We have an only child, four year old son. He is fun and happy and does well in preschool. His issue is he seems disinterested in any extra curricular activities. While we don't care if he is the best of the bunch, we want him to learn activities and how to be part of a team. He has taken swim, baseball and soccer classes (not at the same time, one a season) and hasn't taken to any. He is ok once he gets there but complains the entire time going. Sometimes he just refuses to participate once there. Are we doing something wrong? is this too soon? thanks

No question today, just a rare vent.

I was the speaker last night at Barefoot Books in Concord, (a fabulous book store, more on that another time) at an event for mommy bloggers, co-sponsored by Boston Parent Bloggers and Raising a Reader Massachusetts. Billing me as "Boston's Original Mommy Blogger," they wanted me to talk about how I managed to separate my own parenting experience from my 19 years of writing the Globe's parenting column, which I began when my son was 6-months old.

The truth is, it was never hard. I don't ever remember writing in the first person and rarely referred to my son. That was for safety reasons, sure, but mostly it had to do -- at least in the beginning -- with the baggage I brought to the job: I was a news reporter, schooled to keep myself out of the story. By the time my son was 4, though, I also came to the realization that keeping him out of my copy was in his -- and our -- best interests. By our, I mean, our relationship.

Last night, I gave these moms the advice I lived by: "Keep your kids out of your blogs, -- don't use their names and certainly don't use their pictures." No matter how cute they are, how charming the stories, no matter that your children may be too young to know you're writing about them, it can come back to bite you. Most children do not want the public's attention on them, even in a good way, and what they don't seem to mind at age 3 or 4 or 7 or 8 could turn someday into resentment: "Mom! How could you?!"

In that context, it made sense that one of the moms asked my opinion about this week's Time magazine cover. I hadn't seen it, so someone pulled it up on their phone.

I'm not talking about the content, which is on attachment parenting; the content is beside the point.

Even if this mom was willing (and I assume she was) to pose as provocatively as she did and to include her own son in the photo, wasn't there someone who could have said to her, "You know, you might want to rethink this picture...."

And even if she said, "It's OK, honest," surely some of Time's journalists are also parents, not to mention former kids themselves who might remember being embarrassed by something their mom did, something big that might have put a dent in their relationship, something that might have been, well, as hard to live down as this photo will be? Surely someone could have said, "We may just be ruining this kid's life by putting this picture on our cover. Do we really want to do that?"

Shame on you, Time.

Oh. And just for the record, moms nursing older children isn't exactly a new trend. Here's my column on the subject.

My 4.5 year old son has been struggling intermittently for the past year over going to his pre-school. He seems to struggle the most when he returns to school after vacation and on Monday mornings. Lately, his struggle has become more emotional and he will cry and become upset over everything--even the weather--as he grows more and more insistent about not wanting to go to school. Once he settles into the school environment, his teachers report no problems. I remain positive with him, remind him of what he likes about school, often pack a favorite book in his bag, and try to be upbeat. Occasionally I've had to semi bribe him to get him into the car in the mornings and lately he's been extremely upset when I leave him at school. I've talked at length with his teachers and school administrators about this and they've offered various tips to help him but nothing seems to stick. Things work for a little while but he always returns to this sadness in the mornings.

My kids are 2 and 5 and get along well. When there is a squabble, I try to not intervene. However, I find myself erring towards the younger one, even though I want to be neutral and teach them to resolve on their own. Probably, it just keeps the peace to let her have her turn first (or whatever is the problem) or the 5 year old's behavior seems babyish (wanting a random toy she hasn't seen in years). Advise, please! Thanks!

Dear Barbara,

My MIL is a lovely person (how often do you hear that?!) but she's making me crazy because she's prickly about manners. I agree that some attention to manners is important (please & thank you) but I have begun to balk at some of her ideas. For instance, she expects my children (oldest is 4, youngest is 2) to greet her at the door when she arrives with a big hug and "welcome granny!" She insists that is part of good manners because it teaches respect for elders. This is the way my husband was raised and I have to admit he impressed me from the start with his impeccable manners, whereas my parents had no such standards, so I am very torn. Are there milestones when it comes to manners, like certain manners that children should know by certain ages?

From: FHP, Queens, NY

I have two baby girls, first one is 3 and a half yrs old, second one is 1 and a half years old. I'm staying without my husband for [the] last one year and I'm worried for elder one's anger & frustration. She screams and shouts in anger and cries a lot for every second thing she does in a day.

Hello-
I have identical twin boys who are 3. One of them is your typical little boy who loves trucks, cars and anything super-hero related. The other twin loves all things girly. You name it and that is what he wants and wants to play with..Barbies, princesses, anything pink, etc. He went through a stage all he wanted to do was dress up in my clothes, however that doesn't seem very often these days.
No matter what we say or what we do, he always wants to see or look at the girl character..if we say Batman, he says Batgirl, if we say prince he says princess. He clearly identifies himself as a boy and does not say he wants to be a girl or anything like that but he is just obsessed about anything girl related. We know he is still just a kid but sometimes it's a little intense. He doesn't show much interest at all in trucks, cars or anything boy related.
I guess my question is, is this normal little boy behavior? It's been going on for awhile now. I just worry that if it continues, he is going to have a difficult time fitting in with our society not to mention the distant relationship he will have with his own identical twin brother. I would like to hear your thoughts.

Hello Barbara,
My four year old is terrified of things that fly -- bees, flies, mosquitos, and camel flies. Whenever she goes out on the playground at pre-school, she screams and hollers because she is terrified of the bees,etc..I have to go to the school and try to calm her down and her teachers told me that she will be unable to attend field trips that require being outdoors because she is terrified. It is frustrating! What should I do? It is interfering with her playtime at school and her other classmates are disturbed by her crying.

My 6 year old daughter has been calling me "mean" mommy lately when I say something she doesn't like (such as "no" to more television or sweets) or if I talk to her in a firm tone. I tell her that parents need to set rules (and limits) and she may not always like what I have to say but that's my job. I try not to make an issue out of every small thing but she still tests me, sometimes even saying I don't love her. How should I handle this?

[Letter has been condensed by BFM]
Hi Barbara,