From: Sarah, Hartlepool, UK

From: Maggz, Los Angeles

From: Rachel, Billerica, MA

Thank you,
From: Stephanie, Hingham, MA

I'm hoping you can point me to your column about kids who are late to potty train. My daughter turned 3 in May and is still in Pull Ups. I have tried to not make this a power struggle and let her go at her own pace, but I am getting a lot of pressure from her daycare. She was not allowed to move up into the next preschool room and her teachers tell me she is the oldest girl they've ever seen who isn't potty trained.

Thank you,
From: MC, Wakefield

My son turned 3 a few months ago. He is not interested in potty training. We tried it over a few days and he was hostile, had tantrums, and refused to sit on the potty and peed on himself.

How is the best way to handle this? Some books I have read say to do it when he communicates interest. Is this the best approach? Should I be concerned that he isn't interested at this stage? He is in preschool but isn't required to be potty trained, nor is it required for his camp program. However, I don't want to start "too late" and have future issues. He transitioned to his bed fine but he had communicated interest in the a bed. Should this be a similar approach? What's best?

Thanks

My daughter is turning 5 next week. She has a sister 13 months older and a brother who just turned 2. I thought she was "potty trained." After my son was born, she would go to the bathroom and have no accidents. She was almost 3 at that time and seemed fine for 2 months or so. Then one day she peed her pants six times, and ever since, she has peed them EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I have not reverted back to diapers. I have set the potty timer, I have rewarded and had potty charts... but lately I have just become very frustrated and angry. I have taken away everything I can think of, telling her she can have her toys/dolls back when she keeps her pants dry for a day. She crosses her arms and says, "Anyways, I don't like playing." She is stubborn. I have taken her to the doctor .... three times! They have tested her urine and examined her physically. Nothing is wrong there. She has few accidents outside of the home; mostly they happen only at home.

I feel horrible, because I will get so upset. I say things to her that I later regret... pointing out her age and how there is no reason to be peeing her pants, letting her know she stinks like pee. I compare her to other children. I always apologize when I lose my temper, telling her I love her no matter what, even when she pees her pants. I try to explain to her how it really upsets me because it seems like nothing I do will help correct this situation.

Today I am upset with her because ...she lied about peeing in her pants. She lied several times and even asked me if I was proud of her for keeping them dry. I found her wet underpants behind the toilet. I understand why she would lie, to avoid my being upset. I don't like that she carried the lie on for so long and lied several times about it. She is now sitting in her room.

I just really don't know what to do anymore. This has been happening for two years now. She still wears a diaper at night because if she doesn't, the bed is wet. Surely she won't still be peeing her pants at the age of 8. Maybe I just need to ignore it... which I have tried as well. And, it didn't fix anything, but it did help me feel a lot less frustrated.

I wonder if you could tell me if my daughter's behavior is not atypical for her age, and also what is the best way to handle it. My daughter is four and a half, and while she has never wet the bed, she still on occasion has accidents. I don't mean those little I-didn't-quite-make-it-to-the-bathroom accidents; I mean a-gallon-of-pee-all-over-the-new-couch accidents. I had thought we had finally gotten beyond this, as she hadn't had one of these episodes in a couple of months, but then today the floodgates opened once more.

When a child is two or three and just being potty-trained, accidents are to be expected. I know that the appropriate response is to be matter-of-fact about the slip and to find the positive. I've certainly tried that even up through age four: "Gee, you didn't make it to the toilet on time, but at least you made it to the bathroom, which is a good thing." But finding the positive is not always easy, or - looking at my sad couch right now -- even possible.

I don't know if it is significant, but we adopted our little girl from another country when she was about 12 months old. She's reasonably bright, though socially she is a bit young for her age compared to her classmates.

I'm just wondering if, at her age, I should be using different tactics to help her (and me!) with this. The responses that work well with a three-year-old are perhaps not as effective with a preschooler. Thank you for any advice on this "sticky" problem!

I have a 10-year-old daughter who wets both day and night. She has never been toilet trained, and has had accidents for as long as she should have been using the toilet. I have spent years taking her to doctors, medical specialists, therapists, hypnotherapists, child psychologists, councilors, etc. and have also tried behavioral therapy, discipline, removal of favorite things, night wetting pads with alarms, etc. She has been checked out numerous times for physical problems and has none, so I suppose it is mental.

I was a stay at home mother to her for ten years and only went back to work full time this spring, so she has never been left with a sitter, and had no opportunity to be exposed to situations that would make her wet as a result.

I am still pursuing avenues of medical assistance with pediatric psychologists and weekly therapy, but no amount of help has made a bit of difference. She will have accidents at school and stay in her soiled clothes until reminded to change by a teacher (I send 2-3 changes every day).

When I ask her to use the toilet, she will ignore me, and when she finally does after repeated asking, she will not wipe, flush, or wash hands. I am sad and tired and not sure what to do next. She displays signs of ADHD, but is a bright and energetic child. I would be happy to listen to any and all advice. I want her to be able to have sleep-overs and friends who are not put off by her indifference to the situation and the hygiene issues. My biggest concern at this point is that she will get her period in the next few years and then what? If you have any helpful advice... or know of anyone in a similar situation...

He said he just felt like going to the bathroom but just forgot he needed to go use it. I took him to the doctor and nothing seems to be wrong with his health. I have taken his toys for a while and it seems like it works, and for a while he uses the bathroom normally, but than a few days pass and he starts forgetting again. I would love how to help him. Thanks!