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Tips to steer clear of inappropriate
behavior at party

By Linda Lerner, Globe Correspondent, 12/1/02

Need advice about managing your career or your workplace? The Job Doc can help. Our specialists can answer your questions on topics ranging from career transitions to management issues. E-mail queries to jobdoc@globe.com, or send letters to Job Doc, c/o the Boston Globe, P.O. Box 2378, Boston, MA 02107-2378. Letters may be edited for clarity and length.

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I am concerned about my company's upcoming holiday party. I am the newest ''girl'' in the group and have heard that some of the men in the company may drink too much at these parties. All employees are invited, but spouses and guests of employees are not included. Without their spouses or girlfriends in attendance, I hear that a couple of these men go ''over the line'' with flirting. The party is at an off-company site at a nice hotel. Any suggestions for dealing with this situation and thoughts about what should I wear?

Holiday parties are often a lot of fun and a good time to socialize comfortably with the people with whom you work. On the other hand, in certain workplace cultures where the line between work and play gets too blurred, the holiday party can indeed be stressful. This is especially true when you are not invited to bring a spouse or a companion.

Navigating through the dual land mines of not spilling food on yourself or a co-worker and saying the right thing to the right person can appear daunting. Being new to the company only adds to your concerns.

However, if you follow some of these suggestions, you'll probably have a great time and next year's party will be one you absolutely look forward to. While it is important to make some small talk with your boss and supervisors, do not feel like you have to speak to everyone at the party. Think of the co-workers you feel most comfortable with and plan to start talking with them, or even stay with them for most of the evening.

If someone does make a rude comment to you or engages in other conduct which you feel is over the line, be firm but quiet about telling him or her to stop. Your choice of words will be important. Something like ''I don't find that funny'' or ''we're co-workers but nothing more'' may do the trick. If this does not work, leave the offending person behind and find a friend to stay with or even better, walk over to the offending person's supervisor or your boss. Most people will not say rude or offensive comments in front of their bosses.

If you feel you cannot do this and the party is at least half over, say thank you to the host, make an excuse for leaving early, and leave.

This is an opportunity to practice ending conversations that make you uncomfortable or that you find boring. I usually say, ''I am going to get some more of that good food, or another drink, or I see Mary's just arrived,'' etc., and smile and simply walk away.

A rule of thumb that I like to follow at company-sponsored events is to dress on the conservative side, and this includes a small department party or the annual companywide holiday party. You can look festive with a holiday print scarf or tie with your regular business clothes without risking giving the wrong impression.

Wearing the bright colors of the season or a tasteful but somewhat dressier black dress will also work as long as you do not use the party as an opportunity to wear your slinky best. If there is dance music at the event, enjoy yourself without impressing the crowd with suggestive steps that might be more acceptable at a friend's house party.

Because legal issues can sometimes arise out of such events, I have consulted Diane G. Rosse of Fee, Craig and Feeney, a labor and employment attorney, for some additional advice. She states that ''most employee handbooks make clear that employees remain subject to company rules and policies even off company premises while at a company function. Rules about appropriate professional conduct, drinking and dress codes will apply.''

Rosse adds, ''Massachusetts is an at-will state and an employer can discipline or terminate an employee [absent a contract] who 'steps over the line' at holiday parties.'' She recommends that if a serious incident happens at the party, you report it the next day through your company's sexual harassment procedure. The company will then have adequate warning about the employee and can take appropriate action. There should be provisions in the policy to prevent against retaliation and provide for confidentiality.

My final bit of advice is that you go to the party with an open mind and assume the best. It is helpful to be prepared for the unexpected, but most company parties are well attended, and people behave appropriately.

Cut jobs before or after holidays?

The company that I work for has not been doing well enough to meet the necessary sales numbers for a while now. It is becoming increasingly clear to me, and others in the company, over the past several months, that we will need to lay off a number of employees for budgetary reasons. I work in the human resources department and would like to know your opinion about whether the layoffs should occur before or after the holidays.

