Don't underestimate the value of social skills
By Penelope Trunk, Globe Correspondent, 11/13/05
On a recent fall day, aspiring director Zachary Gorman's job was to tell people to get out of the way. But no one was angry. In fact, people wanted to talk to him.
''The job is called 'lockup,'" he says, "because we have to keep people from walking on the sidewalk" while filming is taking place. It's one of those jobs that looks easy but requires solid social skills to give annoying news without being annoying.
It's hard to underestimate the impact of good social skills on your career. In fact, across the board, in a wide variety of businesses, people would rather work with someone who is likable and incompetent than with someone who is skilled and obnoxious, said Tiziana Casciaro, a professor at Harvard Business School. "How we value competence changes depending on whether we like someone or not," she says.
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When it comes to holding down a job, social skills matter today more than ever. For people like Gorman, who want to break into a popular field like entertainment, the only way to differentiate yourself is to be likable. The lockup job came to him because he worked for free on a movie being shot in Vermont, and the production manager liked him. "I didn't even know there was a mud season until I got there," says Gorman. "It rained all the time and it was always miserable, but I laughed at it. Made the best of everything."
Many fields that used to be havens for loners, like programming, increasingly require exceptional people skills. "The jobs that are staying in the United States are those that require regular touch, face-to-face contact with clients or a manager," says Erran Carmel, chair of the information technology department at American University. The people landing those jobs have great social skills because of the difficulty of "managing teams that are distributed across cultures," he says.
Until the 1970s, a smart child uninterested in playground politics was considered eccentric but OK. Educators now see the playground as essential training for the future, and kids who can't navigate are often sent to experts for extra help with social skills.
"Today a variety of therapeutic approaches can teach a child social skills while their brain is still forming," says Amy Berkman, a therapist working with New York City public schools. "Therapies we're using now, like cranial sacral and sensory integration, did not enter the mainstream until 20 years ago."
The result is that each year, people enter the workforce with a better likability factor than the year before.
Many people do not need to be taught to be likable, they just are. Bridgette Gorman, Zachary's sister, says, "Ever since we were little he was friends with everyone. You could put him in a room full of people he didn't know and he'll have 10 friends in 10 minutes." Fortunately, Casciaro's research shows that the biggest impediment to likability is not caring. So if you "just decide you want to do better," you probably will.
"Take responsibility for yourself," says Boston executive coach Susan Hodgkinson. "Everyone needs to know that they are responsible for creating healthy, productive relationships at work." No one is going to make you likable. "The people who are likable actually care about other people and care about the connections they make."
Also, figure out how to help someone else get what they need. "Recognize what you're trying to get done and who you are trying to get it done with," advises Hodgkinson. "Then think beyond your own stuff to what the other people want."
Think of this as project management synergy, or resume empathy; you need to help others reach their goals. This will make you more likable, and then more likely to reach your own goals.
And, don't discount flattery. "Usually the reason we like someone is because we think they like us," says Casciaro. It's the rule of prom dates: He was ugly until he asked you to prom, and now he doesn't look so bad.
Casciaro says people are more likely to notice an increase in your likability factor than an increase in your skills. So, next time you consider workplace training, choose interpersonal coaching over office skills and you'll likely get more bang for your buck.
Penelope Trunk can be reached at penelope@penelopetrunk.com
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