Path after 'You're fired' is yours to navigate

After the blow, take time to heal, then above all, move on smartly

By Alan R. Earls, Globe Correspondent, 1/9/05

People lose their jobs all the time. A firing can be blamed on something as impersonal as a corporate downsizing or a layoff. Sometimes, though, the termination is more personal -- aimed at some real or perceived shortcoming -- and that's when it can be hard to snap back.

For starters, there's the issue of self-respect. Even if there was a boss who hated you, or some other aspect of the job that made the result inevitable, getting singled out can be a real blow to your self-esteem. Then, once you've learned to look yourself in the eye again, there's still the matter of sugarcoating the episode for the benefit of your next potential employer.

In ''We Got Fired! ... And It's the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Us,'' executive and best-selling author Harvey Mackay interviewed high-profile figures who had been fired at some point in their careers. Among the luminaries are actor Robert Redford, radio personality Larry King, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, and Patriots coach Bill Belichick, who was dumped by the Cleveland Browns in 1996 -- a major blow to his then-developing career. Belichick pulled himself up from the experience and spent the next few seasons in assistant coaching positions with New England and the New York Jets until 2000, when Patriots owner Robert Kraft handed him the top job.

In an interview, Mackay said a key to Belichick's comeback was that he was unusually good at accepting the owner's verdict -- taking the bad news and moving on -- and was able to admit where he made mistakes. ''That's not easy for a coach to do,'' he said. But those characteristics, Mackay suggests, helped Belichick recover from being fired and turn the process into a positive experience.

Whether you are a coach, cardiologist, or CPA, getting fired requires you to respond on two levels -- personal and professional. You've got to explain what happened to your own satisfaction and then you've got to find a way to explain it to prospective employers. Neither is easy, but experts say there are steps you can take to make the process more manageable.

David Stamford, a Providence psychotherapist, said getting fired can be one of life's most stressful events. Indeed, he said those who've experienced a career trauma may find themselves going through something like the five stages of grief identified by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book, ''On Death and Dying,'' namely: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

''People may go through the stages in different orders and with different emotional intensity,'' he said. The important thing is to ''honor the process'' and experience it fully, Stamford said -- and don't expect it to be easy or quick. ''For people who have been in a job for a long time or who formed strong associations, the grieving process may go on for many years,'' he said. What's important, though, is to move forward.

Nancy Hayes Bevington, a vice president at Right Management Consultants in Burlington, which specializes in helping companies and individuals deal with change, also finds the Kubler-Ross model useful. ''Losing a job is a big deal,'' and it may take time before someone is ready to move on, she said. ''Some people rush back into the interview process, but they end up sounding scattered or just plain angry.''

Hayes Bevington said it is helpful to connect with others who have had a similar experience. ''It's something that might not have happened to one's spouse or friends,'' she said.

Once you've put the experience in perspective personally, the task is to think about how to explain it to others, especially potential employers.

She recommends trying to find out what the company that fired you plans to say. If you can do this before you leave, all the better. ''It won't always be good news, but it is important to be clear about it,'' she said. Although fear of litigation often encourages former employers to make little or no comment, Hayes Bevington warns that ''individuals, such as former bosses, are hard to control,'' so it's better if you can hear it from the person likely to be contacted by a future employer. That way you'll be more alert to any nuances and you can present your own story accordingly.

Your side of the story should adhere to certain guidelines, she suggests. Never bad-mouth your old company -- it makes interviewers uncomfortable. Don't make the story of your dismissal overly dramatic, either. On the other hand, trying to sweep it under the rug with an excuse such as ''wanting to take some time off,'' may come across as disingenuous and can raise red flags.

Ideally, your version of the story will be something your former co-workers will be willing to attest to. Using them as references can give your version of events credibility.

Rita Allen, vice president of search services for Gatti and Associates in Medfield, a search firm for human resource professionals, and founder of Rita B. Allen Associates, a Waltham career management firm, offers similar advice.

Most important, she notes, is to realize that people get fired all the time. Unlike decades ago, when people often stayed with one company for their entire working life, today's professionals must plan to work for many different employers and even change careers.

''Especially in the marketplace of the last few years, getting fired does come up, time and again,'' she said. ''It's not the kiss of death -- if you present it right.''

She recommends keeping an explanation of your termination ''short and sweet.'' Be prepared to deliver it confidently, and practice doing so. Some interviewers may use it as a way to test you. So even if the subject is brought up unexpectedly or in a way that is calculated to make you feel defensive, you need to be ready with your version of events, she said.

''If you take the high road, you can't fail to leave a good impression,'' she said, adding that you should prepare to discuss what you learned from being fired.

''It's all in the delivery -- if you are honest, sincere, objective, and not down on yourself or seeming to hide something, people will accept that,'' she added.