This is one of the most difficult decisions facing the senior management of a company and the human resources department. There are two schools of thought.

One believes that the communication of the termination before the holiday will create such an emotional toll on the employee and his or her family that the information should wait until after the holidays. The other school believes that as long as the employee is assured that they will be employed through the holidays, it is important to tell the employee as soon as possible so that he or she and their family can prepare for the future (perhaps not buying the extravagant present or getting resumes and contacts together as quickly as possible before the new year).

The other aspect of this question is the potentially negative public relations effect of terminating employees just before the holidays. A headline in the local paper about a holiday layoff can be devastating to future business and the company's image in the community, no matter how justified the reasons are. It is also important to consider the internal effect on employee relations. How will the ''survivors,'' employees who remain with the company, feel about the company and its management after watching their co-workers lose their jobs shortly before the holidays?

This is a tough one, and I recommend that the final decision be made with the senior management staff that understands the company's culture well enough to determine if the work environment can better withstand this type of trauma before or after the holidays.

Employment attorney Diane Rosse says a company needs to understand the potential legal and cost ramifications from choosing one option over the other.

By waiting until the new year, she says, provisions in the employee handbook or contract with the employee, such as accrual of vacations and sick leave or severance benefits or benefit contributions may be implicated. Waiting until the new year to terminate may be more costly to the company, a cost which the company must be sufficiently aware of and prepared to assume.

Rosse also states that the employees are often well aware of the financial troubles and have been on pins and needles waiting for the bad news. In some cases, done with delicacy and compassion, letting an employee know as soon as possible that he or she will not be employed into the new year may provide closure and an opportunity to focus on the future when those holiday parties provide ample opportunities to network.

Extended jobless benefits end soon

After completing my regular unemployment benefits four weeks ago, I applied for and started to collect extended benefits. I read in The Boston Globe that these extended unemployment payments may not be renewed by the federal government. If this federal program of extended unemployment insurance benefits ends, will I still be able to complete collecting the full extended benefit amount for the remaining weeks that are due to me?

It was on March 10, 2002, when President Bush signed into law the federal extended benefits act to which you are referring. This federally funded program to the states has an end date of Dec. 28, 2002.

Although it is under review, as it stands now, it will end as scheduled. This means that the number of weeks of extended benefits that you will receive will end on that date. This program provides those eligible with up to 13 weeks of additional unemployment insurance benefits. However, in your case, and in the case of any person who begins collecting extended benefits close to the end of this year, you will be able to collect only the number of weeks that are possible prior to the end of the program on Dec. 28.

Let's say you collect a total of eight weeks of extended UI benefits on Dec. 28. That will complete your benefit eligibility since the US House and Senate ended the 2002 session on Nov. 22 without agreeing on what action to take on the temporary unemployment insurance extended benefits program.

Alerting workers of house rules

I work in a small department (18 employees) of a large bank. Each year we rotate the person who will host our department holiday party in their home, and this year is my turn. A few of my co-workers and their spouses smoke, and I do not want to have any smoking in my house. One of the smokers is my manager. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with this awkward situation?

Everyone knows of the dangers of smoking to both to the smoker and those who inhale their secondary smoke. They are also aware of the limitations your bank and other employers place on smoking in the workplace. Your manager is especially attuned to these nonsmoking rules or designated smoking area policies because he or she has to enforce them. In other words, this is not as difficult a problem as it appears to be because we live in a society that has already put smokers on notice about all the places that smoking is not welcome.

In the context of discussing your plans for the party, such as the time and other details, mention that yours is a smoke-free house. When people arrive you might point out that the backyard or the front steps are convenient places to take a cigarette break.

Linda Lerner is an executive coach and consultant to senior human resources professionals with over 20 years experience leading human resources organizations. She can be reached at lernerconsult@aol.com.

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