How to bore your child to sleep

E-MAIL | LINK | ADD A COMMENT (2) Posted by Erica Noonan, Globe West June 25, 2009 10:49 AM

Dennis won't go to bed.

We've tried it all. Reasoning. Threats. Bribes. Sticker charts. Stories in our bed, then his bed. Stories on the floor in a sleeping bag. Yelling. Ignoring. Door locking. Lights off-ing. Warm milk. Children's Benadryl. Dr. Ferber and Dr. Sears.

He's just a night owl who thinks it's way more interesting to spend his evenings hanging out with mom and dad.

So it's time to bring out the big guns. (No, not Ambien for toddlers. They don't make that, I already checked.)

I'm using Masterpiece Theatre. That's right, my secret weapon is British costume drama.

We started with my personal favorite, Pride and Prejudice. He gamely made it all the way to Lydia's elopement with Mr. Wickham before falling fast asleep around 11 p.m. the other night.

Last night, we upped the ante, with Inspector Morse -- a vintage episode from the late 1980s, complete with complex class tensions, lip gloss, and Oxford's gorgeous dreaming spires.

By the time Morse had his third glass of ale, Dennis was out like a light. It was about 10:30 p.m.

I am considering The Forsyte Saga tonight. Anyone offering bets on how long he'll last?

How do you bore your kids to sleep? Leave your best tips in the comment section, or email me at enoonan@globe.com

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2 comments so far...

Melatonin. A substance which naturally occurs in our bodies. They make a 1 mg. dose. Given a half hour before they want to go to bed will help the child realize that it is now time to sleep. My night owl took it for a few months and now he gets to sleep on his own at an acceptable time. He's less cranky now too!

Posted by Mary July 7, 09 07:39 PM

My mother puts on the local (town) channel for my kids, when she babysits. It has no animation, just one screen after the next announcing what the Ladies Club is up to or when trash day is for your street. In the background the elevator music plays, it works every time!

Posted by Sparkles July 29, 09 10:53 AM

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about the author

Erica Noonan is chief of the Globe West bureau. Before joining the Globe in 2000, she worked for the Associated Press in Boston. Raised in Wellesley, she has a master's degree in political communication from Emerson College and a BA in political science from Trinity University in San Antonio. She lives in Natick with two energetic preschoolers: Dennis, 4, and Lila, 2.