From: GO, Fort Lauderdale, FL

From: Tweak, Mason City, Iowa

I have a 10 year old daughter, Leen. She’s my only child. Sometimes, I feel she’s so happy about herself, telling me that she’s popular, smart and all kids in her school tend to ask her questions and help with their projects and presentations. Other times, she’s down and almost in tears until I ask her what’s wrong, and surprisingly she answers me that:

1. She feels lonely and left out at school.

2. She doesn’t belong to any group. The girls in her class are divided into two groups: the popular and the cool. When I ask her, where do you feel you belong, she tells me in the cool group....[But] she says that she only has one close friend at that group but the rest aren’t. So I tell her its okay, just hang out with them and you might all get a long in time. She says that she is not accepted by others in the cool group! Whenever she tries to hang out with them, they just don’t show interest and make her feel invisible! The popular group’s answer is always no whenever she asks them to hangout, or …

3. She tends to participate in games, extracurricular activities in the recess time because she doesn’t have friends.

4. At Leen’s birthday, everybody was invited to her birthday. None of her friends invites her to his/ her birthday! What makes it worse; she was stopped once with one of her classmates to give an invitation to her birthday party. Then, she apologized for not having a card for Leen when she searched through the cards. ...[but didn't have one for her.] I told my daughter not to keep her feelings to herself and to express herself to her friend appropriately! I told her that she should have said to her friend: “It’s perfectly okay that you don’t have a card for me. ... It’s really not nice to hurt others feelings by letting them know that you’re having a party and he/ she is not invited.”

Those are some stories from the top of my head. I don’t know what to do. It hurts that my daughter is becoming an unhappy child. She used to have this big smile on her face all the time, not anymore. I felt that she wasn’t coping well socially through the last year, talked to her class teachers but they didn’t have or didn’t tell comments in particular. So, I thought to give it some time and see how it goes, maybe she’ll figure out her own way with people. Well, it’s not happening! I totally feel my daughter suffering like I never felt her so. Please help and advice.

Thanks,
From: Cecelia, Canada (no city given)

I assured that it would not matter to me at all, but she may be a little young to know conclusively. What do you think? Could she know?

My 6 year old has the possible opportunity to move from his current school into another school in the community. I wouldn't say this other school is "better," it's just a different teaching style that my husband and I feel might be better for him and his academic success.

Our dilemma is the idea of moving him mid year from a school he loves and has gotten comfortable being a part of, to a "new" school that while good, is just different.
We know he'll make friends eventually. We know he'll adjust, but is this the right thing to do??

I also mourn the thought of leaving his current school and the friendships I've developed over the last 1 1/2 years.

I know only we can make the decision. I know I can get information from both sides of the aisle. I guess we just need to know if moving him mid year is going to be okay for his social development and won't backfire on us in the end.
Thank you-

From: WantingWhatsBest, Merrimac Valley, MA

Our annual family Christmas will be minus one family member -- we are pointedly not including my husband's brother because he is an alcoholic and has ruined our family Christmas the past two years. I'm not going into the details, but when I say it ruined the family holiday, I mean that sincerely.

My question is, what to tell the kids? They are 5 and 7 and they will want to know where their FAVORITE uncle is. (He's single, so it doesn't involve anyone else.) My husband wants to blame it on the economy; his brother is out of a job (for real) and can't afford to buy anyone anything. That's all true, but I want to tell the true truth. Family lies always backfire, if you ask me. My inlaws will go along with whatever we decide. (These are the only grandkids.) Can you settle this for us?

This Christmas is going to be very scaled back for us. Our kids are 11 and 9. Is it better to give them some warning? It's not that there won't be anything, just that it won't be as grand as past years. I'm thinking that they are old enough to understand that circumstances have changed -- and could change again! -- but until they do, we need to be prudent.