The Patriots aren’t familiar with quarterback controversies, but they may have one after Tom Brady’s wife proved that the star quarterback isn’t even the best athlete in his family. That, when Americans can expect to see Ebola stateside, what it all means in this great universe of ours (hint: nothing), and more with Jenny Johnson.
The Balance of Boston’s Power Couple Shifts a Little Further in Gisele’s Favor
We already know that Gisele Bundchen makes way more money than her husband, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. But after last night, there is some serious question about who is the better athlete. The assumption should be that Brady is the better athlete, given that it is his profession. However, in her appearance on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon Thursday night, Bundchen proved that she is almost more fit for the role. The world’s highest-paid supermodel busted out some impressive yoga and pushed Fallon’s fitness to the limits while demonstrating a plank/push-up hybrid that she seemed to have absolutely no trouble with. Combine that impressive feat with the new “I Will What I Want” Under Armour ad campaign featuring Bundchen giving a punching bag a run for its money and there’s some serious evidence that she’s in better shape than the guy who once looked like this. Hit the gym, Tom. If you can’t get in shape and win us a Super Bowl soon, we might put your wife in as QB.
The Three American Ebola Patients Are About to Get Some New Friends
Well, that didn’t take long. A new study published Tuesday estimates that the Ebola virus will make its way from West Africa to the United States by the end of September. Thankfully, they put the likelihood of that happening at just 18 percent, which is pretty slim but still a chance that it happens. And frankly, it’s the 21st century. Any non-zero chance that Ebola is coming to the US in the coming weeks is a little disconcerting. On the other hand we Americans have to be pretty glad we don’t live in Europe. The United Kingdom is looking at a 25 to 28 percent chance of seeing Ebola on its shores before October. The study, led by researcher Alessandro Vespignani of Northeastern University, is basing these percentages on the amount of people who fly from West Africa to various parts of the world. And since we can’t really deny entry to all flights coming from West Africa, researchers working on the Ebola vaccine better hurry up.
Joan Rivers May Be Gone, But She’s Giving Us One More Night on the Red Carpet on Her Way Out
There are plenty of Joan Rivers fans out there who are mourning her death today. Some may even be hoping to attend her funeral in order to pay their respects. And while that’s a touching sentiment that speaks to her comedic prowess and the audiences she touched, those people are going to have to get in line for what promises to be one of the most glamorous events of the year—that is, if her wishes are met. No one lucky enough to receive an invite can go into the day expecting any of the typically drab attire and melancholy mood. No, if Joan has it the way she described it in her book “I Hate Everyone... Starting with Me,” this is going to be the hottest funeral Hollywood has ever seen. As Rivers explained it, she wants her funeral to be a “huge showbiz affair” with paparazzi, “publicists making a scene,” and “Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents.” There will be “lights, cameras, action,” “Craft services,” and Rivers in her “Valentino gown” and toe tag crafted by jewelry designer Harry Winston. And, per Rivers’ request: “a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair blowing just like Beyonce’s.” Even in death, the woman knows how to throw a party.
Aren’t Engineers Supposed to be Smart?
In case you weren’t aware, a lot of the “viral” garbage you see on the Internet is fake. And while this video of a Welsh engineer apparently downing a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey in 15 seconds feels like it belongs in that category, the video is relatively convincing so maybe we’ll just give him the benefit of the doubt here. Of course, even if the video is authentic, this guy is not what anyone should call a role model. And the most unfortunate part is that it isn’t clear if Will Williams, our bearded friend from Caernarfon, North Wales, is aware of that. On the one hand, he denounced the video in an interview with The Daily Post: “Straight away, I knew it was a stupid thing to have done,” he said. “I wasn’t dared and I wouldn’t want anybody to do the same thing after seeing me do it.” That’s a nice message for the kids out there, but on the other hand, a million YouTube views can apparently change a man. With that many views and counting, Williams’ thoughts on his video have apparently gone from “a stupid thing to have done” to point of pride that should be promoted on social media. The evidence for that is all over his Twitter feed, where Williams retweeted a woman who said she was “a little turned on” by the video and another woman who asked if Williams would let her love him in a tweet featuring a picture of herself apparently chugging a bottle of liquor. He even embraced a new title, retweeting a message from singer Andrew WK that dubbed Williams a “Party Master.” It’s unclear how downing 22 shots in 15 seconds didn’t kill Williams, but since he managed to stick around, let’s just go ahead and apply a strict “do as he says, not as he does” policy to this knucklehead.
Forget All Your Worries and Cares: It’s Friday and Also You Mean Relatively Nothing in Our Incredibly Expansive Universe
Most astronomers have a unique ability to make us feel insignificant in the broader scope of our universe, but this team of researchers at the University of Hawaii might just take the cake. They decided it would be a fun idea to map out the thousands of other galaxies that are neighbors to our Milky Way, only to discover that we are part of a “supercluster,” dubbed Laniakea, that contains over 100,000 different galaxies and spans 500 million light years from one end to the other. We know that doesn’t exactly translate to layman terms, so to get a better sense of what that means for us, take a look at where we fit in this supercluster. That’s our galaxy. Not Earth. Not our solar system. That tiny red dot way off in the corner of this thing is the Milky Way Galaxy, home to at least 100 billion planets. Oh, and if 100 billion planets sounds like a lot, you should probably know that these U of H scientists estimate Laniakea could house as many as 100 quadrillion planets (written out as 100,000,000,000,000,000, that’s a lot of zeroes). So if you’ve got any complaints today, remember: You are one person out of 7 billion people who live on one planet among at least 100 billion planets that make up a galaxy that resides among more than 100,000 galaxies. The barista messing up your coffee order really isn’t that big a deal.