She works hard at school, is making good progress, and enjoys her activities. Where's the problem?

I have nothing to offer but kudos to Barbara. Letter writer you wanted a level headed response and you got one. What could anyone else add?

I slightly disagree about the "more than 10 minutes of homework is inappropriate in 1st grade." In my previous job, I came across a teacher handbook for a local public school that mandated a minimum of 45 minutes worth of homework for all grades, each night.

It might be developmentally inappropriate for the children, but if it's school policy, it's going to be very hard to fight.

Agree about easing up. One extracurricular activity a week is plenty at that age, and yes this is NOT the norm in some circles and communities. Our friends put their child into a different activity six days a week at age 6! Our kids at most only ever had two, even at the high school level. BUT we went through a ton of different lessons to find what each child had a special interest in, and then the money spent seemed worth it. Take your cues from your daughter. It's hard sometimes to let go of the things we wish we'd done as children. And it's hard to know where to set your own parental control boundaries with your first. So glad you wrote in for Barbara's good advice. Your daughter sounds like she's going to be just fine!

I may be mistaken, but isn't there a movement within education seeking to eliminate homework altogether? I may be misremembering, but I seem to recall that it is based on research showing that homework does not correlate to success in school.

There is a no-homework-at-all movement which is mostly a yuppie tantrum. If all the schools went no-homework they'd get together and start homework clubs.

I have a 1st and 2nd grader in Boston Public School. They have way more than 10 minutes worth of homework a night. I hate it. Luckily we're moving to the burbs in June. Of course theyll probably be loaded down with homework there too. We'll see.

Yes, unfortunately, a lot of it is just you. To me the school thing is a non-issue. She's doing fine, does her homework. She wants to go off and do fun stuff which is what a 6, almost 7 year old should do, that's why she's in a rush.

As far as activities, I think you are not only expecting too much of her, but of the activities. Have you been to a 6 year old's dance recital? Most of them don't know the dance and are still looking at the instructor who is doing the dance in front of the stage. Gymnastics at this age is a lot of running around and being goofy. This is not training for the Rockettes or the Olympics. The likelihood that your daughter will even make the high school team is probably pretty remote. If its too expensive and she doesn't seem to enjoy it then have her stop. Ask her what she wants to do.

You say she has been doing this for "years". I think your perspective if a little off. She's 6. At most she's been dancing for 3 years, and I guarantee the first two were hardly "dancing".

I think a few deep cleansing breaths are in order. There is nothing wrong with your daughter. She is a normal 6 year old, doing well in school and participating in an appropriate number of activities. Listen to the advice you give her...she doesn't have to be the best, so don't expect her to be. She probably is trying her best.

Well, I understand where the mother is coming from. Either she has under-achieved in her own life, because (she feels) she was not pushed or directed enough by her own parents, or she was a self-motivated go-getter, who can't understand her daughter's relaxed approach. And activities are expensive, so what's the point if they don't achieve anything?
My daughter did dance at 4 and 5. The first year was fun, but recital year(it happened every 2 years) was boring and repetitive...it had to be, if the teacher was going to get anything out of the group. My daughter stopped after that year. Now she does other activities, but I am always thinking, "OMG, she's not getting enough exercise, maybe she will become obese..." because this is what you are told constantly in the news.
And you are worried that if they don't start music soon enough, they will never have an ear for it. And if they don't read soon enough they won't get into the advanced classes later, and then they won't go to an Ivy league school. Yah, too right we are all stressed out about not doing the right level of "motivation".
I don't know if my "conversations" get me anywhere in pushing my daughter, but I'll tell you what has an effect; when their friend tells them that they are good at something, while the friend is good at something else, like sport. Then she gets annoyed enough by the implication to prove otherwise. The same peer pressure that pushes the parents to push the child.

Or basically, the writer is a Mom of Privilege, and if she isn't worrying about something, she must not be working hard enough. If there is nothing major to worry about, she will find something.

OK, LW here. I knew the barbs would come eventually. My two examples were merely examples. I said I don't harp, and I don't. I'm certainly not a mom of privilege. She asks to do about every activity she can think up, and I certainly can't afford to do everything. There are two, one with friends and one on her own. My concern was about her effort. She seems to stop herself from trying at anything. She has always been "slow to warm up" and doesn't have lots of confidence. I am trying my best to get her in situations where she can be successful and learn little by little that she is capable of lots more than she gives herself credit for. I love that she's silly and innocent and curious about things. But then she stops herself. Is it just she's not old enough for a good attention span? Is it that she doesn't like the activity? Of course I'm stressed and insecure. Even when seeking out simple advice there are accusations from others (other moms?) coming from everywhere.

"I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously."