Job-related relocations take emotional toll
Surviving the stress of a work-related move often can be a tough life passage
By Alan Earls, Globe Correspondent, 11/2/03
Wednesday was moving day for Lisa and Alan Bonguidi. Time to pull up stakes in Hopkinton and move to new digs in New Jersey. Time to say goodbye to friends and neighbors. Time to introduce a 5-year-old to a new group of youngsters in another state. In short, it's time to experience some stress.
Even the most intrepid corporate gypsy can count on some emotional upheaval when a career promotion means packing up and starting over in a new city. But when that relocation involves a family, watch out.
''Count on an emotional earthquake,'' said Chuck Mollor, senior vice president and managing director at Manchester USA, a consulting firm specializing in executive development and career transitions.
The time leading up to his family's move - with all its uncertainties - was the toughest, said Alan Bonguidi, a security consultant with ACS Defense. ''For a few months there was no clarity as to when the transfer would take place,'' he said.
The last three years have seen a general decline in interstate, corporate-funded moves like the Bonguidi's due to the slowing economy, said David Sparkman, vice president of communications for the American Moving and Storage Association in Alexandria, Va.
Mark Silverman, president of Mark's Moving and Storage, the Bonguidi's mover, agreed: a slower economy makes for fewer relocations.
''When the economy gets better and companies begin to hire, absolutely, there will be an increase in relocations,'' said Silverman.
Relocation is big business, according to Jim Moran, executive vice president of Coldwell Banker in Waltham. In 2002, Moran said, about 14,000 families moved out of Massachusetts while almost 12,000 moved to the state. Nationally, US Census Bureau figures show on average about 18.5 million families move each year.
Families who have experienced a job-related move agree they can be wrenching events. Work commitments may mean one spouse needs to move before the other. For kids, there can be questions about interrupting school - and anguish over leaving friends behind. Houses must be bought and sold. Furniture, pets, and household effects have to be packed up and moved.
Surviving all that can go wrong and getting back on your feet afterwards takes a mix of personal spunk and outside support.
Shannon Hansen knows. Her husband, a worker for General Dynamics, accepted a transfer from Texas to Massachusetts earlier this year. He moved, and she was left in charge of selling their Texas house and taking care of two children, four dogs, and a cat. Hansen, who also worked for the company, needed to find a job in Massachusetts. She landed one at General Dynamics in Taunton as a systems engineer.
The family reunited in May and lived in a hotel while a builder in Bellingham finished their new custom-built home. But tragedy struck in June when Hansen's husband died of a heart attack at age 39.
''It was one of those what-do-you-do-now moments,'' she recalled. ''I was ready to go to an insane asylum and just curl up in the fetal position.'' Aside from the support her in-laws in Needham provided, Hansen says her salvation came from two professional realtors - one in Texas and one in Massachusetts.
The former expedited the sale of her existing home while the latter took the lead in helping her get out of the deal for the unfinished home. The Massachusetts realtor also helped her find a town home in Franklin.
Hansen's relocation experience is an extreme case of what can go wrong. But even a garden-variety move can create stress. For Mike Cieslinski, a relocation to North Carolina had its moments.
Cieslinski's wife got a promotion in February to marketing director for GE's sealants and adhesives division. She moved in March. But Cieslinski still needed to say goodbye to his job in finance at Clear Channel Communications, where he had promised to stay on until his replacement came aboard. Married for just two years, the couple was not enthused about being separated. But Cieslinski said frequent phone calls and e-mails helped.
Fortunately, an opening developed within his company in the North Carolina area, so he was able to transfer - leaving the sale of their existing house, in Jamaica Plain, as the primary stress point. Things worked out. Cieslinski said GE not only paid for the move and several flights between Boston and Charlotte for the couple, it also paid all the brokerage fees for selling the house plus a 1 percent bonus because it sold in less than 60 days.
''It did not cost us any out of pocket money for the move,'' he said. ''GE wanted my wife to be able to concentrate on her job.''
Coldwell Banker's Moran said GE's support was typical of many corporate-sponsored moves. Most moves, typically voluntary relocations, end up costing the employer about $60,000 and typically include moving services, brokerage fees and plane fares - and sometimes job counseling for the ''trailing spouse.''
Success, from the employer standpoint equates with speed. ''The problems arise when a relocation drags on and on, which puts strain on everyone,'' he said.
The smoothest transitions are those where the spouses discussed the relocation prior to receiving the job offer, said Manchester USA's Moller. These couples set aside time and determined what an acceptable offer would look like in terms of compensation, relocation help, timing, and even career assistance for the trailing spouse.
They also discussed the impact on the children, whether both parties would move immediately, or if the trailing spouse would wait for a period of time, visits ''home'' if both parties could not leave immediately, how the sale of their current home would be handled, whether the new organization would pick up the sale of the current home or not, and other relocation details.
According to Moller, moves are usually easier on younger children. Older children have social circles outside of the immediate family and relocation is more difficult for them, he said. If older children can preview the new home or school, some of the stress will be lessened because ''they will feel as if they have some control and that can help them transition,'' said Moller.
David Elkind, a professor of child development at Tufts University, agrees that moves can be tough on children. However, he offers a suggestion that can ease some adjustment problems.
''It sounds counterintuitive,'' he said, ''but often if a family can move in the spring, before school ends, rather than in the fall, children will actually do better getting introduced and acclimated to a new school and new classmates.''
As for the grown-ups, Elkind warned that many people suffer the illusion that moving to someplace new - especially if it is someplace they see as desirable - will improve a marriage. The fact is, he said, ''usually it is the opposite - moving is stressful.''
Cieslinski said it all comes down to thinking ahead. ''The best advice is to know the reality of the situation,'' said Cieslinski. ''It's not going to be easy in the short term but you have to be focused on your long-term goals.''
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