I listed my dream nominees for the 2014 Emmys a few days ago. Those were the ones I wanted to see happen; I wasn’t delusional enough to think that they’d all spring up from television Shangri-La when Carson Daly (who I honestly thought had disappeared to somewhere after TRL ended) and Mindy Kaling announced the nominees on Thursday morning.
But I didn’t expect it to be this bad. Whoo, what a bunch of Rob Deer-like swings and misses from the Emmys this year. Tim Goodman from The Hollywood Reporter said it best. “Wow, Emmy voters, that was solid work for 2012.” This is just depressing. Okay, let’s trudge through this disaster.
Biggest shocker: None, really. This was a pretty chalk slate.
Biggest exclusion: CBS’ powerhouse “The Good Wife” was left off.
Would have liked to have seen: “Masters of Sex,” which definitely deserved a top-six slot.
Who’ll win: “Breaking Bad.” Goes out on top.
Biggest shocker: “Silicon Valley” sneaking in as a rookie.
Biggest exclusion: No “Girls,” bumped out of its slot by its fellow HBO show.
Would have liked to have seen: The fantastic “Inside Amy Schumer” or “Review” recognized.
Who’ll win: It’s time for “Louie” to win.
Biggest shocker: Ricky Gervais getting in for Netflix’s “Derek.” Does anyone watch this?
Biggest exclusion: No Andy Samberg, who won a Golden Globe for “Brooklyn Nine-Nine.”
Would have liked to have seen: Andy Daly for the amazing “Review,” and anything involved with the execrable “House of Lies” shut out. Sorry, Don Cheadle. Your show’s just the worst.
Who’ll win: Louis CK is the highlight of a weak category.
Biggest shocker: None in this one. Aside from Drama Series, this was pretty predictable.
Biggest exclusion: Hmm … none, really, though I wouldn’t have been astonished if Zooey Deschanel or Mindy Kaling got in for their Fox hits.
Would have liked to have seen: Can we please, please show Emmy Rossum some love? I don’t care that “Shameless” isn’t really a comedy. She needs something for that show.
Who’ll win: Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Bet the house and the firstborn.
Biggest shocker: Woody Harrelson AND Matthew McConaughey getting noms for “True Detective.”
Biggest exclusion: Michael Sheen for “Masters of Sex.”
Would have liked to have seen: Literally anyone but Jeff Daniels nominated. Anyone. Let’s all just try to pretend “The Newsroom” never happened.
Who’ll win: Bryan Cranston gets it for his swan song.
Biggest shocker: Claire Danes avoiding the wreckage of the third season of “Homeland” to get nominated.
Biggest exclusion: Amazed that Vera Farmiga didn’t get another nom for “Bates Motel.” She’s a big, bold-face name.
Would have liked to have seen: Tatiana Maslany’s work on “Orphan Black” is transcendent. Broaden your horizons, Emmy voters, for the love of pete.
Who’ll win: I’ll make the “Wright” pick here. Hey-oooooo. Robin Wright. Book it.
DRAMA SUPPORTING ACTOR
Biggest shocker: Again with “Homeland.” It was an absolute wreck of a season, yet Mandy Patinkin gets a nomination. I bet the voters are just all big Princess Bride fans.
Biggest exclusion: Shocked, shocked there’s no “Mad Men” representation here. John Slattery deserved a nod.
Would have liked to have seen: Ugh, Charles Dance ends his “Thrones” career without a single nomination. Someone needs a crossbow to the gut for that.
Who’ll win: This is the category they’ll reward “Thrones” in. Dinklage gets it.
DRAMA SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Biggest shocker: Two “Downton Abbey” vets—Joanne Froggatt and Dame Maggie Smith—earning noms.
Biggest exclusion: I wouldn’t have been surprised to see Bellamy Young get in there for “Scandal.”
Would have liked to have seen: If Maisie Williams can’t get a nomination this year for her performance as Arya Stark on “Game of Thrones,” she’ll never get one. For shame.
Who’ll win: I would have said Headey, but Dinklage, sadly, is enough attention for “Thrones” at the Emmys. I’ll bet Dame Maggie wins it.
COMEDY SUPPORTING ACTOR
Biggest shocker: Fred Armisen for “Portlandia”? That’s out of nowhere.
Biggest exclusion: The Emmys just like to pick out random “Modern Family” cast members to stock this category. Ed O’Neill or Eric Stonestreet could easily have been included.
Would have liked to have seen: How can the Emmys completely ignore Nick Offerman’s Ron Swanson on “Parks and Recreation” EVERY SEASON? This is complete bull.
Who’ll win: The Emmys love Andre Braugher for whatever he does. He’ll take it.
COMEDY SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Biggest shocker: It was an awful “SNL” year, but Kate McKinnon somehow got a nod in this category.
Biggest exclusion: Merritt Wever being left off for “Nurse Jackie.” She won last year.
Would have liked to have seen: Some love for Michaela Watkins’s spacey greatness on the dearly departed “Trophy Wife” would have been welcome.
Who’ll win: This smells of the lone “Orange is the New Black” victory. Kate Mulgrew for the win.