She might be too old for this, but since my kids first started being afraid of "monsters," I told them that all the monsters live on Sesame Street (they were about 2 and that was the only show they watched) and explained that since we don't live on Sesame Street, there couldn't be any monsters in our house. And then I took it a step further and reminded them that they LIKE the monsters on Sesame Street and we'd list all the monsters and talk about them being mostly nice and not scary. Now that they're almost four, if they bring up monsters, all I have to do is ask: "Where do all the monsters live?" When they respond "Sesame Street" I ask "Do we live on Sesame Street?" They respond "no" and I ask "how could there be any monsters here, then?" That doesn't stop them from being afraid of other things...shadows, ghosts, etc. but not having to deal with monster fears and doing it in a way that they can reassure themselves has worked well.

Have you tried some quiet music or a white noise-sound effect machine? If you are alone in the dark, every squeak and creak gets your attention. Get her a CD player and some instrumental music CD's.

Also, unless you are quite sure it's an unspoken monster fear, don't bring up monsters in particular. They'll latch on to your explanation because it will seem like what you want to hear, instead of expressing their actual problem

our 5 year old daughter was a super sleeper until a few months ago triggered, I think, by the death of not one but TWO pet fish in 24 hours! I also was able, with a lot of work, to get out of her that she was afraid of King Cavity, who is a scary cartoon character on a video they were showing at preK about dental care. We went back to playing lullabies (Putumayo's Dreamland CD) on repeat all night, and turning on her overhead lights at their lowest setting. She also chose a shirt of her daddy's to put over her pillow, and I wrote her a note to put under her pillow that is full of love and kisses for her to last through the night. She was part of figuring some of these things out, and others we suggested. We also talked about King Cavity being a silly cartoon and made fun of him, and I asked her, "King Cavity isn't real; but what's real that you can think of?" And we thought of Maru the cat videos! Which are fun and real. As well as thinking about people she loves, or fun things she did that day, or what she's looking forward to tomorrow, instead of thinking about silly King Cavity. She seems to have settled right back down into being a comfortable sleeper again, and no longer tells us that she's afraid of being without a grown-up.

You say you have a dog. Is it appropriate for the dog to stay upstairs with her until she falls asleep? I don't think it is unusual for people to like to feel close to their family. It may not be real fear - if you have one of those very big houses, it might just feel a little too empty upstairs alone.

Or what about a baby monitor in reverse, so she can hear you moving around elsewhere?

"Tell her you'd like her to try out being alone upstairs for two minutes. Ok, maybe three. Sorry -- the goal isn't for you to accomplish anything; it's for her to trust that you will return when you say and, yeah, to help her build the muscle to stay alone. Do it during the day the first time. Repeat, repeat, repeat, slowly, gradually. This is a process. It will take time. Give her some coping mechanisms: maybe she surrounds herself with some stuffed animals, to keep her company"

This was the method we used with our daughter and it worked.

One of my daughters was the same way for a long time. I used to sit in my room for a minute after she settled down at night, then tell her I needed to run downstairs for a minute and I'd be right back. When I came back, I'd let her know I was there. Then, I'd have to go swap some laundry -- be back in two minutes, et cetera, et cetera. Very similar to Barbara's method but would give her a concrete vision of what I needed to do. Over time, it worked well -- and I'd get a few things done while we were "transitioning."

BTW -- she's now a happy, smart, well-adjusted and secure junior in a college four states away. Although it feels like this "stay upstairs" will never end, it really, really does -- and then you miss it just a little.

Thanks so much, Barbara & everyone!