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Men still worry about taking time to be dads

Believe paternity leave could hurt their career

By Alan Earls, Globe Correspondent, 11/23/03

Taking time off at the birth of his third child last June felt natural and right to Bill Potter, a senior manager with KPMG's tax practice in Boston. And it came with the complete support of his company and with no loss of income, said the 33-year-old Wakefield resident

Potter, who took a two-week paid paternity leave, is among the lucky few. For the majority of working fathers facing the stress of birth or adoption, the decision to take a paternity leave is filled with subtle pressure both from within the workplace and within themselves.

It's a subject most don't want to talk about publicly. But specialists said that men are wary of asking for the time off from work for a variety of cultural and work-related reasons, despite protections under the 1993 Family and Medical Leave Act and other statutes.

''It comes down to a belief that real men don't take leave associated with the birth or adoption of a child,'' said Jerrold Levinsky, deputy general counsel of the Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination, which has handled a number of paternity leave complaints in recent years. ''To do so is generally seen as a strong indication of a lack of seriousness about one's career.''

The recent economic downturn has also left some men reluctant to apply for paternity leave or to take a long leave if they do, said Julie Shields, author of ''How to Avoid the Mommy Trap: A Roadmap for Sharing Parenting and Making it Work.''

''They may perceive asking for leave or taking time off as risky, especially if the employer does not have a longstanding policy of welcoming paternity leave or their employer is not doing well,'' said Shields. ''It may not seem fair to ask for someone else to cover for them if a company has downsized and employers are doing extra work already.''

However, it's not just a problem of workplace attitudes. Men and their spouses bear some share of the blame, too, she said.

''Very often men don't consider taking a long paternity leave - and neither do their wives,'' said Shields.

Women, she said, need to ask men to consider taking the time off, recognizing that it may be difficult for men to consider that new path.

''When there is a new child men often feel an added pressure to fill the bread-winner role,'' she said, ''so the women need to welcome the dads into this new role.''

Shields also said it is crucial that men be compensated for paternity leave.

''Even in Sweden, where paternity leave is much more accepted, it is used more when men are able to be paid because of that strong desire to be a good father by providing for the family,'' she said.

KPMG's Potter admits he took off less time at the birth of his two older children, in part because the company did not offer paid leave at the time.

There is a disparity between the perceptions of fathers and employers about the negative ramifications of taking flextime and paternal leave, said Shields. For example, she said, 40 percent of fathers surveyed by the New York City-based Family and Work Institute believe that work-life accommodations could damage their career.

At the same time, the institute's study found only one out of 10 companies believe that the use of flexible time and leave policies jeopardizes employee opportunities for advancement.

Further, 46 percent of companies offering flexible work arrangements for parents perceive a positive return on the costs of their policy investments, and 36 percent perceive these programs as cost-neutral. However, while more than half of the surveyed companies provided pay to women on maternity leave, only 13 percent did so for fathers.

While some large employers offer paternity policies, where they fall down is on the job of communicating them to workers, according to James A. Levine, director of the The Fatherhood Project at FWI.

''Guys just don't know,'' he said. What's more, Levine said, because men often don't think to ask for time off, managers don't realize there is a demand.

''The culture of men is to be more silent about these things - it is a situation where everyone is culpable,'' he said.

Letting people know there's a policy and convincing them that it's OK to take leave is part of the formula at KPMG. Communication was key to implementing the benefit, according to Kathie Lingle, national work life director at KPMG in Montvale, N.J.

''We sent e-mails, provided online education, and highlighted the addition of the benefit in the annual benefits enrollment process,'' she said. Additionally, information was sent to employees at home, so that family members, spouses, and others could learn about the benefit.

Usage of the benefit by eligible fathers in 2002, its first year, was about 30 percent. Usage of the benefit by eligible fathers this year to date is about 87 percent. Additionally, about 58 percent of all people taking parental leave so far this year are males.

''If employees and their families didn't know about the benefit, we wouldn't see this kind of participation,'' said Lingle.

While paternity leave has acquired a legal basis through Family and Medical Leave Act it has done so largely on the coattails of pregnancy-related work issues. Thus, while paternity leave is established in law, it has never had the kind of visibility or public support granted maternity leave or other kinds of care giving. What's more, even FMLA only covers a fraction of the nation's employers.

Lawrence Lorber, partner in the labor and employment practice group of Proskauer Rose LLP in Washington, D.C., notes that FMLA applies to organizations with more than 50 people, and if the mother and the father share the same employer both cannot take leave at the same time. Still, Lorber said paternity leave protections have continued to expand, mostly through the mandates of individual states and the policy decisions of some employers.

In Massachusetts, according to Boston attorney Evan Fray-Witzer, who specializes in employment law, there is only the Massachusetts Maternity Leave Act and it applies only to women.

''The statute as written is unconstitutional but so far there hasn't been a test case,'' he said. However, Fray-Witzer said he and many other attorneys often advise employers to offer ''maternity leave'' to men, too, to make sure they don't become the test case.

KPMG's Lingle said the company's paid paternity leave policies are still ''cutting edge.'' Lingle noted that 39 percent of the 100 companies on the 2003 best employers list compiled by Working Mother magazine offer paid paternity leave. By comparison, she said only 12 to 13 percent of US companies offer this as a benefit.

Among those joining KPMG so far are Merrill Lynch & Co. and Booz Allen Hamilton. For such firms, Lingle said, it is the kind of benefit that helps in recruiting top talent.

''In a field where we are very hard-driving we are trying to make our whole culture more family-friendly. This is one piece of evidence of that commitment,'' she said.

But for KPMG's Potter, paternity leave is ultimately about changing times.

''Even if there wasn't paid leave I would have taken the time. This is no longer the era of men waiting down at the bar while their wife has the baby,'' he said.

Alan Earls is freelance writer. Reach him at alanearls@comcast.net.

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