIRD year. It is best for him, because even the 5-year-olds are way ahead of him. Kids in the same room can't be more than 48 months apart. That's a big range, and the rules are designed that way for kids like ours. "Social inclusion" makes sense for kids with a bit of a learning disability, not for kids who are several years behind at age 7.

First grade is a very, very hard transition for cognitively impaired kids. You need to decide whether he is going to be fully mainstreamed with maybe an aide, or whether he is going to be partial inclusion with pull-out academics. Then get ready to get adversarial, mama. Hire an advocate if you need to. You don't want him to go through a whole year in the wrong placement, just to have the same fight next year. Might as well get the fight over with now and get him placed correctly. Good luck!!!

I meant, he may eventually be average size, or he may top out at five feet, and you will eventually need to deal with that regardless of his learning and developmental issues...however his academic and social skills develop, to the best of his ability, you don't want people treating him as if he were younger just because he's small.

My parents pushed me ahead and I started kindergarten at four, and by six, after a crushing, violent divorce I was suddenly emotionally and academically delayed instead of ahead of the pack.

After a long fight to hold me back, my Mom took matters into her own hands and stuck me in a private school for a second round of first grade. She was a single parent so she got a decent scholarship but it still cost some serious money for her to do so.

A year later, I returned to the school I started in. The social aspect of being kept back was horrifying and handled very poorly by teachers and peers alike. On the other hand, all the teachers who had seen me struggle during my parent's divorce took my Mom aside and told her she had done the right thing.

I tell you this story for two reasons:

1. If you can manage it, and no one else will listen to you, pulling him out of that school and into a private school or another public school that will listen to you IS a viable option. It might not be cheap and it might involve moving, but it is out there. You have to do what you are sure is right for your son.

2. If you do that, be cautious about just sending him back to his old school after a year is up. It has to be handled sensitively, and I would advise that once he leaves a school and repeats a grade, I wouldn't send him back where he was. Even if the adults try to help, kids can be cruel.

We did this. The school initially recommended against it but ultimately went with our decision. It worked out great. That second year, with the same teacher, was much more productive because (a) the teacher knew my son's challenges and was able to be more proactive about addressing them and (b) my son had more time to get some basic skills in reading and math before proceeding, in our case, to 3rd grade.

The transition was a little tricky. We decided we wanted to let the kids in my son's class know that he was being retained because we felt that the kids would get over the news more quickly if they were told outright rather than having to figure it out gradually over time. My son's teacher was absolutely wonderful. She talked to the kids, with my son out of the room, about how everyone learns at a different rate, and some kids need additional time, and she felt really lucky because she got to have my son two years in a row. As a result of her support, my son got so much support from his peers. Academically, he has gotten stronger every year since, and we've never looked back.

It's not an easy decision, but the transition can be successful with the school's support. Good luck to you.

Public schools often don't like to retain kids... it costs them money.

You don't say what grade he's in now. First, presumably? Or is he in kindergarten? (As a parent, I'm not sure I'd want a kid who is 2 years older in my child's class, no matter how small or delayed. What if he experiences a growth spurt? Shaving in 7th grade?)

As a last resort, an evaluation by an independent, outside expert (psychologist/psychiatrist) might give you some leverage with the schools. But make sure you're thinking longer-term too-- what will be the effects 5+ years from now?