I'm considering holding him back, but I'm not sure how to make that decision. The school he's in is great, but because he's on an IEP, I've been led to believe (by my own peers) that they will not consider holding him back with the same consideration as a typically developing student. His teachers have commented (lovingly) that he's a "very young" 6. (They mean emotionally.)

There seems to be so much polarizing information out there, I don't even know where to begin. To complicate things, his sibling is one grade behind, so if my son is held back, he would forever more be in the same grade as his brother; this decision impacts both of their lives in a very direct way.

My son is very sweet, bright and imaginative, and very sensitive emotionally. He doesn't have many friends his own age - somehow they are all a year or two older or younger.

My fear is that he will always be struggling to catch up, which will eventually wear away at his confidence and his ability to love learning.

I'm fearful of the "social stigma" of keeping him back a year, however there's no guarantee that he's not going to get picked on anyway because of his learning issues. In his mind, staying back a year might not be a big deal, but I don't dare ask him because I don't want to tip my hand, and he has no real power over this decision.

Can you point me towards some sources that would help me make this huge decision? Obviously, I'm fearful of making a mistake.

Thanks!
From: Kate in Southie, South Boston

I have two boys 4 years and 11 months. My four year old has attended a corporate daycare center near my work in MA since he was 19 months old. The commute from NH to MA is long, and the center is very expensive. After our second son was born, we finally realized it is not worth working for 500$ a week in daycare cost. We just switched both boys to a smaller, independent center near our home in NH. My younger son is thriving in the non-corporate, less crowded environment. My four year old is not thriving. He misses his friends, claims no one likes him, and has already had a physical spat with another boy. He does like the teachers and the environment, but I don't think he is open to making new friends, and the boys his age want nothing to do with the new kid. What can I do to ease the pain? I feel horrible. How much time is normal for a 4yo to transition? I just want to see him smiling and having fun again and not feel as though I've done him a horrible injustice!

Thanks,

From: Carolyn, Plaistow, NH

He has also became more clingy of me. If he notices me gone from the room at home for a while, he says I want mommy or if I leave him with daddy he is asking for me now. I'm not sure what to do? Should I leave him crying at preschool? I don't want him to feel abandoned by me and I'm not sure he even understands I will be back.

From: Tammy, Parkersburg (no state given)

My one year old daughter currently goes to a 'day mother' who has two other babies in her charge. My husband wants her to go to a crêche starting in January. I think they are both good options but I was wondering which option you think is better. The day mother is a very loving woman so I am quite happy with her. My husband thinks my daughter will need more stimulation soon. Also, we are both a little concerned because she gets to watch a little television at the day mother's house.

Thank you very much in advance!

From: Working Mom, Anytown,

My 4-year-old likes the nanny more than he likes me. She's live-out, and when she comes in the morning, he's more excited to see her than he is to see me when I come from work. I'm feeling left out. What should I do? Should I replace the nanny?

We recently had a second and now, on Tuesday/Thursdays, the off days of my older daughter's preschool schedule, my wife is having a very very hard time dealing with both children. She feels overwhelmed by the combination of both and gets into an "I can't do this anymore" mindset. Since we're far from both families, there's no grandma nearby to help. Recently, our quasi-grandma care provider injured herself and is out of commission for several weeks.

I'm completely supportive of a range of options from increasing care for our older child, or starting care for our younger one. I'm also supportive of her returning to work and reclaiming some of a non-mommy life.

Our budget is tight and, save for live-in or full-time nanny, I would still try to make one of several options feasible but we need help getting "from here to there." I am emailing you to get any tips you may have to suggest a transition plan. We talk about it and talk about it, but with the challenging schedule, it's been hard to move to the next step.

Can you help with pointers for an achievable transition for Mrs. West?

1.Is it advisable to offer treats to a child for being truthful? 2. Is it acceptable under the circumstances not to offer any candy to Sadie?

After staying at home in the early part of her life, my now 3-year-old daughter started preschool in the fall. After a brutal first month of adjustment, she reached the point where she loves preschool and often strongly resists coming home when I come to pick her up. However, I worry about her social development.

She is an extremely bright girl but very sensitive. She gets very upset when other kids say mean things to her (such as "go away!") or hit her or take away toys. (I won't pretend she is an angel--while she isn't physically violent, she has taken away other kids' toys on occasion.) I understand that these truly are not mean things, but I worry that it is all affecting her very deeply. She has told me which kids are mean and which ones are nice, and in her view, almost her entire class consists of mean kids, with just three nice ones. I know that some of the kids that she calls mean aren't really that bad. I've spoken with her teacher several times (without my daughter around), and she said that my daughter plays with everyone but doesn't have one or two kids that she plays with most often, while other ones do. I really want her to be happy socially and am worried that she is having trouble fitting in, mainly because of her sensitivity. Is there anything I can do to help?