Thanx
From: Debbie (town withheld)

I started college at the beginning of September and put her into their nursery. We had 3 days of settling in which went down fine - as there were no other kids, just the adults.
When it came to my first day, she was in from 9-3pm - there was an incident where she had been really upset and they tried to contact me to come out of class but was told I had left (even though I was next block along) they basically left her to cry the entire day and didn't try my emergency contacts. As you can imagine, she was distraught! Ever since she has not been able to settle. I kept her in for 4 weeks in the hope she would get used to it (we did shorter days and I picked her up at 12) but every time I went to collect her, I was told that she cried the entire time. She won't play, eat or drink! I tried a week of me being in the room with her and then leaving for 5 minutes and then coming back etc but she only lasted an hour on these days and would cry to me asking to go home.

I then tried a childminder and found a lovely lady and Olivia seemed happy playing in her house with toys etc and today was the first day I left her. I picked her up at 12:30 and was told she cried the whole time, wanted 'up' all the time and was miserable. She then told me that it was too much with my daughter and the other 2 kids she had. So now I'm really stuck . What's wrong with her? Have I babied her too much. How do I help the situation. I don't honestly know what to do. Please help!!

From: MG, Glasgow, Scotland

I'm having a problem with my boy, Liam, who turned 2 on the 4th of August. He was home with me his first year and I then needed to start working so he had to go to creche. Of course this was harder for Mommy than him and surprisingly enough he was quite happy to go to school....

All of a sudden 3 months down the line (aged 1 and 3 months), he started changing. One night, I lifted my hand as to tap him on his butt -- I wasn't going to -- as he was doing something he wasn't allowed after asking him to stop. Now I've never tapped nor smacked my child before nor has his father and I don't leave him anywhere else, he then grabbed his head, his eyes went big, he was petrified, started shaking and went and sat in the corner and blocked himself from me. I then turned to my husband and started crying and said to him, what in the world just happened! Following that, he all of a sudden didn't want to go to creche again. When I'd drop him off, he'd go stand with his face in the corner, ...and run away from them. This reaction upset me terribly. I knew something had happened and ...I needed to protect him and decided to take him out. I then kept him home for two weeks.

My boy stopped sleeping through the night from 6 months old and his sleeping has just gotten worse.... I cannot blame this on the creche incident as he only started creche 6 months after. [But] after having him home for two weeks, he went three days in a row without sleep.

[Then] I found a creche three houses from me and started with baby steps, first, every second day for an hour, then just a little while in mornings, then he went full day... [He continues to not] sleep at night ...[In the mornings,} when we turn in the direction of the creche, he screams and turns around, I literally have to drag him there. Once we get there, he's crying terribly, they say I must put him down and turn around but this kills me....The lady says once I'm gone, he stops.

I can't deal with doing this to him every morning, it's been going on for 7 months. Now I don't work, I am home so I've made the decision to take him out and keep him by me. Is this best for him? I try make all the right decisions but feel as a mother, I'm failing at everything at the moment.

From: Michelle, Lander, WY

From: Catherine, Troy, MI

Aunts still came in house taking over and not allowing me to take care of kids or much privacy. Until recently I was not allowed by aunts to take 6yr old to school or attend school activities. They didn't care about middle child. She and I have become very close. 6 yr old and I started getting close and wanting to call me mom and the aunts had a fit...in front of him....He cried to me and asked why his aunts dislike me. I had to lie and say I don't know sweetie...don't worry..it will all be ok. We basically share custody with the aunts because he spends Wed night with one and Fri night with other. Plus they pick him up from school almost every day.

Basically....we know they have said bad things about me and talked bad about me to him and in front of him and he is acting so bad with me. They let him do anything he wants...no rules...no boundaries while at their house and his behavior is horrible. He throws fits...screams at everyone... He now talks bad about me in Spanish and no one corrects him when he does it but his father. Ramon has talked to them...fought with them yet they still will not discipline him. He is getting worse because he is spending more time with them and it's awful! I'm at my wits end and about to move out cause between the aunts and this kid hating me....I just don't think I can handle it anymore. There is so much more but too much already typed. :(....please help.

From: Sherry, Paris, TX

From: Bonnie, Shrub Oak, NY

I'm considering holding him back, but I'm not sure how to make that decision. The school he's in is great, but because he's on an IEP, I've been led to believe (by my own peers) that they will not consider holding him back with the same consideration as a typically developing student. His teachers have commented (lovingly) that he's a "very young" 6. (They mean emotionally.)

There seems to be so much polarizing information out there, I don't even know where to begin. To complicate things, his sibling is one grade behind, so if my son is held back, he would forever more be in the same grade as his brother; this decision impacts both of their lives in a very direct way.

My son is very sweet, bright and imaginative, and very sensitive emotionally. He doesn't have many friends his own age - somehow they are all a year or two older or younger.

My fear is that he will always be struggling to catch up, which will eventually wear away at his confidence and his ability to love learning.

I'm fearful of the "social stigma" of keeping him back a year, however there's no guarantee that he's not going to get picked on anyway because of his learning issues. In his mind, staying back a year might not be a big deal, but I don't dare ask him because I don't want to tip my hand, and he has no real power over this decision.

Can you point me towards some sources that would help me make this huge decision? Obviously, I'm fearful of making a mistake.

Thanks!
From: Kate in Southie, South Boston

I have two boys 4 years and 11 months. My four year old has attended a corporate daycare center near my work in MA since he was 19 months old. The commute from NH to MA is long, and the center is very expensive. After our second son was born, we finally realized it is not worth working for 500$ a week in daycare cost. We just switched both boys to a smaller, independent center near our home in NH. My younger son is thriving in the non-corporate, less crowded environment. My four year old is not thriving. He misses his friends, claims no one likes him, and has already had a physical spat with another boy. He does like the teachers and the environment, but I don't think he is open to making new friends, and the boys his age want nothing to do with the new kid. What can I do to ease the pain? I feel horrible. How much time is normal for a 4yo to transition? I just want to see him smiling and having fun again and not feel as though I've done him a horrible injustice!

Thanks,

From: Carolyn, Plaistow, NH